Is it possible to arrange emergency care?

[mickeyplum]

I am 85 and sole carer for my husband, 91 who has VD. His main problem is loss of memory, both long and short-term. He sleeps and eats well, isn't agressive and was incontinent on just 2 occasions last year. So far, so good.
Although our family live close by and in normal times visit and offer help, I am very independent and aware of their own ages and health issues and limitations.
Life is lonely at times, my OH is no longer the man I've spent my life with, but more like an adult toddler. I'm coping so far but realise we are both getting older and frailer.

Last week I had to call 999 after my blood pressure spiked to the critical stage and I was at risk of stroke. Luckily I wasn't taken to hospital but 18 months ago I was in hospital for 4 days. During that time my family cared for their dad but he was so restless and anxious about me and they realised how much he depends on me.

They are now worried about me having sole care of him if I'm unwell and they feel I should have outside help. But he doesn't need help with washing or dressing or eating and I don't feel the time is right yet for me to have carers etc. He gets very anxious around people he doesn't know. I have cleaners but obviously not during the lockdown.

After my last spell in hospital I contacted Care Agencies to ask if they would be able to step in, just for a few days in the event of an emergency with my health. Understandably they said they don't have enough staff to be on stand by and I would have to agree to a full care package.
My family say If I got some respite from caring I would be able to life my own life and do the things I enjoy. They don't understand that at 85 I no longer have the energy to do the things I used to do. I just enjoy a nice quiet life.

Can any of you kind souls offer advice? It would kill my OH to be suddenly placed in a home while he is still aware - up to a point. Does anybody else have experience with arranging emergency care?
Thanks a million

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @mickeyplum , this may be a bit too much of a radical step but have you considered you both moving to a care home? There is at least one couple in my mother's care home and a friends parents did this when the husband needed care.
In my mother' home there are quite a few people that sound like you. They enjoy the meals and activities, but come and go as they wish, one or two still drive I think. One place I looked at for mum had the equivalent of flats and bedsits so you could still have drinks, meals etc in your own space if you wanted.

 

[Sirena]

Are you able to self-fund care, or would you be relying on social services to fund it?

If SS, you are right they are only interested in providing personal care, which your husband doesn't yet need.

But if you can self-fund, you can go through a care agency and get however many hours of care you want, and they will do a whole range of things. They will provide companionship, take your husband for a walk, to the shops - whatever you normally do with him. You could go with them to begin with and your husband would get to know them. So you could, say, have a carer in for two mornings a week, and then increase hours as necessary. I did this for my mother, and she grew very fond her her main carers.

 

[Baker17]

I am 85 and sole carer for my husband, 91 who has VD. His main problem is loss of memory, both long and short-term. He sleeps and eats well, isn't agressive and was incontinent on just 2 occasions last year. So far, so good.
Although our family live close by and in normal times visit and offer help, I am very independent and aware of their own ages and health issues and limitations.
Life is lonely at times, my OH is no longer the man I've spent my life with, but more like an adult toddler. I'm coping so far but realise we are both getting older and frailer.

Last week I had to call 999 after my blood pressure spiked to the critical stage and I was at risk of stroke. Luckily I wasn't taken to hospital but 18 months ago I was in hospital for 4 days. During that time my family cared for their dad but he was so restless and anxious about me and they realised how much he depends on me.

They are now worried about me having sole care of him if I'm unwell and they feel I should have outside help. But he doesn't need help with washing or dressing or eating and I don't feel the time is right yet for me to have carers etc. He gets very anxious around people he doesn't know. I have cleaners but obviously not during the lockdown.

After my last spell in hospital I contacted Care Agencies to ask if they would be able to step in, just for a few days in the event of an emergency with my health. Understandably they said they don't have enough staff to be on stand by and I would have to agree to a full care package.
My family say If I got some respite from caring I would be able to life my own life and do the things I enjoy. They don't understand that at 85 I no longer have the energy to do the things I used to do. I just enjoy a nice quiet life.

Can any of you kind souls offer advice? It would kill my OH to be suddenly placed in a home while he is still aware - up to a point. Does anybody else have experience with arranging emergency care?
Thanks a million

Can I ask are you registered as a Carer for your husband with the local council?. If you are you are entitled to a Carers card which has your information on it and a registration number. This would enable emergency care to be organised, it would be residential though.

 

[canary]

Just before Christmas I reached carer breakdown and was unable to go home for a few days. Son and daughter contacted Social Services and a place in a care home was found for OH. I actually think that he enjoyed himself there. The staff made a terrific fuss of him and when I brought him home he told me he would like to go there on holiday again sometime!

You can never tell what the reaction is going to be.

 

[Agzy]

I have been offered a carers card along with a key fob with emergency phone number on it. They suggested it as there is no one who could or would provided 24/7 care should anything happen to me. I sent in the form weeks ago but no response yet and presume it is because they are all working from home.

 

[jenniferjean]

Can any of you kind souls offer advice?

I suggest you contact The Princess Royal Trust For Carers.

 

[mickeyplum]

Thank you all of you for the quick responses. Yes I carry a carer's card, yes we are registered with Social Services and yes we would be self-funded, but the agencies I contacted had a list of fees but said they would have to do a full assessment and emergency care could not be provided. All the advice you gave, I will work through it.
So helpful to come on here with what sometimes seems a trivial matter and have you all showing concern. Thanks again

 

[Baker17]

Thank you all of you for the quick responses. Yes I carry a carer's card, yes we are registered with Social Services and yes we would be self-funded, but the agencies I contacted had a list of fees but said they would have to do a full assessment and emergency care could not be provided. All the advice you gave, I will work through it.
So helpful to come on here with what sometimes seems a trivial matter and have you all showing concern. Thanks again

Hi, when I got my card I was told to carry it in my wallet at all times, if there was an emergency social services would be contacted by the people treating me and social services would arrange emergency care for my husband, we would have been self funded under normal circumstances but in an emergency social services would step in.

 

[Sirena]

Thank you all of you for the quick responses. Yes I carry a carer's card, yes we are registered with Social Services and yes we would be self-funded, but the agencies I contacted had a list of fees but said they would have to do a full assessment and emergency care could not be provided. All the advice you gave, I will work through it.
So helpful to come on here with what sometimes seems a trivial matter and have you all showing concern. Thanks again

Yes, that is true, they would want to do an assessment first to ensure they can meet your husband's needs. The manager of the agency assessed my mother, and care began 10 days later. I hope you find something a way of getting the help you need.