Is it normal for someone with Alzheimers to not tell the truth when asked a question?

Freddo

Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
2
0
The Yorkshire Dales
Hello, I'm new to this and wonder if anyone can help answer my question...Mum was diagnosed about a year ago with early stage Alzheimers, she's in her late 80's. I was her main carer at home but after several falls I managed to get Mum into a flat in sheltered accommodation and after a fraught move she actually loves her new flat. Carers visit three times a day to prompt getting up, meals and meds but I have responsibility for all her shopping and day to day needs.
I visit once to twice a week in the evening (work full time) and do her cleaning. I ring her every evening but I am totally frustrated at Mums ability to answer yes to every question I ask her! I ask if she has posted the card I got for her to send, she says yes - my next visit I find it sat on the table unwritten. I ask if she has been for a walk, she tells me yes, I see the notes from the carers and they've been unable to get her out of her chair!
Is this normal to tell loved ones what they want to hear? How do I learn to cope with this behaviour? Any one with any experience of this able to give me some tips please, it's heartbreaking and annoying at the same time?:rolleyes:
 
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stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,712
0
North West
Hello Freddo, and welcome to TP.

I'm sure most members will have experienced this or read about it. It's not uncommon.

I don't know that it's very useful to talk or think of it as 'not telling the truth' as this would normally imply a deliberate lie. Of course people living with dementia can lie, just like other people, but other explanations are probably more likely:

The question may not have been properly understood.
The person may just have decided that the proper thing to do is to give the answer that seems to be wanted.
The person may not remember and just opt for yes or no randomly.
The person may genuinely believe that, for example, they have sent the card.

No doubt there are other possibilities.

It's just one of those things that you eventually get used to, I'm afraid.

Carers not telling the truth.......now that's a different story.:)

To sum up, truth as a concept is sometimes less important in dementia world than it is elsewhere.
 

Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
953
0
Might it be a stock answer to all like 'no' or 'whatever'. Maybe your mum honestly believes she did a,b or c contrary to her true actions. She may remember the intention but didn't carry that through to its conclusion.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Hello Welcome to TP

It is unlikely mum is lying to you or telling you what you want to hear.
It is likely that mum is confused , she may really believe she has done the things she said she has

Their came a time when I realised that it was not a good idea to ask my mum certain questions , things like , have you ..., did you, or present her with several choices , that sort of thing. as it only confused, upset her or she answered wrongly but believing she was right. It seems to me that you mum is having similar problems. I am sad to say it is the Dementia.

I am going to put a link to an old thread That you may find helpful
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

You becoming frustrated is perfectly normal , It is another thing many of us on here have in common.
I found it was good to come and let it out on here .
 
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Freddo

Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
2
0
The Yorkshire Dales
Thanks for this Link and your message, there is some really good advice in the link and I will have to try and be a bit more accepting I think! It's just really hard when Mum has always been so strong-minded about things in the past, its really not like her to just let life slide by without taking an active part in it, it's a terrible disease

Hello Welcome to TP

It is unlikely mum is lying to you or telling you what you want to hear.
It is likely that mum is confused , she may really believe she has done the things she said she has

Their came a time when I realised that it was not a good idea to ask my mum certain questions , things like , have you ..., did you, or present her with several choices , that sort of thing. as it only confused, upset her or she answered wrongly but believing she was right. It seems to me that you mum is having similar problems. I am sad to say it is the Dementia.

I am going to put a link to an old thread That you may find helpful
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

You becoming frustrated is perfectly normal , It is another thing many of us on here have in common.
I found it was good to come and let it out on here .
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,032
0
Hi Freddo

I agree with what others have said. I have had early onset symptoms for 5 years now and frequently have 'absences' I am not present during these episodes but can talk. If someone is not able to recognize - sorry my tablet is playing up and tried to edit but it wouldn't save don't know if it will this bit either?

If someone is not able to recognize that I am having a bad episode they do not realise that I am confused, muddled, can't remember what I have done or need to do am often in severe pain too and just need the episode to pass so that I can think properly again. When it does pass I am faced with the same confusion and disarray that faces carers and am very frustrated too. The less understanding treat me as if I am being awkward purpose nothing could be further than the truth.

I will go and read link too or some tips hope they help
Best wishes
Sue
 
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jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
0
South Staffordshire
Hi Freddo and welcome to the forum.

Your Mum is not letting things slide, they are sliding because she has no control over how dementia is affecting her brain. How you word your questions will help but please don't beat yourself up over it, I am nine years into dealing with dementia and I still get it wrong. I don't think I know what normal is any more.

Take care and I look forward to you joining us,

Jay
 

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