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Is nanny’s life coming to an end?

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by AKiki13, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Thank
    Thank you for your message. We are trying our best but we don’t ever know if it’s for the best or not, we can only go on what we have seen at the home and it was awful. We have moved Nan this afternoon in to the new home and everything is just so different. It is clean, lovely, nice and peaceful and even if she ends up bed bound, the view is fantastic from the bed. All we can do is let her spend her last years somewhere lovely, that’s what she deserves.
     
  2. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Hi @AKiki13 Mum has mixed dementia - Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's. She was admitted to a care home in 2016 and receives wonderful care. Please ask me anything and I'll do my best to help, as will others here.
     
  3. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Thank you, that is so kind.
    Your poor mum having mixed, that sounds awful altho thank goodness she is receiving good care.
    Nans social worker was reluctant to move her and it all became really horrible today because she wasn’t sure we were doing the move in the best interests of nanny. We couldn’t believe it. The home she was in was awful, they had not been looking after her properly at all. So basically, instead of being referred to the new home via the social worker, we had to sign a personal contract with the home instead and it makes no difference anyway because nanny has a house to sell so she would be self funding anyway but we were really annoyed with the lack of support by the social worker. We just want nanny to spend her last days, weeks, months or years in somewhere comfortable and where she feels happiest and is receiving the very best of care and that is what she is getting at the new home. The personal budget on nanny’s current plan is stating a large budget that we were not aware of and yet if she is deemed as needing this help, why should she have to pay all of it.
     
  4. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    I'm really sorry things became so difficult today with the s/w and that what you hoped to be a smooth move turned out to be anything but. I hope your Nan didn't get stressed. It does feel unfair that self-funders have to pay the full amount. Mum was the same until her funds fell to the level where she became entitled to support but unfortunately there was nothing we could do about it. What a stressful day for you all; this wretched illness is bad enough without all the red tape, I know. Hope your Nan settles well into her new home.
     
  5. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    So just to update you on how this weird twisted dementia journey goes! So the new home have been nothing short of fantastic, the support and care they are providing both nanny and the family has been great and we do not regret moving her at all. She did spend the first week not sleeping at night but for the last 2 nights has slept for hours to make up for it. The home have also got her on soft diet and she has been tucking away food left right and centre, can’t believe the difference. Only problem is now, she can’t smile, she can’t really keep her eyes open very much and her mobility has gone down awfully in the last few days unfortunately. Plus she seems like she’s leaning to one side. It’s like you sort one problem out and something else crops up! Not sure why this cruel disease has to pick on the loveliest people on the planet, it’s sick and twisted and nanny just doesn’t deserve it. We are pleased that she has not once asked to go home from the new home as that’s all she wanted to do at the appalling one she was in before so at the very least, she seems happy to be there.
     
  6. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Hi @AKiki13 . So pleased your Nan has finally settled into her new home! That's great and such a relief for you all. It sounds fantastic and you know that she's being well looked after. Good she's eating well too. It is indeed a sick and twisted illness and, yes, it strikes the folk who least deserve it. I feel angry watching my mum slowly heading downwards after a life being nothing but kind and loving. Sending love and ((((Hugs))) to your dear nan, you and your family and Thank You for letting us know xx
     
  7. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Hi, sorry I haven’t posted for a few weeks due to being poorly with a chest infection. I just wanted to ask how your mum is doing?x
     
  8. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    #28 Jezzer, Jul 10, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2018
    Hi there! So sorry you have had a chest infection. They can knock you off your feet can't they so I hope you are feeling better. I've started a ne w thread "Every Day is Different" which goes into detail about the last few weeks. I hope you don't think me rude but it might be easier to access the thread? Thank you so much for your posts and for your support. I hope your Nan is still settled in her care home. God Bless and Goodbye xxxx
     
  9. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Morning!
    I am so sorry my reply last night was brief and I do hope you weren't offended by my suggestion you read my new thread. Things seem to be changing so quickly with mum, I can hardly keep up! In addition, my reply sounded dismissive at the end and this was not my intention. I so appreciate your posts and would like to keep hearing from you about your dear Nan and, of course, you too! Please accept my apologies. It was so kind of you to ask after mum when you are so worried about Nan. With Love J xxxx
     
  10. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Thank you for your message, and no it was not rude or anything I promise. I just hadn’t been on and wanted to check all was well as you had been so lovely when I posted about Nan. I know what you mean about can’t keep up. We’ve had another fall and ambulance called and then a possible palliative care process after this which she then took a massive upturn and shocked even the doctor so that wasn’t started. But today when I visited, I could barely understand her speech again and it was as tho she was dropping to one side again, another possible mini t.i.a? I don’t know but it really upsets me when I see her like this after she had rallied from a fortnight ago. It’s almost like it plays a silly horrible game with people, I’ve never known a disease like it!
     
  11. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Oh gosh, this sounds so familiar. Mum seems near the end, rallies and then back down again. I am sure she had a t.i.a. a couple of weeks ago; there was a day when I just knew something had happened. It is possible Nan may have had a small t.i.a. I totally understand how distressing this is for you. It makes us wonder how on earth they can keep enduring these awful dips and then rally again. It wreaks havoc on those who love them - emotionally and physically. Mum's speech comes and goes and I don't know why but I know other folk who post on TP have experienced, or are experiencing, this. It is like a sadistic game and small wonder family members suffer so much. We hate seeing those we love like this. All I can say - which I know will be of little comfort to you - is you are doing exactly the right thing. Just being with her - she will know you are there. Holding her hand and talking to her - so important. You obviously love your Nan very much and it's enheartening to know you care so deeply. I am so very sorry you are going through this. It is so, so tough but I think you are doing brilliantly, really. Please keep posting - I would very much like to know how your Nan is and, it goes without saying - you too. With Love and Hugs xxxx
     
  12. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Thank you for your kind words. So sorry your mum has also had a t.i.a recently. Why oh why does this world put such beautiful people through such an awful time. It is so awful to turn up one day and all is as fine as it can be and then the next it’s like another devastating blow and then this just repeats itself week after week. Tbh I just hope she does not realise all what is going on to her poor mind and body because we cannot bear to watch her like this, it’s so awfully sad. I wish yourself well and hope your mum remains well again. Thank you so much for your replies, they are always so thoughtful and honest and this forum is the only place where anybody knows what we’re all going through.x
     
  13. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Thank you so much for your good wishes. I agree completely about this forum; the folk here have helped me - & continue to help - through the bad periods. Well, it's never good but, as you are so well aware, some days are worse than others. Look after yourself xx
     
  14. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Hi, I just wondered how you and your mum are both doing? We’ve been away on holiday for a week and so haven’t been online or anything. Unfortunately nanny had 2 falls on Friday morning, 1 at 4.30am and again at 8.30 and when I returned from holiday and saw her this morning, she was quite agitated still and her speech was probably the worst it’s ever been so not sure if she’s going through yet another bad step down after another possible mini stroke. She has also lost 11lbs in less than 3 weeks even though she is eating 3 meals a day, so not sure what is happening there. Anyway, enough of my rambling, just wanted to check in and see how everything was going with you?x
     
  15. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    983
    Female
    Lincoln, UK
    Hello there. So sorry to hear about your nan. I'm having a break from TP - if you don't mind having a look at my thread, all is explained. Take care. Janx
     
  16. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Ok, sorry I didn’t realise. Hope you’re ok and hope to hear from you when you’re feeling better.x
     
  17. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Hi Jan, I have only just been on the forum to catch up and see how everybody has been over the last week or so and came across your very sad post. I am so very very sorry to hear that your darling mum is in the final stages of her life, and nothing I do or say can make you feel any better but I did not want to read and run, I just wanted you to know that you were in my thoughts tonight and in the coming days. Take care of yourself.x
     
  18. AKiki13

    AKiki13 Registered User

    Jun 4, 2018
    26
    Hi Jan, I just wanted to say goodbye to you after seeing your post. You have been such an amazing support to everybody on the forum and provided me with such dignified help with my questions about nanny. I wish you good luck for your new start and future and know that your dear mum will be looking down on you. Sadly, nanny is now in the late stages of this appalling disease and is not eating and barely drinking and now being administered morphine. We are all spending as many hours as we can with her. Good luck Jan and a massive heartfelt thank you for everything.x
     
  19. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,348
    Female
    South coast
    (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) @AKiki13
    It sounds like your mum has now reached end of life and you are in the last long vigil
    Holding your virtual hand
     
  20. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,314
    Female
    East Midlands

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