After coming in to face a full day at work after another horrendous night with no sleep because of my Mum getting up and dressed at 1am determined to "go back home" and me not being able to calm her down for hours, I was already nearing my wits end.
The cherry has now been put on the top of this whole cake of cr@p by me just receiving an abusive phone call from my mother telling me how selfish I am because I won't give up work and stay with her and that all I do is go on holiday and that all I want is to put her in a home. I was away for two nights over the weekend - my first break this year and I paid for a carer to stay with her the whole time. I've also been bending over backwards trying to find ways of keeping her home for as long as possible. I have to work because my mother has no assets other than her pension so pretty much all expenditure has to come from me. Also I don't have any other family so I have to try to provide for my own future financially. If I get to her age and end up the same way there won't be a "me" to look after me.
Anyway the whole thing has just made me feel I wish she would die. I can't believe I'm even thinking this let alone writing it down but the whole situation is so horrible and so insoluble and the woman who is abusing me is so unlike my "real" mother that, try though I really do, I find it really hard not to wish it would all just end by one of us dying.
Sorry, this has probably been fuelled by a combination of lack of sleep and my mother having one of her extremely abusive days but I had to let it out somewhere!!!
The cherry has now been put on the top of this whole cake of cr@p by me just receiving an abusive phone call from my mother telling me how selfish I am because I won't give up work and stay with her and that all I do is go on holiday and that all I want is to put her in a home. I was away for two nights over the weekend - my first break this year and I paid for a carer to stay with her the whole time. I've also been bending over backwards trying to find ways of keeping her home for as long as possible. I have to work because my mother has no assets other than her pension so pretty much all expenditure has to come from me. Also I don't have any other family so I have to try to provide for my own future financially. If I get to her age and end up the same way there won't be a "me" to look after me.
Anyway the whole thing has just made me feel I wish she would die. I can't believe I'm even thinking this let alone writing it down but the whole situation is so horrible and so insoluble and the woman who is abusing me is so unlike my "real" mother that, try though I really do, I find it really hard not to wish it would all just end by one of us dying.
Sorry, this has probably been fuelled by a combination of lack of sleep and my mother having one of her extremely abusive days but I had to let it out somewhere!!!