Is this end of life
- Thread starter Burlington
- Start date
I have just caught up with your update @Burlington
Im sorry your mum has reached this stage now. It is amazing how long they can keep going, but from your description of her breathing, I dont think it will be long now.
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Im sorry your mum has reached this stage now. It is amazing how long they can keep going, but from your description of her breathing, I dont think it will be long now.
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Mum finally passed peacefully yesterday. How she kept going all this last week is beyond all of us - we nicknamed her Rocky as she has been a true fighter. It was very sad and oh so peaceful at the end. I told her we all loved her and that we would be fine and it was really time for her to leave us and reunite with my Dad. She just took a few more breathes and that was it, so very dignified. Thanks to you all for your kind words and sharing of experiences - they have certainly helped
sad news @Burlington
I'm glad for you and your mum that you were together and her passing was peaceful ... that will be of comfort to you
I'm glad for you and your mum that you were together and her passing was peaceful ... that will be of comfort to you
@Burlington. Sorry for your loss. I was just reading the thread from the beginning, as in a similar situation. I hope you find comfort in the peacefulness of your mom's passing.
Please accept my condolences @Burlington . I hope you can find comfort in the dignified way your mum left this world.
My mother lay in a hospital bed for a whole month. During this time she neither ate nor hardly drank, other than my administering water through a syringe. The Consultant was astonished and put it down to her having " a very strong heart".
End of Life draws together everything that you are in relation to a loved one, but fundamentally lays bare your own vulnerability psychologically. Because l had cared for my mother long before dementia made claim of her, my relationship was very strong. Despite reservations from my siblings l remained at her bedside for that whole month. I was there for procedures and able to calm her, which Staff appreciated. At night (kindly given a therapeutic armchair because l was sleeping on the floor) l listened acutely to her shallow breathing, uncertain as to whether it had stopped. When she sometimes awoke in a state of alarm, l was there to reassure. During the long day l took a short break walking the hospital grounds, listening to the birds in the trees and allowing the sunshine to warm my body and soul prior to returning to the small side room offset from the main Ward where my mother was laying in her bed, for the most part sleeping.
The culmination of all that has gone before - the home care, the sheer level of daily tasks related to that care, the anxiety, the upset and the frenetic episodes which tested your durability and your willingness to go on, the night dramas, the days which were simply devoid of any untoward event, the lovely balmy day spent on the canal as we picknicked and exchanged light hearted banter and laughter.... the nightmare journey back home when my mother went off the wall suddenly and unexpectedly, the abject tears and the pleading expression which accompanied those tears that time she broke down and sobbed like a child on my shoulder. The sight loss.... the incontinence....the anxiety and bewilderment....delirium....infections....pneumonia.... and all the rest. All of this ceases with that last whisper of breath which comes from the mouth of a dear mother who had reached her 100th year virtually free of any serious illness at all. The physical actual embodiment of that mother, the mother who raised and cared for you, who longed for you to find happiness and who was continually endorsing her love for you more or less every day of your life, ends.
Such is the nature of life and death, which is in fact, Truth. But all the good which has taken place, all the laughter and the freedom of simply being alive and without the perpetual need to analyse nor dissect nor question every waking moment, all of that remains intact, untouched and sacred, because it cannot be touched nor changed, not ever. Dementia claims a loved one in its interminable way and sets both they and you on a particular and profoundly challenging pathway of learning. For you, with capacity, it can be hard, very, very hard. For the loved one, without the means by which to assess nor combat this invader, a world of confusion, anxiety, pain, disorientation, a subconscious world which formulates perception with glimpses of the " here and now", and a netherworld which is purely their own and which demands our intense awareness at each and every moment if we are to truly relate with the authentic person camouflaged by the whole spectrum of dementia world. If nothing else, when this journey comes to an end, it reveals much of what you are and much of what you are not. It reveals the trivial in life masquerading as something important. It underlines that not one of us can claim to be the centre of the Universe nor can we exist as an island in ourselves. It mirrors our vulnerability in the one we love and care for. It should, almost by default , enhance one's humanity and understanding of this extraordinarily beautiful world, our home, whoever you are, whatever colour creation has given you and however much you might feel ill done by, truth is all there is. Thus, in its own ironic way, the dementia creature provides a positive role for anyone to play out, to the end. And so the End of Life should not be seen as a dark and negative thing . For we that remain can perhaps explain why this is to the contrary. In that way maybe a shedding of light dissipates the cloud of uncertainty and makes for, with luck, a glimpse of reality and access to joy.
End of Life draws together everything that you are in relation to a loved one, but fundamentally lays bare your own vulnerability psychologically. Because l had cared for my mother long before dementia made claim of her, my relationship was very strong. Despite reservations from my siblings l remained at her bedside for that whole month. I was there for procedures and able to calm her, which Staff appreciated. At night (kindly given a therapeutic armchair because l was sleeping on the floor) l listened acutely to her shallow breathing, uncertain as to whether it had stopped. When she sometimes awoke in a state of alarm, l was there to reassure. During the long day l took a short break walking the hospital grounds, listening to the birds in the trees and allowing the sunshine to warm my body and soul prior to returning to the small side room offset from the main Ward where my mother was laying in her bed, for the most part sleeping.
The culmination of all that has gone before - the home care, the sheer level of daily tasks related to that care, the anxiety, the upset and the frenetic episodes which tested your durability and your willingness to go on, the night dramas, the days which were simply devoid of any untoward event, the lovely balmy day spent on the canal as we picknicked and exchanged light hearted banter and laughter.... the nightmare journey back home when my mother went off the wall suddenly and unexpectedly, the abject tears and the pleading expression which accompanied those tears that time she broke down and sobbed like a child on my shoulder. The sight loss.... the incontinence....the anxiety and bewilderment....delirium....infections....pneumonia.... and all the rest. All of this ceases with that last whisper of breath which comes from the mouth of a dear mother who had reached her 100th year virtually free of any serious illness at all. The physical actual embodiment of that mother, the mother who raised and cared for you, who longed for you to find happiness and who was continually endorsing her love for you more or less every day of your life, ends.
Such is the nature of life and death, which is in fact, Truth. But all the good which has taken place, all the laughter and the freedom of simply being alive and without the perpetual need to analyse nor dissect nor question every waking moment, all of that remains intact, untouched and sacred, because it cannot be touched nor changed, not ever. Dementia claims a loved one in its interminable way and sets both they and you on a particular and profoundly challenging pathway of learning. For you, with capacity, it can be hard, very, very hard. For the loved one, without the means by which to assess nor combat this invader, a world of confusion, anxiety, pain, disorientation, a subconscious world which formulates perception with glimpses of the " here and now", and a netherworld which is purely their own and which demands our intense awareness at each and every moment if we are to truly relate with the authentic person camouflaged by the whole spectrum of dementia world. If nothing else, when this journey comes to an end, it reveals much of what you are and much of what you are not. It reveals the trivial in life masquerading as something important. It underlines that not one of us can claim to be the centre of the Universe nor can we exist as an island in ourselves. It mirrors our vulnerability in the one we love and care for. It should, almost by default , enhance one's humanity and understanding of this extraordinarily beautiful world, our home, whoever you are, whatever colour creation has given you and however much you might feel ill done by, truth is all there is. Thus, in its own ironic way, the dementia creature provides a positive role for anyone to play out, to the end. And so the End of Life should not be seen as a dark and negative thing . For we that remain can perhaps explain why this is to the contrary. In that way maybe a shedding of light dissipates the cloud of uncertainty and makes for, with luck, a glimpse of reality and access to joy.
Sorry to hear your news @Burlington, but I'm glad your mother's passing was peaceful and you had time to say all that needs to be said. Look after yourself now.
@Burlington I’m glad it was peaceful for your Mum, please accept my sincere condolences and wishing you strength for the coming days.
I'm glad for your sake it was a serene passing for your mother and that you were there with her. My condolences to you and your family.
