It is frustrating to watch and not be able to get them the help they really need. All I could do is watch the train wreck unfold in front of me. I knew eventually something would happen that would make the decision for them ( ie. my Mom wandering off in the middle of thenight in her undies and the sheriff was called when she tried to get into a strangers house) She went into assessment and then onto a NH where she is now. Prior to that, my Mom thought my Dad was a stranger that was going to cut her throat......she could have easily clunked him in the head when he wasn't looking thinking she was protecting herself.
All I could do was be there to help, and be frustrated because I knew the situation was worsening and there was nothing I could do to change any of it.
Problem is, they are still adults, still in control of their lives and we are their children, no matter how dimented and unreasonable they are..........they tell us what to do , not vice versa. ( in their minds anyway)
Just try to do whatever you need to do to keep your Mom safe. If it is indeed violent in their house, call the police or eventually someone else will. Abuse is abuse no matter if it is caused by someone brain damaged or psychologically damaged. If your Dad does go into the hospital, or for assessment, be sure to tell them about his alcohol use. I had to tell the medical staff about Mom's because it explained her shaking uncontrolably for two straight days. Might add again that she is so much better since going into the NH.
Don't feel guilty either, it isn't like you are trying to put them away to acquire the family jewels
, you are trying to help.
take care,
Debbie