Is the CH protecting me too much?

[JoannePat]

Hi all, Once again thank you to all and any you read and or respond!

Anyone with someone in care will know what a horrible time we are all going through! Hopefully our loved ones with late stage dementia aren't too aware of what is happening in the outside world and although they may have some moments of realisation, they don't miss us too much. I often say to my dad (who lives independently), mum is better looked after than us! It always makes him smile and gives him some relief.

I have prattled on there and got away from the question ! Sorry

All of the calling and messaging to CH is done by me (only child) and I pass all the news on to dad. It makes it much clearer and easier (as I suspect dad is in the early stages of dementia).

Last week I sent a quick message (I never know the best time to call), just asking if mum was doing ok etc. The answer i got back was (and I quote "mum is ok, much brighter" I was a bit shocked as I didn't know she hadn't been "bright" I sent another message (to another manager) the next day and got the same "a little brighter today".

I know they are not going to tell me every time she has an off day (baring in mind, she is end of life, sleeping 90%, food blended etc) and I know I might be reading into this but should I bring it up with them? Even a "was she poorly then?". Like I say I might be reading into it too much, but my one thing with the CH, right from the beginning was to be straight with me. I want to know things, especially at this time when we can't visit. Or don't say she is "brighter" if you are not going to tell me she was having an off day!

Now I don't know if this is a question or just a get it off my chest rant!

Thank you everyone for being patient with me,

J xx

 

[Shedrech]

hi @JoannePat
personally I would ask the manager what has been happening with your mum and remind them that you need to be told bluntly the unvarnished truth because you need to know so you're not worrying unnecessarily and to be able to pass on details to her husband, your dad, who has the right to be fully informed of his wife's situation

 

[Woo2]

I would hope that if it was something serious /substantial they would have told you , maybe she was just a little off , doesn’t take away the fact they should have mentioned it , would def remind them kindly you would like to be told truthfully how she is at any given time.

 

[JoannePat]

thank you for your replies. I am hopefully having a call with the CH today, so will remind them that we want to know! Like you say @Woo2 he might have been having a bit of an off day,

J x

 

[Woo2]

Hope you get a more detailed report today .

 

[MartinWL]

My mother's CH is excellent except that they are pretty bad at replying to emails, from the manager down. This results in more phone calls and more work.

 

[kaz13]

My mum is in a good care home and I can sympathise with others, I am the one who is in regular contact with them despite having siblings. They have always informed me when she is having a bad time including a visit when she had a bad infection as her intake fell off a cliff. She rallied twice and seems to be thriving at moment.

My fear is the upcoming Christmas holidays - care home locked down in March. It’s so isolating. It’s been months since last had regularnon restricted visit.
To those who struggle with care home contacts - there should be a complaints system. It’s tough at the moment. Keep badgering for more info when you need it. Most care homes also have Facebook presence - use social media if all else fails.

 

[JoannePat]

Well I spoke to them yesterday. I sort of chickened out of confronting them about the brighter comments.

I feel like I am dealing with so much at the moment. Is that selfish? The lockdown situation here is going from bad to worse! I am self employed - not a great thing at this time! Sorry this post has just turned into something else!!

Anyway, we couldn't want for better care for my mum and I must just stay on top of things, when really I want to sit in a corner with a pint of gin!

Yeah, really not having a good day

 

[Shedrech]

hi @JoannePat
sorry today isn't good for you
sometimes you have to look after yourself otherwise you're no good to yourself or anyone else .... though maybe a bit of a walk and a cuppa ... with a g&t this evening

 

[JoannePat]

Thank you @Shedrech, yes you are right a cuppa and a walk would probably help much more than a pint of gin! Sometimes it just all gets a bit much and it is easy to forget about ourselves isn't it?!