1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Is there anything I can do?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by JustMandy, Jun 28, 2003.

  1. JustMandy

    JustMandy Registered User

    Jun 28, 2003
    12
    South coast, UK
    My mum's 60 and we finally had confirmation from a neurologist this week that mum is "dementing". The diagnosis has been delayed due to the fact that mum moved 300 miles away 2.5 years ago and doesn't recognise her problems herself (probably a blessing in many ways). We now need to wait 3 months for the results of a brain scan. Mum is still unaware of the diagnosis and is convinced that her "memory problems" are associated with a concussion she received 5 years ago (perhaps it is) and that she'll soon be back to normal.

    About 2 months ago we managed to get her into sheltered accommodation down here (as an interim measure, possibly) and she's now decided she wants to move again. I know there's nothing we can do about that.

    My biggest concern at the moment, on the practical front, is that over her ability to deal with her financial matters. When she moved away she bought a house outright and had plenty left over from the sale to help her live more comfortably on her disablement benefits. She's come back down here with nothing but 30,000 of debts (being paid of this week as we've just managed to sell her house).

    When she came back down here she admitted she needed help with her money, but she's now feeling (I think) as if she's risking losing control and wants to deal with all herself again. But she doesn't have a clue when it comes to this - she struggles to address an envelope (writing phone number instead of postcode), compose a letter or remember the content of a conversation. Understanding bank statements is impossible for her. She signs up for things, eg buying an electric scooter without realising she's going to have to pay thousands for it!

    I've handed back her paperwork but I'm really worried that things are going to deteriorate from the current lack of overdraft and debts into something like what we've just managed to clear - and this time there will be no house to sell!

    We (my brother and I) considered at one point, when mum was still asking for help, getting an enduring power of attourney - but the doubt over her current diagnosis and ability to decide to do this meant we chose to wait. Now it seems we should wait at least another 3 months for the formal diagnosis - and perhaps for the doctors to talk to mum about it before we can do anything more.

    Mum is unaware of the diagnosis because it was made in a discussion after the appointment due to the fact that mum made it clear that she didn't want us to discuss her with the doctor in her presence. The doctor fortunately got in touch afterwards to get the information about how mum really was.

    I should also add that mum has always been "difficult", with a long history of mental illness that makes the current situation even more difficult. We considered seeing a solicitor for advice but if it came to the point of going to court I think mum would shut us out completely and she would also avoid going back for the tests and doctor's appointments - so we're putting that course of action on hold until October, at least.

    Mum has no grasp of her limitations at the moment and even talks about getting a job as a youth worker (something she was good at years ago). But she doesn't know what day of the week it is, has been told not to drive until the results of tests etc are through, and seems to hurtle from one disaster to another!

    If anyone has any suggestions I'd appreciate some advice.

    My aologies for such a long, rambling first post - so much has been going on that it's difficult to summarise neatly.

    Yours hopefully,
     
  2. JustAndy

    JustAndy Registered User

    Jun 28, 2003
    8
    South coast, UK
    And I'm the brother. :)

    Hi all,
     
  3. Angela

    Angela Registered User

    May 28, 2003
    151
    Wales
    Hi both
    I personally would suggest to Mum that she allows you both to help her with her finances and get that EpofA. Mum dosent have to of been diagnosed for you to to this.
    I would also have a chat with ur local social services and get an assessment done. You may have a specialist social worker in ur area who can give you more specific advice.
    You are in a very difficult situation. Please dont apologise for your posting, the idea of this is for us to help each other as best as we can.
    Good luck 4 now and keep posting
    x
     
  4. JustAndy

    JustAndy Registered User

    Jun 28, 2003
    8
    South coast, UK
    Thanks for that Angela.

    As Mandy said, Mum's personality is making this even harder than it would otherwise be. She has always been suspicious of people motives, and has accepted help in the past and later turned on those that have tried to help her. I know that some of the symptoms of dementia can include this sort of behaviour but Mum's been like that for decades. :(

    I think you're right though, EPA may well be the way to go and Mandy and I will just have to weather the innevitable storm heh. :rolleyes:

    BTW, am I right in thinking that the EPA may actually be easier to get prior to the official diagnosis anyway? As mum has to be considered mentally capable to make that decision?

    On the Social Services side of things, we contacted them a little while ago, when mum first moved back down and they seemed to indicate that we would first need a diagnosis from the GP.

    Since then of course we have been to the GP, which led to the neurologist. And whilst we don't have the official diagnosis yet (presumably that will come as a result of the brain-scan), the neurologist's comments to Mandy may be enough to go back to Social Services with.

    Whadya think sis?
     
  5. Angela

    Angela Registered User

    May 28, 2003
    151
    Wales
    Ur right Mum does have to be fully aware when she applies for the EPofA. It sounds as though a little soft persuasion will be needed.
    You do not need to have a diagnosis to contact S/S about doing an assessment of Mums needs and capabilites.
    I apreciate that this may well turn into a very tricky cause due to Mums behaviour, she may well not be happy that strange ppl want to ask her about her personal lifestyle within her own home, and you and ur sister will probably get the brunt of that too.
    I have a similiar situation of my own, unfortunately, there will be very little that you and ur sister CAN do without Mums permission for quite some time, even if you have the full support of the MH Team. We cannot make another person do something because we know it is best for them, even though if they were of sound mind we know they would do it.
    Get a good social worker by contacting S/S once again. And hope you have an informed understanding GP, have a chat with them too.
    x
     
  6. JustMandy

    JustMandy Registered User

    Jun 28, 2003
    12
    South coast, UK
    Angela, many thanks for your helpful feedback and I hope your problems are reduced soon - we know how trying and stressful it can be.

    I think we may have to get in touch with mum's GP and see if she thinks mum's up to the decision regarding an EPoA.

    We'll get in touch with Social Services and see if the preliminary diagnosis (perhaps if it's confirmed by the GP with the neurologist) is enough to get a referral to them.

    This intermediate stage is a difficult one but I'm grateful not to be having to deal with the problems alone as so many others have to do.

    Very best wishes, and thanks again,
     
  7. Jenny

    Jenny Registered User

    Jun 4, 2003
    4
    London
    Hi Mandy and Andy,

    I sympathise with your situation - it must be very worrying. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers about a month ago, and last week I went to a solicitor with her and got EPA. The solicitor (recommended by the Alzheimer's Soc - if you ring the helpline they can give you the name of one nearby) had to talk to my mum on her own to make sure she knew what she was doing. I sat outside, worrying that she'd forget why she was there, but to my relief it was fine. The solicitor didn't do a long assesment, just asked my mum the questions she needed to answer to fill in the form. My mum is in the early stages of the disease.

    So it is possible to get EPA after someone has been diagnosed, as long as the solicitor is happy they know what they're doing. The solicitor we used was very nice and put my mum at ease without being patronising.

    However, it's difficult if your mum doesn't acknowledge her problems. Maybe you could say to her that EPA doesn't mean she'll lose control of her finances yet - it's just a safeguard in case she's unable to manage them in future, and that it will help you make sure she gets the right sort of care if she needs it. The solicitor who we saw compared it to an insurance policy that you might never make a claim on but it's there if you need to, which seemed to make my mum feel better about it.

    Hope that helps,
    Jenny
     
  8. susiesue

    susiesue Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    2,607
    Herts
    Hi Both
    Sorry to hear of your problems with your mum.
    I certainly think you should get the EPA set up as soon as possible - you don't need to actually put it into force until you feel it is necessary, but at least it will be ready.

    Regarding an 'official diagnosis' - I wouldn't hold your breath. I am afraid that after two years we still don't have an official diagnosis! My husband had a brain scan and EEG and still no diagnosis - and what's more I don't think we ever will as the hospital no longer wish to see him - even tho' he was only 65 at the time! They have told us it probably is Early Onset Alzheimers but is not possible to give a definite diagnosis - just a case of 'wait and see' I suppose. Anyway, we set up an EPA straight away and just have it put away somewhere until we think it is necesssary to put in force.

    Good luck

    Love
     
  9. susiesue

    susiesue Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    2,607
    Herts
    Oooops!!! didn't realise that was an old post and I am sure things have moved on a great deal since then!!! - sorry!
     
  10. Chrissyan

    Chrissyan Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    570
    N E England
    #10 Chrissyan, Jan 31, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2009
    Very old thread

    Hi susiesue, Looking at their profiles, the last time one of the posters you are responding to visited this forum was on 06-07-2004.

    It's a very good idea to check the date of the last post on a thread before replying.

    The post above yours was made on 30-06-2003! On a forum like this many changes will have happened in 4½ years, so most comments will not be appropriate & could be upsetting all this time later.

    I am not really sure how you manged to find a thread so old as the newest threads are always at the top.

    EDIT: I see you realised while I was composing my reply.:)
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    How come you do not realize that it was so far back in 03 that it was first posted, as I have notice you have done that on another thread before ? as you have to do a lot of searching to read that far back

    Is it because your worried about that ?

    That does not sound right , is you husband under a consultant?
     
  12. susiesue

    susiesue Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    2,607
    Herts
    Hi Margarita

    You are right - I am new to this site and have certainly done a lot of searching - I will get the hang of it soon!

    My husband certainly was under a Consultant at the Neurology Hospital in London (for all the good it did!). They eventually referred him back to our local Memory Clinic who supply him with Aricept and see him every six months. His diagnosis has only ever been 'Probable Early Onset Alzheimers' 'although it is not following the normal pattern'. We have seen 3 Consultants since the problems started and none of them would give a definite diagnosis. So yes, I am worried about it but have run out of places to go from here - if the Consultants are not prepared to give a definite diagnosis I do not think there is a lot more I can do - in their words ' there is no way of definitely diagnosing Alzheimers - it is the Consultant's opinion'
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.