• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Is this common?

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
My PWD thinks that someone is getting in the house at nighttime. He says he hears them and 5hat he knows they are getting in because they leave the toilet light on. He gets up and then checks the whole house but it is going over and over in his mind. There are only his two closest neighbours that have a key in case of emergencies because I don’t live nearby. He thinks it might be someone that doesn’t have anywhere to go. He said tonight that they might not have a key because if they want to get in, they will.
Has anyone experienced this with their PWD and is it common?
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,179
0
My mother was convinced the neighbours kept coming in and she had loads of reasons as to why it was true. It obviously wasn’t. Mum even had the locks changed and when things still ‘happened’ , she had even more convoluted explanations.
I think your dad probably leaves the toilet light on, but doesn’t remember doing so. I tried to explain to mum why she was mistaken using the principal of occam’s razor, which states that in any given situation the most obvious solution is the most likely. My venture into philosophy got nowhere!
I really think you are getting to the stage where a care home will be needed.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
My mother was convinced the neighbours kept coming in and she had loads of reasons as to why it was true. It obviously wasn’t. Mum even had the locks changed and when things still ‘happened’ , she had even more convoluted explanations.
I think your dad probably leaves the toilet light on, but doesn’t remember doing so. I tried to explain to mum why she was mistaken using the principal of occam’s razor, which states that in any given situation the most obvious solution is the most likely. My venture into philosophy got nowhere!
I really think you are getting to the stage where a care home will be needed.
Luckily he doesn’t think that it is his neighbours letting themselves in and he actually didn’t accuse me, though I thought he might. I know that it is him that is leaving the light on but I couldn’t say that to him because like your mum, he is convinced that it isn’t him. I did suggest that he could be dreaming it but he is getting out of bed when he hears them because they are waking him up.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,776
0
South coast
My mum was convinced that her cleaner (who she fired) was coming in and stealing stuff
I changed the locks, but she still thought she was getting in. When I asked her how she could possibly get in, mum thought she was coming in through the letterbox!
Soon after she came and stayed with me for a weekend and all through the night she woke me every half an hour because she could hear noises downstairs..........
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
My mum was convinced that her cleaner (who she fired) was coming in and stealing stuff
I changed the locks, but she still thought she was getting in. When I asked her how she could possibly get in, mum thought she was coming in through the letterbox!
Soon after she came and stayed with me for a weekend and all through the night she woke me every half an hour because she could hear noises downstairs..........
😢
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
3,397
0
Dorset
My Dad was sure his next door neighbours were coming in via the loft. They had knocked a hole through the party wall and were gaining access that way!
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
My Dad was sure his next door neighbours were coming in via the loft. They had knocked a hole through the party wall and were gaining access that way!
Even though it pains me to think about him worrying. I am also relieved that other’s PWD are or have experienced the same.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
75,006
0
Kent
I find it dreadfully upsetting to think of people with dementia alone for most of the day and all night.

I only know from my own experience how much I was needed during 24 hours when I was living with my person with dementia and can`t imagine how others might feel when they are alone.

Deciding on residential care has such a stigma and gives carers and family members a feeling of failure but there are worse places for people with dementia than care homes where they have 24/7 supervision, care, company and reassurance.
 

Female1952

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
38
0
Hi
My aunt told me that there were people living in her loft. Their noise kept her awake. She said the police had visited and confirmed they were there - but could do nothing about it. This was shortly before we moved her to a care home.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
I find it dreadfully upsetting to think of people with dementia alone for most of the day and all night.

I only know from my own experience how much I was needed during 24 hours when I was living with my person with dementia and can`t imagine how others might feel when they are alone.

Deciding on residential care has such a stigma and gives carers and family members a feeling of failure but there are worse places for people with dementia than care homes where they have 24/7 supervision, care, company and reassurance.
My dad has refused every form of help, day centres , social groups, carers, and it goes on. He wants to stay in his house to see out the rest of his days.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
Hi
My aunt told me that there were people living in her loft. Their noise kept her awake. She said the police had visited and confirmed they were there - but could do nothing about it. This was shortly before we moved her to a care home.
😢
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,451
0
My dad has refused every form of help, day centres , social groups, carers, and it goes on. He wants to stay in his house to see out the rest of his days.
Everyone wants to stay at home for ever but in reality that isn't achievable. Often a crisis forces the person to accept help.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
Everyone wants to stay at home for ever but in reality that isn't achievable. Often a crisis forces the person to accept help.
I totally understand what you are saying. I just am trying to do everything that I can to prevent a crisis happening. I dread to think what the crisis might be.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,800
0
North West
My PWD thinks that someone is getting in the house at nighttime. He says he hears them and 5hat he knows they are getting in because they leave the toilet light on. He gets up and then checks the whole house but it is going over and over in his mind. There are only his two closest neighbours that have a key in case of emergencies because I don’t live nearby. He thinks it might be someone that doesn’t have anywhere to go. He said tonight that they might not have a key because if they want to get in, they will.
Has anyone experienced this with their PWD and is it common?
I'm just wondering if this is a case of auditory hallucinations -which can be quite distrubing for someone who experiences them, and not just PWD.

Its a difficult situation for you not being able to be there 24/7 and your dad refusing help, but to share with you my mum was the same, made more difficult by the fact that where she lived, any help or support was hard to come by. There were lots of growing issues as mum declined and the dementia took over. In the end she said 'I don't want to be alone anymore' and that was after a few adventures of her own wandering some considerable distance, it was that statement that made me realise even though I was living there with her my work hours were too long for her to cope home alone and that combined with her adventures led to the decision of a care home placement. We all arrive at this crossroads at some point.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,179
0
Hi @Felixcat, my husband and his siblings very near fell out really badly as the younger two were doing all they could to ensure their mum stayed in her home. As she didn't like carers coming in, my brother in law was doing most of the the looking after. It worked for ten years until her dementia became more advanced, and carers were finally arranged. She accepted them really well as they were good at understanding how to persuade her to accept personal care etc.. At that stage my husband was keen for her to move into care as he thought it was awful she was alone in a house for so long not even being able to understand how to switch the lights on and off. His younger siblings thought it would be cruel to remove her from the house where she'd lived so long. In the end the care company said she needed more help than they could provide and she did move to care. She seems to be thriving.
Can you try and see if your dad would accept going to a care home for some respite and see how it goes? As for a crisis, I think it will be very difficult to prevent one happening. Your dad could decide to go out for a walk in the middle of the night or have a bad fall and not be found for hours.
This is a tricky stage where the person with dementia can state their preferences very clearly, but doesn't realise how much help they really need.
 

Gary f

Registered User
Oct 6, 2021
19
0
My PWD thinks that someone is getting in the house at nighttime. He says he hears them and 5hat he knows they are getting in because they leave the toilet light on. He gets up and then checks the whole house but it is going over and over in his mind. There are only his two closest neighbours that have a key in case of emergencies because I don’t live nearby. He thinks it might be someone that doesn’t have anywhere to go. He said tonight that they might not have a key because if they want to get in, they will.
Has anyone experienced this with their PWD and is it common?
My wife get frightened and says people are in the house and threatened her , we have cameras front and back , now have one in living room, show her no ones after her, I wonder if she having flash backs to many years ago ! Her previous marriage was abusive !
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,451
0
I totally understand what you are saying. I just am trying to do everything that I can to prevent a crisis happening. I dread to think what the crisis might be.
Unfortunately the thing you may need to do to prevent a crisis happening might be to move your PWD into a care home. Forecasting the crisis is very difficult but browsing this forum might give you some ideas.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,800
0
North West
I totally understand what you are saying. I just am trying to do everything that I can to prevent a crisis happening. I dread to think what the crisis might be.
Don't let yourself be pressured into anything right now because whatever you do you must have some confidence in the decision you make into the future. The most important thing is that you can organise care for your dad, and if you can't do that at home then you will have to think about alternaitives which is hard going if you felt that staying at home was always going to be a part of the plan.

There is no right or wrong way, its about what you can do to keep someone at home with the right support, some families can do this, but some of us can't unfortunately -it doesn't sound like a crisis has happened just yet for you and your dad, but something will come along that will make you think differently and thats when you will have to start making some big decisions and as always it won't be as you expecetd it to be in the end
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
156
0
A crisis has happened today. My dad has had a fall going down his drive. He was on the floor shouting for help for he thinks about 15minutes in the pouring rain. He did manage to get up and get in his house. I found out when I phoned him. He was in shock and was still shaking, he had taken himself to bed. He has hurt his right hand. The conversation was very difficult to follow. He kept saying he couldn’t see the wall but he didn’t really know what had happened.
It ended up with him accusing me of taking his forks because he only has one left (long story.)
I was very worried about him because he hadn’t bathed his hand and he said two of his fingers were dead.
I phoned his neighbours who very kindly went over and checked on him. They are going to check on him again in the morning to see how his hand is and if it is still bad they are going to take him to the hospital to get it looked at. Dad of course was insisting that he was fine and didn’t want a fuss being made. He has no idea that he is becoming a danger to himself.
Should I talk to his GP? Should I contact SS or 111? Any suggestions please?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,800
0
North West
A crisis has happened today. My dad has had a fall going down his drive. He was on the floor shouting for help for he thinks about 15minutes in the pouring rain. He did manage to get up and get in his house. I found out when I phoned him. He was in shock and was still shaking, he had taken himself to bed. He has hurt his right hand. The conversation was very difficult to follow. He kept saying he couldn’t see the wall but he didn’t really know what had happened.
It ended up with him accusing me of taking his forks because he only has one left (long story.)
I was very worried about him because he hadn’t bathed his hand and he said two of his fingers were dead.
I phoned his neighbours who very kindly went over and checked on him. They are going to check on him again in the morning to see how his hand is and if it is still bad they are going to take him to the hospital to get it looked at. Dad of course was insisting that he was fine and didn’t want a fuss being made. He has no idea that he is becoming a danger to himself.
Should I talk to his GP? Should I contact SS or 111? Any suggestions please?
If the fall was unwitnessed he needs to go to the hospital regardless of what he or anyone else says, this is so that he can be cheked over -head and hips. Falls of less than two meters can be very traumatic for older people so its best to get things check out and a plan put in place if there are difficulties post fall (not all fractures are obvious in the first 24 hours).

I don't know your dads dementia type, but peripheral vision does fade in may types so not knowing how he fell is probably because he actually didn't see out to his sides as you and I would.

Should you contact the SS or 111 ? Only you can make that call, but certainly I would call your dad and see how he is tonight if he will answer the phone and by morning I would certainly alert his GP -they can takeover and decide how they are going to manage things if they need to. You can't wrap people up in cotton wool, but you can change the circumstances they live in.....