Is Mum going down hill and do we need help?


Registered User
Oct 6, 2007
Hi everyone.

Had my day with Mum today. A few things seem to be changing with her. She is still taking her tablets, but her memory seems to be getting worse, and we still don't see anyone. We did, and they said that they only come once a year - GREAT.....

She is asking me constantly what day it is, and other questions and answers that carry on throughout the day. I am absolutely warn out by the end of it, but I keep going, because I want to and I love her.

We did have a lovely time together, but not the best of days.

One thing I really noticed, was today, when she asked me if she was spending Christmas day with me. I explained that we had only just had Christmas, and she laughed and apologised, which I told her not too.

The thing is, I don't know what sort of help we need. I am not really sure whether we do need help. I am really just wanting to hear others experiences, and whether you think mum is getting worse.

Oh, I really don't know. I love her so much.

I just needed to share my thoughts with you all.

Michele x


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Michele,

From what I understand your Mum is only on antidepressants which will not help her memory, and indeed in some cases can make it worse.

You know your Mum best and if you think you need help, you need help. You said in a previous post that your Mum's GP was sympathetic and was going to chase up the assessment team. Has she/he done that?

If you are at all worried I would go back to the GP and tell her/him your concerns. It may take several trips (it did in our case) as you say you don't know what you're asking for. If you've got a boil you ask the doctor to get rid of it. If you've got dementia...what?

Have a look at these factsheets if you haven't already

We are just at that stage where we are screaming for help, please don't wait that long.


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005

Your Mum sounds to be a lovely lady - apologising when she 'got it wrong'. My husband is a bit like that most of the time.

When you say 'they' came and said only once a year - I guess that is the consultant from Mental Health Team. Our consultant only comes if the Nurse doing Memory Test thinks it is necessary. So we hardly ever see anyone from that team. Memory tests should be done here every 6 mths. but its usually 9-12 mths. I guess in extreme cases a CPN is allocated to guide one through the appropriate stage. In practice it is Social Services who should do the 'doing'. Much depends on the area you live in. If you feel your Mum needs it then ask for a Social Services Assessment - the GP should be able to refer.

You do not mention whether your Mum is on her own. If so, is she preparing her own meals satisfactorily? How is she coping with financial affairs? The regular question on TP - do you have Power of Attorney?

I suspect that my husband is worse than your Mum in that he would forget tablets unless I stand over him. He does not know which meal comes when - he is disorientated in time and place.
Like your Mum he is confused about when Christmas is/was.

Your question: 'is Mum going downhill' is hard to answer. In the end only you will know that. On TP it is sometimes suggested you keep a diary - that helps you to see some sort of pattern. When your Mum has her memory test you should get the score, as this helps to see if there is a downward trend.

I have gone on long enough. There will be much advice for you.
Best wishes Jan


Registered User
Oct 6, 2007

Yes, mum is on her own. She is coping with making her own meals, and we even go over for a meal. Her financial affair isn't too bad. I brought her a filing box, but get forgets to use it. She likes drawing money out, and I know she dots it around the house. Yes, me and my sister are power of attorneys, and I do keep an eye on her finance.

Mum is on anti-depresents, but also on tablets for her memory. I can't remember what they are called though, but she does take them every day and marks down in her diary that she has taken them.

Thank you for your replies.

Michele x


Registered User
Jan 31, 2008
Soldiers Grove

I can relate to this issue. We had been trying to get our mom to move out of her home into something smaller and she had so many excuses and I am sure she did not want to lose her independence. This had been going on for about 3-5 years and then finally the straw that broke the camels back. She insisted that there were people in her home, holding her hostage and stealing things too. She called the police, and then when the police came to check it out. Found her in disarray, not clean, paranoid and delusional. So took her to the hospital to have her checked out (she was kept there for over 6 weeks) which she has totally forgotten about. While the police were there they checked out her house and found it to be the worst house they had seen in over 2 and 1/2 years (trash house). So the housing inspector was called to check it out and then we had to get in there and clean lots of garbage and other things out of the house. After her stay in the hospital, she was transferred to a nursing home (judges and courts intervened). This took a little doing and help from others, so we could find the right place for her, so she would be happy, safe and cared for. This is going to be and will be stressful for anyone going through this and you will feel guilt as well. But remember you are doing this because you love your parent and wants what is best for them as well. Our mom has now been in the nursing home since November 1 of 2007 and has had some other issues too along the way. I would encourage you to be sure to get a POA as soon as possible and get guardianshiop as well too. Thank god for supportive spouses and the help they give us too. Remember along the way to get some R and R for yourself (stress reliever). This will depend on what your outside interests are too, maybe you have some close friends to hang out with or family that can support you and even do a "calgon take me away day". If you like that sort of thing. Here for your encouragement and to support you and others as well. jimsandy