Hi Evie5831,
This is my first post. I totally feel for you. We have also had bad experiences of a care home, and a hospital stay. Mom has mixed dementia - was to be discharged from the hospital and because she needed 24/7 care, we had found a new home, but at the last minute, we decided to bring her home as we didn't think she would be with us for much longer, and with covid restrictions, not being able to visit, for us as a family, we decided this was the best option. She had lost so much weight, stopped eating in hospital, and her delirium was worse. I had said goodbye to her., as I didn't think she would pull through. This was last August. I was able to stay with her for a few weeks and frantically had to sort care, as I live abroad. A few misses with carers, but then Mom's part-time carers took on her 24/7 care. She has a team of 4-5 carers who are absolutely wonderful, she has the best care at home. We have had to fight tooth and nail for everything, regarding a care package, trying to get increased hours for paid carers, but I have persisted. It still only covers a third of the costs.
In my experience, social workers will always try and see how much the family can do and allocate the minimum amount of hours for paid carers. I'm not sure if you are thinking of live-in help or becoming the main carer, but I would contact SS and insist on a care package for carers to come in, even if you are the main carer. It is a huge commitment, and even with great help it still has its challenges. I wish you the best of luck and hope this might help in some way.