Is it really the best way..........

[Redsue]

I've been reading messages on the board for a while and finally plucked up the courage to do a post. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers 4 years ago and until the past 6 months everything has been fine, a few forgetful moments but nothing major. Over the past 6 months everything has changed, he's had a couple of infections and that has really impacted on his memory. His confusion has increased, with many episodes of not knowing the family, he seems to forget he is married to my mum, even though they celebrated their Golden Wedding last month. The trouble is on good days he's fine, short term memory issues but nothing else, but on bad days we can spend hours trying to comfort him that he is in his own home, that we are his family and he is safe. He keeps seeing other people in the house particuarly at night - a bloke apparently joins them in bed most nights, but that we can cope with. This weekend he decided the my mum who was sitting next to him couldn't be his wife as she had died and got very distressed for a number of hours until eventually he returned to being 'my dad'. Even as I type this tears are running down my face at this ever so cruel disease - my mum is struggling to cope as am I, especially as every other day we seem to go throuh a severe memory loss. I've walked in as his daughter, and then he looks again, I'm a bloke and then suddenly someone he knows but not his daughter. Apart from offering carers to come in each day, which we frankly don't need, we don't have any issues getting him dressed, washing or eating - the only other option is a care home. He's know where near needing EMI nursing care, but residential don't seem to have the time when he's having a bad day, so really concerned about what is the best option for both my mum and my dad. I know from reading other posts that everyone has been or going through similar so any advice gratefully received

 

[Butter]

Welcome to TP Redsue. I am sorry to learn about your dad and the difficult time you are all having.
It sounds as if you are managing really well. I wonder if there is medication that can relieve your dad's distress? I know his memory cannot be brought back, but may be he could be a little calmer and less unhappy? You are obviously keeping an eye on your mum. I wonder if she would benefit from a break away? Certainly I find it helpful when our son is in charge and I can have a break.
Do keep posting here - I'm sure others will be along soon with more advice and wisdom.

 

[ggma]

Hello and Welcome, you and your Mum do seem to be doing really well. As Butter says do consider using some form of respite for your Mum, either a day or short stay respite will help you cope for longer.

Reading your post I also wondered if you have talked to the Consultant or Memory clinic about the rapid change in your Dad and whether there is any medication that might help.

I hope you find support and help here as you go on your dementia journey with your Dad. Cherish the good days, memories help us all to get through the bad ones.