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Is this common?

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,181
0
Hi @Felixcat1 , how is your dad today? I think phoning 111 for advice rather than going straight to A&E would be the best thing unless it is very obvious that your dad has done himself an obvious mischief. My mum has had lots of falls and has never come to harm, but my mother in law had a series of them where she badly bumped her head that needed trips to A&E.
I really think it is time to consider care home. If your dad hadn't managed to get himself up he could have been there all night.
 

Harky

Registered User
Oct 13, 2021
48
0
My PWD thinks that someone is getting in the house at nighttime. He says he hears them and 5hat he knows they are getting in because they leave the toilet light on. He gets up and then checks the whole house but it is going over and over in his mind. There are only his two closest neighbours that have a key in case of emergencies because I don’t live nearby. He thinks it might be someone that doesn’t have anywhere to go. He said tonight that they might not have a key because if they want to get in, they will.
Has anyone experienced this with their PWD and is it common?
Hi, my wife has dementia, fortunately I'm with her 24/7 otherwise she'd be in care. She constantly talks about the woman and her son living in our 2 spare bedrooms. The best thing to do is agree with everything she says and tell her you'll have a word with them then quickly change the subject. I do this with all situations (which are many) .
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
158
0
If the fall was unwitnessed he needs to go to the hospital regardless of what he or anyone else says, this is so that he can be cheked over -head and hips. Falls of less than two meters can be very traumatic for older people so its best to get things check out and a plan put in place if there are difficulties post fall (not all fractures are obvious in the first 24 hours).

I don't know your dads dementia type, but peripheral vision does fade in may types so not knowing how he fell is probably because he actually didn't see out to his sides as you and I would.

Should you contact the SS or 111 ? Only you can make that call, but certainly I would call your dad and see how he is tonight if he will answer the phone and by morning I would certainly alert his GP -they can takeover and decide how they are going to manage things if they need to. You can't wrap people up in cotton wool, but you can change the circumstances they live in.....
Vascular dementia with severe loss of brain cells in both frontal, temporal on both sides and occipital lobes.
Thanks you for your advice it is gratefully appreciated.
Hi @Felixcat1 , how is your dad today? I think phoning 111 for advice rather than going straight to A&E would be the best thing unless it is very obvious that your dad has done himself an obvious mischief. My mum has had lots of falls and has never come to harm, but my mother in law had a series of them where she badly bumped her head that needed trips to A&E.
I really think it is time to consider care home. If your dad hadn't managed to get himself up he could have been there all night.
I phoned him first thing and he said that he was okay apart from his hand.
I’ve just spoken to him again and he said the neighbour came round this morning and wanted to take him to hospital but he wouldn’t hear of it. He is very stubborn.
He went back to bed after I spoke to him this morning which he never does. His hips are hurting and his legs are too. He is still adamant that he doesn’t need to go to the hospital because he can still walk.
He did seem confused and he asked me how it all came to this. When I asked what he replied, how did I end up living in this house on my own? Where are my boys and girls. (He had three girls, (but my parents lost 3 babies at nearly full term before I was born and one of them was a boy.) I explained that we had grown up and moved away and that mum had died etc and that’s why he is on his own. He just said “oh”. 😢
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,776
0
South coast
People with dementia can be so stubborn.
Could you get paramedics to come out and check him over? Possibly by dialling 111?
If the paramedics think that he should go to hospital he may be more likely to take it from them
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,181
0
Is there anyway you can get over there and see for yourself. I agree with @canary it might be a good idea to phone 111 about your dad. Hopefully they’d phone him and see if needs someone to check him over. If he needs to go to hospital they may be better at persuading him to go.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
158
0
Well, he still refuses to get checked over. I managed to speak to a GP from his surgery today too which was helpful moving forward.
Since this fall he has been talking about the people in the tv, talking to him in the mornings. They comment on my dad having his toast and how they could just eat a piece of toast. Today they said his coat looked nice and when he got up to go in the kitchen they said he’s going to make his toast now. He thinks that they would get into trouble if the people in charge knew that they were talking to him. Someone is turning his boiler off. He thinks it might be his mum. Someone is in the house and they have a key. All the while he is saying this as if it is perfectly normal conversation. I just let him talk.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
158
0
People with dementia can be so stubborn.
Could you get paramedics to come out and check him over? Possibly by dialling 111?
If the paramedics think that he should go to hospital he may be more likely to take it from them
After speaking to a GP at his surgery today, I will definitely be ringing 111 from now on.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
158
0
Is there anyway you can get over there and see for yourself. I agree with @canary it might be a good idea to phone 111 about your dad. Hopefully they’d phone him and see if needs someone to check him over. If he needs to go to hospital they may be better at persuading him to go.
He probably wouldn’t get to the phone to answer it. I have to ring and ring before he eventually answers it. If he did get to the phone he would just tell them that he is fine, even though he isn’t. A GP from his surgery said that if he refused to go to the hospital they would send a doctor out to check him over.
 

k.woodley

New member
Mar 14, 2021
7
0
All of these events sound like dementia.
My aunty continually accused me of stealing her 'things'. Trouble was my brothers & family believed her - they told me she didn't trust me so I must be stealing from her - nothing was further from the truth. I tried and tried to arrange home help - which she would accept and then cancel - and then tell my brothers that I was bullying her. Then guess got to do the 'home help'! My family has completely cut themselves off from me because of the 'dreadful things' I did to her. I have to know in my mind that I looked after her and I am proud of that. I forgive my aunty for her paranoid dementia but find it very difficult to forgive my family who have/took no understanding of the symptoms and progress of dementia but have used my aunt's statements against me to divide the family. I wish now I had kept a dated diary of all that happened - which may have helped.
This 'aftermath' of dementia and the long term stress/effects on the caregiver is seldom talked about.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
158
0
All of these events sound like dementia.
My aunty continually accused me of stealing her 'things'. Trouble was my brothers & family believed her - they told me she didn't trust me so I must be stealing from her - nothing was further from the truth. I tried and tried to arrange home help - which she would accept and then cancel - and then tell my brothers that I was bullying her. Then guess got to do the 'home help'! My family has completely cut themselves off from me because of the 'dreadful things' I did to her. I have to know in my mind that I looked after her and I am proud of that. I forgive my aunty for her paranoid dementia but find it very difficult to forgive my family who have/took no understanding of the symptoms and progress of dementia but have used my aunt's statements against me to divide the family. I wish now I had kept a dated diary of all that happened - which may have helped.
This 'aftermath' of dementia and the long term stress/effects on the caregiver is seldom talked about.
So sorry to hear what has happened to you. My worry is similar to yours. I am the only person that my dad is truly relaxed around so I see how bed his dementia can be. Whenever other members of the family are with him he is brilliant at hostess mode and apart from being old some of my family think there isn’t anything wrong. They couldn’t be further from the truth! Fortunately now my sister and one of my cousins has seen his dementia creeping in as he has been telling them about the people getting in his house too but for a long time I felt like they thought that I was exaggerating or making things up.
 

Floridagal

New member
Dec 1, 2021
3
0
My dad has refused every form of help, day centres , social groups, carers, and it goes on. He wants to stay in his house to see out the rest of his days.
My mom, undiagnosed, also wants to limit doctor visits and she may now have cancer. She just wants to live in her home. My brother lives near Canada and wants her to move with him. She’s told me she doesn’t want to go there. I am 15 minutes away but she often thinks I “want “ her house and come at night, moving her papers around and having a sandwich. I try to assure her I wouldn’t do that nor do I have a key ( due to her suspicions). I do occasionally tell her it could be her, and maybe she just doesn’t remember. She does understand this sometimes. And it at least calms her down some, yet sometimes this has made things worse. I love her so much. We were close before this. I’ve helped her all the time and now there a wall. She could have a better life if she trusted me. 🥺
 

Floridagal

New member
Dec 1, 2021
3
0
All of these events sound like dementia.
My aunty continually accused me of stealing her 'things'. Trouble was my brothers & family believed her - they told me she didn't trust me so I must be stealing from her - nothing was further from the truth. I tried and tried to arrange home help - which she would accept and then cancel - and then tell my brothers that I was bullying her. Then guess got to do the 'home help'! My family has completely cut themselves off from me because of the 'dreadful things' I did to her. I have to know in my mind that I looked after her and I am proud of that. I forgive my aunty for her paranoid dementia but find it very difficult to forgive my family who have/took no understanding of the symptoms and progress of dementia but have used my aunt's statements against me to divide the family. I wish now I had kept a dated diary of all that happened - which may have helped.
This 'aftermath' of dementia and the long term stress/effects on the caregiver is seldom talked about.
Agree completely with last sentence and feel the same frustration with some family being more reserved and not responding to my invite to come for visits so she can see them. It’s selfish for them to not try to educate themselves on the disease and instead hurt the one family member who is being mistakenly suspect, and who is grieving the loss of their loved one, daily.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
158
0
My mom, undiagnosed, also wants to limit doctor visits and she may now have cancer. She just wants to live in her home. My brother lives near Canada and wants her to move with him. She’s told me she doesn’t want to go there. I am 15 minutes away but she often thinks I “want “ her house and come at night, moving her papers around and having a sandwich. I try to assure her I wouldn’t do that nor do I have a key ( due to her suspicions). I do occasionally tell her it could be her, and maybe she just doesn’t remember. She does understand this sometimes. And it at least calms her down some, yet sometimes this has made things worse. I love her so much. We were close before this. I’ve helped her all the time and now there a wall. She could have a better life if she trusted me. 🥺
I totally agree with your last sentence. Me and my dad are still close when he is not accusing me of taking his things. He says, “There’s no point denying it because I know it’s you!” Or “When you deny it it means that you’re guilty!” So it’s a lose lose situation.
His brother and my cousin have started visiting him since my auntie died and his sister had a stroke but he is able to go into host mode and they think that he is just old, but it’s me that feels the aftermath.