is there a final "flip"

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by cris, Mar 8, 2007.

  1. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    Hi all. I ask this because after the visit to the doctors last night, Susan was fine, until bed time. 11-15pm "no" she said. ok I'll see you later and I went up. I went down after about 15 mins. I persuaded her up. At the top of the stairs and very angry she "she" is coming round. I asked who she said "you know" I said I didn't, Susan said "you fu....... liar" and took a swipe at me. I side stepped it and told her never to try hit me again, i don't deserve it, and I have never hit her. That is the first time in 31 years she has ever tried to hit me.
    She was just obstructive with everything. This morning she woke in a foul mood.
    Did not want to be "here" wanted to be at the other place. (where ever that is).
    Very very angry mood, and obstructive. Did not want help with this or that.
    Managed to give her breakfast and get the happy pills taken. (doctor double dose).
    Susan is out with my daughter now going to the breast clinic for checkup.
    She was fine when she left. As though nothing wrong. Maybe 2nd happy is kicking in. It is always early morning and late at night I have problems.
    The fact she took a swipe at me has un-nerved me. I can manage nearly everything (i think) except violence.
    Oh dear.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear cris, you did right to put your foot down re the violence. If you are firm enough, I think Susan should get the message. I hope so.

    When my husband was aggressive towards me, not physically, but verbally, I told him I didn`t deserve to be shouted at, and if he did, I would sit in another room and not speak to him until he calmed down. Over a period, he does seem to have got the message.

    It is so hurtful and upsetting when all your care and compassion is `rubbished` by violent behaviour. I hope you have a better time this evening. The double dose of medication might take a while to take effect.
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    My mother had a stage like that with her AZ, I put it down to all the confusion going on in her brain also mix with paranoia, wanting her life back ,wanting to take control , not being able to get her mine back in to balance , you never know what part of the brain the is being affecting when they do thing like that .

    They is medication, beside Ani depression tablets for AZ that can stop all that. have you spoken to your doctor about that ? as the violence can only get worse if not control with medication . I

    I know when my mother took exbiza that part after a few mouths stop

    I learn to notice when my mother was going to hit me , so use to duck , more out of her way or put my hand out to stop her . I never gave anger back
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi cris

    I think it may just be another sign that things are progressing for her, and she realises that. She is fighting that progression in the only way she knows how at the time.

    If she sees someone who is not there, perhaps you might try saying "sorry, but I can't see her - where is she exactly?" Denying the person is there at all is another confirmation to her that she is losing control. Try to find ways of avoiding her frustration, and the physical manifestation of that. Of course violence is not acceptable, and she would be the last person to want to do it, but remember, she is in mortal combat with something she cannot beat.

    With Jan, in later years I came to respect the vigour with which she fought the dementia, but at the time she was at this stage, it was mighty bad.

    I believe it is a measure of how bad it is for her, that she goes on at the person she would least ever want to.

    If it starts to happen often, you may find that medication needs to be reviewed.

    Good luck
  5. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    I suppose I am lucky in a way as Jean's verbal and physical violence now only occurs when she wakes from bad dreams or has need to visit the toilet after a disturbed sleep.

    Before drugs were prescribed, the violence, paranoia and subsequent depressions were a twice or three times weekly occurrence and everyone in the house at that time would come in for it.

    I still take a very firm tone with her when this happens now and something still inside her seems to make her drawback and calm down. However long that will last, I do not know.
  6. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    Thanks for those words everyone. It was the first time, but i know it may not be the last, and medication may be required. Hopefully the second lot of happy pills kick in. She certainly went out in a good mood.
    i am going to do a few things in the house then i am going to enjoy a cycle ride.
    On my own, it would be nice with someone, but hey what the heck the day is beautiful.
    best wishes to all
  7. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    My husband has also started all that. I am so tired now. I need more help but my son tries but ends up having to go out and come back when he is in bed, as my husband gets a lot worse when our son is about. So i am on my own dealing with it all. My husbands speech is also worse and there has been a very noticible decline. If i am to keep him at home now i need more help. I've tried to contact Social Services but got told the Social Worker is on holiday and the supervisor will phone. She has never phoned. I am getting the ILF but they have waited too long for me to get it. He is away now to the ealy onset day club but left with pointing at me and was saying something face was angry.
  8. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    Hi Chip I am so sorry to hear that. I think that there drugs available to calm slightly. Why don't you see your GP and tell him the situation. He may say bring your husband in and he may then prescribe a calming drug. Or assess the situation and take appropriate action. If it is thought that your safety was in question then I believe that they take a different line.
    good luck
  9. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    When my mother hit me I locked myself in the upstairs bathroom. (She calmed down after a while and I think we got through that stage.)
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Registered User

    Feb 12, 2007
    My mother has hit me once - she might be a frail little old woman but boy can she pack a punch!
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Having someone tell you that 'they have been there, done that, and are wearing the tee shirt' does not help, ....but......that is all some of us can say.

    Susan is not hitting out at you, she is not swearing at you....she is trying to battle her way through a fog.........the miasma of dementia.

    For those of you who are AL/SOC members Doctor Graham Stokes writes a good article on aggrerssion this month.. Very illuminating. (Have been fortunate to hear him speak at two seminars, brilliant perception)

    Try to roll with the 'punches'. Hopefully Susan will respond to the authority in your voice. My thoughts are with you.
  12. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Connie

    Sorry to show my ignorance, but what is AL/SOC members?

  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I wonder that also alfjess, sounds like a good read
  14. carol

    carol Registered User

    Jun 24, 2004
    Excuse me for butting in, but I suspect it means Alzheimer Society members.

    Sorry if I am wrong.

  15. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    #15 Brucie, Mar 9, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2007
    yes carol, you are, I think, correct.

    But you don't have to be a member to read the article, which is in the latest copy of "Share", the Alzheimer's Society newsletter. see

    By the way, the back issues of the newsletter are also there
  16. mocha

    mocha Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Lancs, England
    Re Alzheimer's Soc.

    Although you are able to read the Alzheimer's Newsletter on the internet[which I wasn't aware of] it would be great if more people would actually join the Society. Membership is free for Carers but I give a modest Donation by Direct Debit each month. The newsletters are very useful to look back on as the disease progresses and you can supprt the Soc. by buying gifts from their catalogue.
    As on T.P. I have had a couple of letters printed.[not as many].:rolleyes:

    Best wishes everybody
  17. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    I've just joined, thanks to TP. I've been a member of Alzheimer Scotland for several years.

    Just received my first mag this morning, look forward to a good read.
  19. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Cris
    i'm sorry you had a shock with your wife
    I remember the first time mum hit me with her walking stick!......I know now it was sheer frustration, fear, on her really isn't pleasant.
    As time went on I did manage to see the signs when another slap was coming and I became very adept at ducking or hiding.....As has been said before you can't imagine a frail old lady being able to pack such a punch!!
    She used to respond well to a telling off.....and if I mentioned it later she would have forgotten all about it......
    It's hard for the carer to forget so easily!
    Love Wendy
  20. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I am thick as to planks lately , as I wonder why I have not been getting my newsletter, I am sure I join , but then it could be that as I have moved home I have not told them of my change of address:rolleyes: :D

    Thanks for those links Bruce, my daughter came home few weeks back telling me about coffee and AZ that she read in the paper , yes I have been drinking a lot of coffee lately.

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