Hi Tansy, and welcome to TP.
Dementia at any age poses its own particular challenges and Early Onset dementia comes when no-one is expecting anything of the sort - including the doctors and the care system, though there will always be exceptional people and services regionally!
Unlike dementia at a later stage, one or both of the partners will/may be in work, and need to remain so to keep the roof over both heads - as well as to give a welcome injection of normality as things deteriorate.
Trying to keep at work is very difficult while worrying about your partner at home or wherever they are. As time passes it will get more difficult.
One of the good things about TP is that few punches get pulled regarding expectations. However, not everyone treads the same path, so always hope for the best. Not everything you read about here may ever come your way, but it would be good to be prepared for almost anything.
Always remember that, no matter how bad it seems for you, the carer is in the end an observer [a very active one!], and while that is bad for you, and it will get worse over time, you will remain essentially yourself. From what I have seen of members of TP, basically good people somehow manage to become spectacularly caring, good people. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to go this route, for Jan's sake because it meant her being so ill, but I know I am a much better person for it.
You will find out fairly quickly which friends will stick around and support you. Same for family. Don't be afraid to explain things to your employer. I did from the start and was given massive leeway to come and go.
You don't say how long you have been together, or how long ago his symptoms started; both of these will have an influence from now on.
You say I'm angry, frustrated and fedup.
That should be the name of a huge club. Most of us on TP are exactly that; it is part of the territory we all inhabit now.
Is this me for the rest of Alan's life? It may sound trite, but that is probably up to you, in the long term. The early stages for both parties are confusing and frustrating. I found that over time I managed to find, then develop a whole new relationship with my wife of [now] 37 years. The new relationship meant that our goals were much less - a smile, a response, rather than a shared trip to the sun, abroad. It may not seem like much, but a lot happens over time.
A particular agony is that you won't know what 'the rest of Alan's life' means. A year, five years, ten years, more? So you will learn to live with him day, by day. Get your shared pleasures while and when you can.
I keep down a full time job, and find at times I find I get so tired and would love my own life back. Yes. No getting around that. When I was in the same position with Jan I was working 12 hour days, including 2 hours driving, 120 miles a day at the least. Sometimes I would drive to Leeds and back [5 hrs each way] with a 3 hour meeting in between. Then I'd cook dinner for us then clear up.
Also I find I'm always moaning is anyone else like that? I have a PhD in Moaning. But you have to have someone to tell things to, so if that is termed 'moaning' then so be it. Now you have TP, so moan away!!! I'm 15 years into this now, and am automatically pessimistic about everything [had you noticed?] now, whereas before Jan came down with this thing I was the most optimistic person around.
Take things slowly and don't be afraid to ask ANYTHING on here. Someone somewhere on TP will be able to provide a good reply.
Best wishes