I've hesitated to write this post because it does seem such an extra-ordinary thing to do, but I'm counting on TPers to be their usual supportive selves! We have moved Mum out of a dementia specific home into a regular home. As you can imagine, it was not a decision taken lightly. Mum is declining VERY slowly. As I've said previously, I could almost wish she would decline more rapidly because of her own feelings of torment. The home she was in (for 2 and 1/2 years) was the only one that took couples at the time M&D needed to move. Mum had been diagnosed with dementia and, because Dad was totally disabled, living at home was no longer possible for them. It seemed like a good idea, because the home catered for dementia and non-dementia residents and because it was close to me. Also, we were told a nursing home would be built on site within two years. There is no sign of this even beginning to be built. Dad died fifteen months ago, leaving Mum very lonely and even more dependent on us. The majority of the dementia sufferers have declined faster than Mum. The Home now takes only those with dementia. These factors combined have resulted in a very unhappy mother, with "no-one to talk to". A couple of other residents from Mum's original home moved to this new one because they needed Nursing Home care. Mum is friends with one lady so my sister took her to visit. Well! That was the start of it! She was determined to move - to get away from all the "nutty" ones. (Mum has never accepted that she has dementia.) She wanted to move into a place where the people were "sane, like me" . So we began the long process and were fortunate that she has been accepted into what they call their "low care" wing. They also have a Nursing wing (as mentioned) and a dementia-specific wing, where Mum will probably end up. We had considerable concerns about the care on offer in the first home. Whilst the Carers are mostly wonderful, the ratio of Carers (1:15) for dementia sufferers is woeful. Whilst Mum was able to care for her personal needs, this wasn't a great problem, but we could foresee that it would be once Mum could no longer do that. The new home seems (who can really be certain??) to offer a better ratio of care, and certainly has better staffing - there is a Registered Nurse on duty 24/7. Mum has survived the move quite well - not sure if the same can be said of me!! Of course, she is now saying that all the other residents are "too old" (Mum is 85 and a number of them are younger than her!) and that they "sleep a lot". No doubt she will soon decide they are not the riveting company she was hoping for!! The amusing (and sad) thing about this is that Mum herself is not a sociable person - never has been. She will never initiate conversations by herself and can rarely be bothered to take part in any social activities. We are quite sure that she will be disappointed in her fantasy of "new friends" but there is nothing we can do about it. We have reiterated to Mum that there will be "no more moves" but no doubt she will want to move again. However, this IS the last move - from here on (unless we face a real disaster with the home) she is staying put! This is something we felt we had to do for Mum. We could see her finding it very difficult to cope in the dementia specific unit (even though she has AD herself) because of the level of deterioration of the other residents. We have looked into this new home very carefully and we are (reasonably) confident that it addresses some (if not all) of the concerns we had with the other home. I hope TPers will understand the reasons we have for moving Mum and support us in these. There are still doubts of course, and we no longer believe in "the perfect home" , but we are hoping above all things that this decision is the right one for our Mum. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your comments are (as always) very welcome.