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Is mum going a care home, nursing home or coming home

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,484
0
West Hertfordshire
Two main issues for 24/7 at home ( And even more when you consider all the tax NI Holiday pension and etcs)
1) space for someone to actually live
2) cost.

No one person can work 24/7 so you'd need to employ two people to cover everything.

Costly!
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
106
0
Two main issues for 24/7 at home ( And even more when you consider all the tax NI Holiday pension and etcs)
1) space for someone to actually live
2) cost.

No one person can work 24/7 so you'd need to employ two people to cover everything.

Costly!
Space for someone to live is actually not one of the main concerns as long as you have a spare bedroom. It is expensive and hard to maintain. If you can cover breaks it is cheaper but v hard going. Xx
 

tsgc84

Registered User
Dec 24, 2020
19
0
36
Chichester
Hi, another thread looking for other people’s experiences.
My mum has been in hospital for over a month after fracturing her hip falling of the edge of her bed. Before she went in we were asking professionals for help with her, at that time, undiagnosed , Alzheimer’s which they refused to give . Once she was admitted it very quickly became clear to them that she had these needs and over a period of a week she had a diagnosis of Mid Level Alzheimer’s.
Over the past month plus she has been in four wards and been moved to an isolation unit when she tested positive for asymptomatic COVID. Each ward and indeed person we speak to has a different interpretation of my mum’s needs. On Tuesday morning mum was due to transfer to a nursing home, only to be stopped by the positive test. Now the isolation unit is saying she is fine, no sign of confusion, no more apparent physical reasons to need nursing home care.I thought we had two weeks to get our heads round this change of heart but today I have been told she can be discharged next week So care needs to be organised.
Immediate dilemma , do we hold firm on the nursing home they said up until Tuesday that mum needed for physical needs as well as Alzheimer’s , do we hastily arrange a care home for her to go to or take the risk that half of the professional were wrong or right conversely and bring her home.
What happens if we put her in a care home that she doesn’t need or conversely bring her home only to find that she cant cope and we have to start the battle over again.
Up until Tuesday we were told she needs two people to get her in and out of bed and walk with her, that she won’t eat and spends the majority of her time asleep. As far as wishful thinking goes it would be wonderful to believe she has improved to such a degree but my head keeps questioning it all.
We have NO access to doctors as the staff are “too busy to talk to us” so I only have the voice of my mum from several years ago, way before dementia set in telling me the pains of hell I would suffer if I ever put her in to a home😢
Please don’t think like that, we had the same with my dad about a home. Since my dad went into a care home the change is amazing, he’s safe, cared for and happy. He’s eating, drinking, getting dressed daily and talking to the other residents. Just remember it’s for her safety and to protect her, it’s not failing or anything. It’s not fair her being at home and she falls again and she is suffering in pain, in a care home she is supported and looked after. My dad is in a wheelchair now, cannot walk but at home it was constant falls and he was suffering.
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
179
0
Please don’t think like that, we had the same with my dad about a home. Since my dad went into a care home the change is amazing, he’s safe, cared for and happy. He’s eating, drinking, getting dressed daily and talking to the other residents. Just remember it’s for her safety and to protect her, it’s not failing or anything. It’s not fair her being at home and she falls again and she is suffering in pain, in a care home she is supported and looked after. My dad is in a wheelchair now, cannot walk but at home it was constant falls and he was suffering.
Thanks so much for your support.
Well the last few weeks have been a nightmare but, fingers crossed, we are on firmer ground now. Mum went to a care home where she sustained four falls in 13 days, she went to A and E twice, once with a broken wrist and the other resulting in being hospitalised For another three weeks, no more breaks but quite a poorly lady,!
Yesterday finally, she transferred to a nursing home where she can be given the 24/7 care she needs. The home is about 25 miles away from me but if they can keep her safe and happy I will be happy and gladly do the journey
Roller coaster ride from being an independent lady living at home alone with a few “quirks” on 30/11/20 to a lady needing 24/7 care who doesn’t always recognise us On 1/4/21
She has had to enter yet another two week isolation period which will bring her total to 10 weeks straight by the end of the time. The home has generously allowed one member of the family to visit tomorrow, on her 90th birthday; which I am so grateful about!
 
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Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,794
0
SO glad that you've moved your mum to somewhere that can meet her needs. The home sounds good in that they are being flexible about visiting on her birthday, and it won't be long till things start to open up a bit more and you can visit properly. In the meantime you know she is safe and well care for.
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
179
0
Hi Evie5831, I have been in a similar situation pre COVID times with my Mum. Hospital staff were breaking the law, my POA was disregarded. There were safeguarding issues with the other members of my family in regards to my Mum which were ignored as they lived local.... I wont go on but i can empathise entirely with what a stressful situation this can be and this was pre covid so no doubt its worse for you. I fought tooth and nail the decision to place my mum into temp care in a "available space". I had live in homecare for my mum for just under 2 years. She went into a care home in July last year and I haven't seen her since. From my perspective, and I was warned at the time, homecare is a minefield. Some things worked well, and some things didn't. I had a drunk carer report for duty in the first instance. Someone who was meant to stay long term who decided after 3 days she couldn't stay, someone who stayed for a long time - but I think it only can really work as it should if you and your family have time to fully support the arrangement. It is very hard. Not trying to put you off, but its not a clear cut process as you are sold by homecare agencies. I found that they didnt deliver on the brochure even though the last long stayer with my Mum worked very hard and the circumstances worked well.
If you would like to ask any questions about the homecare element please feel free to do so.
Im now relived my Mum is in an environment that is regulated. Yes she did go down hill once in a care setting, and I haven't been able to see her since last year so that is also something you have to bear in mind.
Really hard... 1 thing I found really invaluable through the discharge process was to engage a mental health advocate on my mums behalf so I could be sure the hospital were acting lawfully throughout the discharge process. They explain everything to you in simple terms but the legality of what needs to happen, and their presence at the meeting made a lot of difference. The NHS staff wanted to steam roller me totally and then found that wasn't possible.
All of this so hard.
Thank you for your support. The last weeks have been one of cycling through options that have proved unhelpful in the extreme. Mum went to a care home but was removed under SS direction after four bad falls in 13 days resulting in a fractured wrist, another fall that damaged the fracture and finally a fall that resulted in no broken bones but sent her back to hospital for three weeks. Mum moved into a nursing home on Thursday with a very clear discharge report saying the high level of monitoring she requires and had yet another unsupervised fall,( all previous ones were unsupervised too) on Saturday evening.
I am in despair, I would sit with her for much of the time if she were not still in isolation, starting the ninth consecutive week when entering the home. The homes obviously don’t have staff, time or maybe even inclination to monitor my mum adequately but refuse to let me do it either! I really don’t know if she is just this unlucky or if, as a family, we are just bad at selecting homes ( under SS guidance with this one or that one due to her level of need) Both homes are the bigger companies and my dad spent a happy few years at the first one but COVID has changed everything. I am totally devastated and at my wits end as to what I can do. I am assured by the professionals that I couldnt manage Her at home as she needs 24/7 attention but she doesn’t get that anywhere she goes so could I do any worse.
 

Suzie B

New member
Feb 5, 2021
3
0
Hi Evie5831,
This is my first post. I totally feel for you. We have also had bad experiences of a care home, and a hospital stay. Mom has mixed dementia - was to be discharged from the hospital and because she needed 24/7 care, we had found a new home, but at the last minute, we decided to bring her home as we didn't think she would be with us for much longer, and with covid restrictions, not being able to visit, for us as a family, we decided this was the best option. She had lost so much weight, stopped eating in hospital, and her delirium was worse. I had said goodbye to her., as I didn't think she would pull through. This was last August. I was able to stay with her for a few weeks and frantically had to sort care, as I live abroad. A few misses with carers, but then Mom's part-time carers took on her 24/7 care. She has a team of 4-5 carers who are absolutely wonderful, she has the best care at home. We have had to fight tooth and nail for everything, regarding a care package, trying to get increased hours for paid carers, but I have persisted. It still only covers a third of the costs.
In my experience, social workers will always try and see how much the family can do and allocate the minimum amount of hours for paid carers. I'm not sure if you are thinking of live-in help or becoming the main carer, but I would contact SS and insist on a care package for carers to come in, even if you are the main carer. It is a huge commitment, and even with great help it still has its challenges. I wish you the best of luck and hope this might help in some way.
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
179
0
Hi Evie5831,
This is my first post. I totally feel for you. We have also had bad experiences of a care home, and a hospital stay. Mom has mixed dementia - was to be discharged from the hospital and because she needed 24/7 care, we had found a new home, but at the last minute, we decided to bring her home as we didn't think she would be with us for much longer, and with covid restrictions, not being able to visit, for us as a family, we decided this was the best option. She had lost so much weight, stopped eating in hospital, and her delirium was worse. I had said goodbye to her., as I didn't think she would pull through. This was last August. I was able to stay with her for a few weeks and frantically had to sort care, as I live abroad. A few misses with carers, but then Mom's part-time carers took on her 24/7 care. She has a team of 4-5 carers who are absolutely wonderful, she has the best care at home. We have had to fight tooth and nail for everything, regarding a care package, trying to get increased hours for paid carers, but I have persisted. It still only covers a third of the costs.
In my experience, social workers will always try and see how much the family can do and allocate the minimum amount of hours for paid carers. I'm not sure if you are thinking of live-in help or becoming the main carer, but I would contact SS and insist on a care package for carers to come in, even if you are the main carer. It is a huge commitment, and even with great help it still has its challenges. I wish you the best of luck and hope this might help in some way.
You truly have had an awful time! I think MPs and care home managers should spend just 30 minutes oh here looking at the various posts. Maybe then they would begin to understand what their actions mean and how those actions affect the families.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
12,013
0
Merseyside
Hi Evie5831,
This is my first post. I totally feel for you. We have also had bad experiences of a care home, and a hospital stay. Mom has mixed dementia - was to be discharged from the hospital and because she needed 24/7 care, we had found a new home, but at the last minute, we decided to bring her home as we didn't think she would be with us for much longer, and with covid restrictions, not being able to visit, for us as a family, we decided this was the best option. She had lost so much weight, stopped eating in hospital, and her delirium was worse. I had said goodbye to her., as I didn't think she would pull through. This was last August. I was able to stay with her for a few weeks and frantically had to sort care, as I live abroad. A few misses with carers, but then Mom's part-time carers took on her 24/7 care. She has a team of 4-5 carers who are absolutely wonderful, she has the best care at home. We have had to fight tooth and nail for everything, regarding a care package, trying to get increased hours for paid carers, but I have persisted. It still only covers a third of the costs.
In my experience, social workers will always try and see how much the family can do and allocate the minimum amount of hours for paid carers. I'm not sure if you are thinking of live-in help or becoming the main carer, but I would contact SS and insist on a care package for carers to come in, even if you are the main carer. It is a huge commitment, and even with great help it still has its challenges. I wish you the best of luck and hope this might help in some way.
Welcome to TP @Suzie B
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
106
0
Thank you for your support. The last weeks have been one of cycling through options that have proved unhelpful in the extreme. Mum went to a care home but was removed under SS direction after four bad falls in 13 days resulting in a fractured wrist, another fall that damaged the fracture and finally a fall that resulted in no broken bones but sent her back to hospital for three weeks. Mum moved into a nursing home on Thursday with a very clear discharge report saying the high level of monitoring she requires and had yet another unsupervised fall,( all previous ones were unsupervised too) on Saturday evening.
I am in despair, I would sit with her for much of the time if she were not still in isolation, starting the ninth consecutive week when entering the home. The homes obviously don’t have staff, time or maybe even inclination to monitor my mum adequately but refuse to let me do it either! I really don’t know if she is just this unlucky or if, as a family, we are just bad at selecting homes ( under SS guidance with this one or that one due to her level of need) Both homes are the bigger companies and my dad spent a happy few years at the first one but COVID has changed everything. I am totally devastated and at my wits end as to what I can do. I am assured by the professionals that I couldnt manage Her at home as she needs 24/7 attention but she doesn’t get that anywhere she goes so could I do any worse.
Really hard for you it all tears at your emotions and it’s very hard to know what is for the best
 

Suzie B

New member
Feb 5, 2021
3
0
You truly have had an awful time! I think MPs and care home managers should spend just 30 minutes oh here looking at the various posts. Maybe then they would begin to understand what their actions mean and how those actions affect the families.
I totally agree. I guess that is why this forum is popular. I really don't think people not affected, have any idea of the impact dementia has on families, and even lesson knowledge of those who battle with dementia.
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
106
0
I totally agree. I guess that is why this forum is popular. I really don't think people not affected, have any idea of the impact dementia has on families, and even lesson knowledge of those who battle with dementia.
I really think no one understands until they have been through it - which is why this can be such a great resource