is this forum for me.....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by peeler, May 7, 2007.

  1. peeler

    peeler Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    south cumbria
    hello to all, hope you are all doing well and have had a nice weekend:)

    my name is dave and i have found your site today and have a question.

    my mum has had what i think is multi infarct for around three years now. i say think as my dad tries to hide everything from us and gives us as little info as poss.:mad:

    i wont go too much into whats going on at the moment, but just wondered if you cater for m i on here?

    if not have you any links that would send me off in the right direction:)

    to be honest i think i will hang around here for a while anyway if thats ok?:)

    thanks for your time

  2. kayleigh999

    kayleigh999 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2007

    I am fairly new on her myself but have to say the support of complete strangers to take time to read the posts and reply to them is astounding. I have had so much help and so many replies to my few posts and similar to yourself Dad is hiding things from me (or rather I shall say he is in denial)

    Stick around,I am so glad I found it and I think you will be too.:)

    K xxx
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Peeler

    Welcome to TP. I think you would do well to hang around. We're a friendly bunch, and I'm sure if you have any questions there are members who will be able to help you. (Not me, I'm afraid. I've no experience of multi infarct).

    So stick around, there'll be lots of people about tomorrow.
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Although this is called Alzheimer's Talking Point, in fact it's for all sorts of dementia. In my case, my mother had several "big" strokes plus almost certainly a number of "milder" ones. As other's have said, we're a friendly bunch here from all over the world, in a variety of caring situations. Any questions, just ask away.

    Welcome to TP

  5. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    My Mum has had several mini strokes too, Dad tried to cover for her as best he could.

    How have the attacks affected your Mum?

    I find this site a welcoming place to come for advice, practical tips and masses of moral support, there is almost always someone around to "chat" to.


  6. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    Hi Peeler

    I'm glad you found this forum, I'm sure you will get alot of support and understanding from everyone. I joined in March and spent a Month reading old and new posts, which helped me to cope with my situation.
    All forms of Dementia affect the sufferer, the carers, family and friends, it's comforting to know that someone out there can give you a virtual hug, tea and sympathy, or guide you in the right direction.

    By the way, in answer to your questions, I'm glad to say, I am ok and had a lovely week-end, thank you. Hope the same applies to you and everyone else.

    Take care. Bye for now
    Janetruth x
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hi Dave/Peeler, welcome to TP

    If you identify with this Forum, then it`s for you, simple as that.

    There are so many causes of dementia, but the caring and anxiety aspects are more or less the same for family members, who don`t know what to do for the best.

    To have a Forum like TP has been so supportive for so many, we wouldn`t know where we`d be without it.

    So you hang around as long as you wish.

    Take care
  8. lou lou

    lou lou Registered User

    Nov 9, 2005
    Hi Peeler,

    this forum is most definitely for you. Dementia is such an overarching term. Mostly it's not possible to get a definitive diagnosis until post mortem, by then do most of us care ( except of course to add the the body of research knowledge that might help other sufferers in the future.

    My mum was said to have Vascular dementia ( caused by mini strokes) but they now say mixed AZ /VD it matters little. Except that when someone has a stroke (who doesn't have dementia) there can be a major or varying degrees of recovery. My Aunt had a stroke which affected her speech, movement and swallowing reflex but she certainly still has all her marbles. I went to see her in Hospital soon after the stroke and she managed to write "Zanzibar" in scawly letters on her notepad, cleaRLY REMEMBERING i'D SENT HER A POSTCARD FROM THERE IN THE NEW YEAR.

    wITH MY MUM ALSO HER SHORT TERM MEMORY IS VIRTUALLY NON EXISTENT BUT IN RECENT MONTHS HER MEMORY FOR PAST EVENTS ACTUALLY SEEMS TO HAVE IMPROVED AND SHE IS SUDDENLY TALKING BETTER SO i GUESS IF A PARTICULAR AREA OF THE BRAIN IS AFFECTED BY A MIni stroke the clot may well desperse after a while which is different to the kind of plaques you get in Alzheimers as a progressive degenerative condition.

    The first thing my mum said when I visited the other daY WAS "HOW IS hARRY" (HER NEW GREAT GRANDSON) ! This from a woman who can't remember what she had for lunch that day. But we have large pictures of Harry up on her wall with his name birth date weight etc so the nurses are always reminding her and I wonder if it's easier to retain information with which you have a positive emotional attachment rather than the routine and mundane. Anyway I was pleased and suprised and if I ever get brave enough to try my technical skills again will post a photo of mum with Harry in the tea room.

    Stay with us Peeler you'll be suprised at how many times someone posts about just whaT YOU YOURSELF MIGHT HAVE BEEN PUZZLING ABOUT / STRUGGLING WITH. There is no map there can be no certainties but you don't need to puzzle alone.

    Kind regards

    Lou Lou
  9. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    Hi Peeler,

    not sure if anyone has directed you to the most fabulous factsheets section. It is a little hidden away, a link in the top left hand corner of the page. But her it is in case you miss it.

    I just think it is fabulous place to start if you have general queries and questions. Well written clear and concise.

    Hope you pop back soon
  10. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005

    The fact sheets are very helpful.

    The TPers (forum members) are even more so, when it comes to specific, individual issues and emotional support.

    Altho' we may have very different views on things we are (by and large ;) ) a very tolerant and open group, accepting of individual differences and honouring each other's rights to differing opinions and beliefs.

    Personally I have found TP a Godsend and could never have imagined (I'm in my fifties) that a "virtual community" could become so important to me. This is due to the very wise and supportive nature of the posters. I hope you too find the support you need here.

    Thinking of you.
  11. peeler

    peeler Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    south cumbria
    hello, to all and a very warm thank you for your replies.

    i feel i will be posting a lot on your forum and have been made very welcome indeed:)

    the thing is, at the moment i feel very emotional and not very "clear minded" if that makes any sence??

    after 3 or so years you think you could handle most things that come at you, but a brick wall seems to have appeared:mad:

    my dad is in his late 70's and when talking to him this weekend he let slip that mum had been brought back by someone after getting lost walking down the street.

    when i leave my dog at their house she always takes it out, only around the block but has had no probs until now.

    but now getting lost seems to herald a new phase perhaps???

    she has had no speech for 2 years as she cant remember what things are called.

    oh ****** i am waffling on:mad:

    so over the next couple of days i will have a good look through your forum and post back

    thank you all and take care

    peeler xx
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hi Dave,

    That`s the thing about TP. It`s OK to be emotional and not very `clear minded`. We are all in that state at sometime or other.

    Writing down your thoughts, even if they are in a jumble, is often helpful, in the first place. Then they are read by people who have probably been in your shoes. That`s when you get your replies, not from agony aunts or uncles but from people who know and understand.

    Getting lost is very worrying. Does your mum carry any identification with her? Just a small slip of paper in her purse, bag or clothing, or, if she takes the dog out, attached to the dog`s tag. My husband has his identification in his wallet and all the local shopkeepers are aware of this.

    Just an idea you may be able to adapt to suit your mother`s needs.

    Take care
  13. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Peeler

    Just to let you know you're not alone.

    My husband John likes to walk our dog alone, and he has no speech either. I don't want to stop him doing this, it's important for him to have some independence.

    He hasn't got lost yet, but the time will probably come. Sylvia's suggestion of carrying ID is a good one.

    It's a difficult one, isn't it, knowing where to draw the line between giving them independence, and keeping them safe.
  14. peeler

    peeler Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    south cumbria
    thank you all for your kind replies, dad remarked that he has now to lock the doors , mum has little memory at all, however she still seems to remember who i am??? my lad had his hair cut realy short this week, but could not make her understand he wanted her to feel his head. she couldnt grasp the concept of feel how funny my hair feels now. and although he said feel it nanna, she just couldnt figure out what he meant.
    i will suggest the id thing, it seems obvious now that you mention it, thanks.
    on the plus side of things my mums general health seems ok, other than been very irritable at night with what seems to be a water infection. when tested everthing comes up clear, any ideas??
    once again thank you, and everyone keep well:)
  15. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    When you say a water infection and that tests come up empty, are you certain they have tested for both gram positve and negative infections? The normal dipstick method is not 100 % reliable: it may be necessary to obtain a sample and do an actual culture. Also if it's only at night, rather than all the time, it could be nocturia (night time urination). Is your mum on any meds for heart disease or high blood pressure? Diuretics for those conditions can really kick in at night. Alternatively you could be seeing something called "sundowning": uncontrolled restlessness that tends to come on in the early evening, hence the name.

  16. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hi Peeler,

    Welcome to TP. You will certainly get a lot from it (as you already have I see - those wonderful TPers already rallying around!).

    I don't have any experience of your Mother's condition or symptoms - other than the memory loss.

    But I can certainly empathise with you on an emotional level. Please keep posting, everyone on here supports each other and it is such a relief to have somewhere to go (albeit virtually) for guilt free support.

    I hope you get some of the answers that you need.

    Take care.

  17. peeler

    peeler Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    south cumbria
    hello to all.
    thank you for your replies again:)
    today i managed to catch my dad in a talkative mood for once:) and although its not what i want to hear, i now have a better idea on the gravity of the situation:(
    here is a list of things we discussed....
    mums had some sedatives prescribed but they seem to have had the opposit effect on her and made her very disturbed. this is at night

    mum constantly puts on more and more clothing as the day goes on.

    mum can now get physical when frustrated, (night time again)

    rolls toilet paper up, over and over again into a cigar shape, can go through many a day. then hides them.

    has started to wet herself.

    fish's her pooh out of the toilet and at first put it in the bin, but now puts it anywhere in the bathroom.

    this is all i can remember at the moment, but to be honest it is a bombshell. i didnt feel things were this bad:(

    the water infection thing, we think could be the sensation that she needs to pee, but doesn't quite realise it and is panicking:confused:

    thank you for taking the time to read this, but i just wondered what anyone would suggest what the next step would be to take:confused:

    dad is in his late 70's and i feel at the end of his mental and physical tether:(

    how far on is mams ilness:confused:

    your thoughts are greatly apprieciated:)

  18. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hi Peeler
    This is certainly a miserable disease I can fully understand by what you have posted, that your dad would be at the end of his tether.Information I have gathered along the way in relation to the night time behaviour is referred to as "sundowner" and is apparently quite common amongst dementia sufferers. I would only suggest that it is time to bring in a assessment team. Sorry I can't help you with the appropriate body as I am from Australia, but I am sure that another TP member will be able to give you all the right info. Take Care. Taffy.
  19. peeler

    peeler Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    south cumbria
    cheers taffy, i think a visit to our doc is the next step, i know my mum has a nurse that calls round every so often. but knowing my dad he will keep every thing from her:mad: . he said yesterday that he will look after her for as long as he can, then look at other options. so he seems to grasp that he cant look after her at home forever. he is so frail and unable to control her, i am afraid he may be badly hurt in a fall while tending to her.
    i will call in on our gp and find out what he knows, also tell him what i know.
    thanks for your reply
    keep well:)
  20. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Peeler

    It sounds as if you need to get some help for your dad, and quickly. My husband is at a similar stage re. peeing, and it's very hard to handle. He doesn't understand if I tell him to go to the toilet, and if he waits until he needs to, it's often too late.

    You need to get an assessment from Social Services, and also from the continence adviser. Here, that's done through SS, but I believe GP practices in England do that.

    Try to get help as soon as possible. I'm not as old as your dad, but I'm finding it hard to cope. I can understand that he wants to keep your mum at home for as long as possible, I feel the same, and with some extra help he'll be able to cope for longer. If you put it to him this way, he may be more amenable.

    Good luck,

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