I am so distressed at the moment. My mother has never been particularly 'motherly' with me - more like a vain, competitive jealous sister I realise now I have become a parent myself. I simply realise that I think and behave completely differently with my children to the way my mother does. That said, I could hardly say I was abused as a child. But now: my mother, who lives just two doors down, seems to be trawling through her memories of her entire life and reinventing everything, generally to cast herself as a brave heroic victim, battling the odds in the face of appalling cruelty. In the last couple of years, since she started showing symptoms... I have had to listen to her making vile allegations and startling 'disclosures' about her own parents and siblings and also of old friends who are falling away as her behaviour becomes increasingly self-centred and unpleasant. Since my father died last year, she and I have been locked in a sad and angry situation where I have supported her day to day, trying to adapt her life and adopt strategies that will help her cope and live life to the full. Her attitude towards me has been combative and autocratic and she has gone around behind my back accusing me of bullying her. Because of that, I suppose, I have withdrawn quite a bit, just having minimal contact, leaving her lonely and bored. My brother, who lives several hours away, was initially disbelieving when I tried to engage him on the issue but now no longer denies she has issues because he was there for her driving assessment earlier this week. They have refused to return her license of course. I have struggled to get him to help support her much but now, suddenly, he has swooped in like some guardian angel to 'rescue' her and transport her away from the house she claimed to love and would never leave, so she can have a golden, perfect life with him, away from her cruel daughter. That's me, by the way. Yesterday, she told me to my face that she couldn't wait to leave and that she knew I couldn't wait either. When I asked her how she thought saying things like that made me feel she said 'I don't know, and I don't care.' she went on to say that I had physically pushed her around and screamed in her face on numerous occasions (I haven't) that she had tried hard to love me all my life but that I hated her since I was a baby, had repeatedly told her I hated her (untrue), I told her then, trying so hard to get through, that I loved her and she just stood there shaking her head, saying that was the first time I had ever said it to her (untrue, of course). I asked her to remember all the help I had given her since my father died and she said 'you have never helped me, I would never ask you to, I don't want you to.' Lovely. I just feel like my whole life with my mother has been reinvented through this awful filter where I am a terrible person. Will this stay? Is it too late to reform her memories to reflect something more like the truth? I am having counselling at the moment. I took myself there a few months ago to help me cope with how she has been since my father died i.e. hugely emotionally demanding and needy - I suppose because of our dysfunctional relationship I have found this overwhelming and difficult, but this total dismissal of me is worse. I am just so distressed. In the meantime, I do support her move to be close to my brother. She has demonstrated little or no interest in our children. When she is with them she just talks about herself, so they feel no real loss at her going. (By the way, she belatedly wants a fantastic relationship with her grandchildren and has told me its absence is my fault for poisoning them against her). She has always had better relationships with men so she will listen to my brother and allow him to tell her what to do. This will give her a better quality of life as she definitely needs increasing guidance and management. What have others experienced? Is this truly her reality now? I have seen her reinvent memories over other people but now she has done it with me, and I also loathe the idea that my brother thinks all these accusations are true. I thought people with dementia just forgot... by the way she has no diagnosis as she refuses to be assessed and denies she has problems. My trying to get her to accept and adapt to her situation has been very poorly received to put it mildly. Devastated.