Is the anticipation worse than the event sometimes?

[kingmidas1962]

I write with butterflies in my stomach thinking about clearing my parents house in a few days time.

I have noticed, however, over the years/months since my parents became ill that more often than not (but not always) the anticipation of dreaded events is much worse then the arrival of them. Maybe I over-think things (no maybe about it ...) but finally doing something I've been absolutely dreading is not always as bad as I think it'll be.

Does anyone else find this?

 

[Noorza]

I think that is why I've got an honorary degree in procrastination.

 

[ellejay]

Oh yes, the stomach churning nerves. All the "what ifs" and "just suppose"

Maybe we should try "Never trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you I doubt it would work, but it's worth a go

As for the house clearance, It's a horrible job, I do sympathise.

Lin x

 

[kingmidas1962]

I think that is why I've got an honorary degree in procrastination.

I thought about getting one of those ..
I'll do it tomorrow

 

[Katrine]

I'm fretting about the estate agent coming on Friday to get MIL's house on the market. We've been clearing and decorating for 2 months, but now we've come to the end of that phase and are about to expose the house to critical strangers (sorry, I mean lovely potential purchasers) .

I'm cleaning the external window sills with UPVC restorer, picking up pigeon feathers from the lawn, wiping the curtain poles with silicone spray so the curtains don't stick, moving large stones out of the flower beds into the rockery. I'll probably be wiping the outsides of the wheelie bins tomorrow! Meanwhile my own house and garden are being neglected.

I just want to 'do her proud' by presenting her house to it's best advantage, while her children mutter that it isn't decorated to her taste now and all the neutralising for sale has made them so sad that they don't want to go there any more. I worry about viewers making marks on the new carpets and identifying problems that it is too late to fix. Obsess much!

 

[CeliaW]

I will be involved in clearing Mums house and I am dreading it too and worrying about disposing of her possessions as there is a limit what can be kept or what can go to the CH.

I have a very good expression which I know is true -

"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere"

I know its true.. I tell myself it time and time again...

Does it stop me worrying?

NOPE!

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I find things always seem worse than they turn out to be. Actually, the really horrible stuff just sneaks up on me and bashes me one.

I have this printed and up on my office wall. I hope it helps others.

Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

P.S. Celia, great minds think alike. (and fools seldom differ but let's ignore the second part of that saying for now!)

 

[CeliaW]

Snap CJ - how funny how we have each written differently about a very similar expression!

 

[kingmidas1962]

I took the reverse approach to the sale of parents house - it went up for sale, warts and all. I hoped that someone would see behind the outdated decor and appearance of a hurried exit (which it was as dad went into emergency care and mum had a breakdown). I hoped someone would visualise how it could be and see that they had a bargain - and they did.

The estate agent has told me the buyers are a young couple who want a place to renovate and make their own and I am delighted. This is one of the things that has kept me sane - thinking about years to come, when they have a family - the sound of children and laughter in the house again washing away the sadness. Lovely. I'm smiling now just thinking how it can become a home again

 

[Sunbell]

I remember having to clear and empty my mums home. I can only say one thing - 'You have to be ruthless and just get rid of stuff'! There is no room for sentiment.

The charity shop loved me in the end Good luck.

Sunbell xx

 

[kingmidas1962]

I'm not very sentimental about material things luckily. I'm always clearing out at home - my husband and daughter are hoarders and don't understand how I can do it! The things precious to me are in my memories or in my heart

 

[Noorza]

I thought about getting one of those ..
I'll do it tomorrow

Brilliant.

 

[Sunbell]

That is correct, no material items or anyone else can take these memories away from you. You are just like me, they will be locked in your heart forever Take care.

Sunbell xx

 

[kingmidas1962]

That is correct, no material items or anyone else can take these memories away from you. You are just like me, they will be locked in your heart forever Take care.

Sunbell xx

I'm glad I'm not the only one if I ever had lots of money and a choice as to what to spend it on it would always be things/experiences that generate happy memories - holidays, time spent with friends or family - that kind of stuff. Not flash cars or expensive jewellery.

 

[sleepless]

How we do take it for granted that 'our memories' will never be taken away from us, despite what we deal with every day.
I don't wish to sound critical, but it makes you think, doesn't it?
We still believe our memories will last forever..........
......................they will always be in our hearts, somewhere, locked away from us if we succumb to dementia.

 

[copsham]

Clearing Mum's house

It was hard to do, more so because she had not died. She was in a nursing home with dementia with no hope of returning. Yesterday, after 8 months in a lovely nursing home, out of the blue she said "that place with the pear tree its finished now". This referred to her old home.

In clearing the house there were lots of things that were really rubbish - empty boxes, empty bottles, old clothes etc. but lots of things that were sentimental for Mum, if only she could remember. We took to the nursing home her computer which she had used until she was 85, a few of her favourite books, photo's that we had enlarged, some pictures for the walls, and toiletries. Although we did this I feel that she is absolutely oblivious to these things. I think lots of things we do now are to make us feel better!

Clearing the house was such an emotional thing to do but I did not shed a tear - that is until I read talking point in an evening. Iin the safety of my own home I could cry for the loss of mum, the loss of the house and for the immense suffering of others on talking point. What a relief to use Talking Point in this way.


We are now in a peaceful time. Mum has believed that she was in a hotel, on a cruise and now thinks she is in college. She is thriving as much as she can with so very little memory. Long may it last.

 

[kingmidas1962]

How we do take it for granted that 'our memories' will never be taken away from us, despite what we deal with every day.
I don't wish to sound critical, but it makes you think, doesn't it?
We still believe our memories will last forever..........
......................they will always be in our hearts, somewhere, locked away from us if we succumb to dementia.

Yes, it does really make you think... we have to create and cherish those memories in the moment and enjoy them now for the pleasure they bring - precisely because we may not always know where they are to be found ..

 

[Witzend]

Don't forget Your local Freecycle. When we cleared my mother's house there was a stack of stuff that was perfectly usable if not exactly perfect - sort of too good for the tip but you'd maybe hesitate to take it to the charity shop. E.g. old saucepans and otherkitchen stuff. My SIL, bless her, put an 'open house' ad on Freecycle and it was amazing what people took away. So much better than taking things to the tip.

I must say it was still horrible, though - so much stuff that had a sort of sentimental value* but quite worthless in £ terms. When you have to do it for someone who's still alive you do feel you're throwing their life away.

The only consolation was that my mother honestly did not seem to care one bit about things any more. she had adored her grandparents and had two large old portraits of them, so of course we hung them in her CH room. but very soon afterwards she had absolutely no idea who they were.

*one such thing I kept was a very old wooden spoon my mother had had for ever - it was very worn down on one side. in an even worse state now since OH keeps putting it in the dishwasher in spite of instructions not to! No way I will ever chuck it out, though.

 

[ellejay]

The only consolation was that my mother honestly did not seem to care one bit about things any more

When my mum was not too bad & lived alone in her large 3 bed house (& hated it) we would try to encourage her to move to a small, sheltered flat in a lovely complex nearby. She'd always refuse, "What about all my stuff, I won't get rid of any it, I need it "

When she had to go into the CH, OH & I had the nightmare of wading through 40 + yrs of accumulated stuff. We saved the ornaments & knickknacks she'd really loved to put in her room.

Mums reaction ? "Dunno why I've got this load of old rubbish. Who put all this junk in here?"

If only I'd known that's how she'd react, I could have saved myself a load of angst

Lin x

 

[kingmidas1962]

Well, its d-day ...

Didn't sleep well (absolutely no surprise there) but the day is here for the clear out!

I have unexpectedly more help than I expected - friend and two sons, brother and nephew. 2 of them are big strapping lads (best I don't say which ones )

The house clearance people gave me what I considered a reasonable quote to clear the stuff we can't manage along with reassurance that it's nowhere near even 1% as bad as some of the places they've cleared. They will also sell what they can and give me a cut. They were very nice and sympathetic-its a local family run business and they know a lot of the neighbours.

So once I've gathered my thoughts and finished my tea I'm off to make a start ....