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Is this normal for people with dementia


New member
Mar 30, 2020
I am confused as usually my husband is confused does not know what day it is, never changes his clothes or showers and then if we have someone come to see us he is bright and chatty and completely with it. However when they leave he reverts back. Is this my fault do i miss something. silly i know , but is this the sae for everyone


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
hello @jane camp
a warm welcome to DTP
yes, many here will recognise exactly what you describe ...we call it 'host mode' as it seems the person can pull together all their energy to seem their old self for a visitor for some time, pretty much as most of us 'put on the style' for visitors ... yet, as soon as the visit is over, they are exhausted with the effort and simply cannot keep up the appearance
it can be very frustrating as family and even medics can be fooled by this ability to seem unaffected by dementia
they say animals rarely show distress or pain to their fellows as then they will be seen to be weak and the weak in groups get the least resources and fall to prey, so 'putting on a show' is a survival technique


Registered User
May 12, 2018
Yes, been there and done that many times. Totally normal for dementia, unfortunately :(


New member
Mar 31, 2020
Totally normal my wife does exactly the same. At times after a visit she may even say she doesn't like them


Registered User
Jan 8, 2020
I have found this too. The same as on the phone e.g. he is so charming, but that only lasts as long as the call with a friend or a family member.


Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
The Banjoman fooled the Social worker well until I arranged for her to turn up unannounced and she found him wandering around in his underpants trying to find his clothes, having ‘lost’ his bedroom. She had to help him get dressed and finally realised just how confused he was. As luck would have it the carer hadn’t turned up that day and got him ready.


Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
Welcome from me too @jane camp .

It’s a common thing. My dad had his exercise nurse totally fooled until she got there earlier than expected one morning (before I got there to get him ready) and found him still in bed and insisting that she bring him hot water so he could have a shave - with his electric razor!