Is my father in the right place?

[judysmith]

My family had to place my father who has alzheimers in a nursing home in February. I am in a dilemma. Because he is in the middle stages i.e. he is lucid, but he does forget and gets confused and gets easily lost, he has been placed in the secure part of the nursing home. This is on the first floor. It really grieves my father that he cannot get outside without having to get a member of staff to take him. Once downstairs, he is allowed to roam in the garden on his own. He also gets very agitated about the state of some of the other residents. Several of them are calling out "help me, help me" to which my father wants to aid them and he does do his best to help them. He does not understand that there is not much anyone can do and gets frustrated with staff for seemingly ignoring residents. He has lead a life where he has liked things to be fair and just and he now does not understand why staff "lie" to residents for not responding to their wishes.
My point really is, I feel my father needs to be secure but there does not seem to be a middle ground where he can interact with residents who are in the nursing home for other reasons and allow him a little freedom. All nursing homes appear to be the same. The assessment is made and it is secure unit or not.

Any thoughts welcome.

 

[betsie]

If he does not need nursing care would he be better in a small care home?

Would the change upset it?

Maybe it would be worth looking at a couple of local care homes to see the difference and that would help you decide.

My dad is in a small care home (23 beds), all the residents sit in the lounge during the day and can move around freely on the ground floor and in the garden. It is very secure and they can not get out but many like to walk around. They also have activites like bingo, hangman, music etc during the day. The residents will probably be at more early to middle satages of the illness and he will still be able to talk and chat to residents.

Looking can do no harm (a district nurse said the smaller CH tends to have a more homely feel) do not be worried about upsetting the nursing home, you must do what is best for your dad. xx

 

[bruce411]

care home advice

I'm still unsure with how to look after my dad. I've been looking at specialist care homes but its a minefield of info. I've been told about a company called advice on care. has anyone heard of them before?

 

[TinaT]

Your father needs to be able to go into a secure garden and his needs are not being met. I would also suggest that the him being with other residents who are further along the dementia path is causing him distress.

I would also suggest that you ask the manager why your father is not allowed to be downstairs during the daytime and perhaps with other residents who might be able to give him better companionship than he is getting upstairs. He may be able to sleep upstairs but come down during the daytime. There may be some activities downstairs which he could participate in.

If you do not get the manager's cooperation in this, it may be better to move dad. Look around. His present situation is not right for him and if the home he is currently in cannot accommodate his needs I'm sure that you will find somewhere which better suits.


xxTinaT

 

[Grannie G]

My husband is in a care home. The main front door has a combination lock which no resident can open. The back door is open to a secure garden. Anyone who is mobile has free access.

Residents are at different stages of dementia and might have mood swings and get a bit cross with each other but can be good friends as well.

I think this type of care home might be better for your father. It takes some finding, judysmith but I`d feel that is what you look for.

 

[zelana]

My Mum is in a care home. The front door has a combination lock and the residents have free access to the secure garden from the lounge. There is also a separate dementia unit for the more challenging residents and they have access to an enclosed courtyard area.

From what you have said about your Dad it sounds as if he might be at a similar stage to Mum & she's in the residential part of the home not the dementia unit. If your Dad is in a secure dementia unit it may not be the right place for him at the moment. A secure residential unit might suit him better. We looked at several residential/EMI homes around here and all but one had secure entry which is what we needed for Mum as she would have wandered off if she'd been able to get out.