Is it inevitable?

[kingmidas1962]

Another one of my random musings - so apologies if you've read them before and wished you hadnt

What I keep wondering is if it is inevitable that we take after our parents, in some way?

My mum has suffered from depression and anxiety, for years - she cared for HER mother, suffering a breakdown in the process. She always said to me 'I'll never get like my mother' (my nan) but lo and behold - she is a complete carbon copy.

I can hear my nan in her voice - the constant moaning and complaining, everything black .. nothing good in anything. I can see my nan in her actions - the perpetual wringing of hands and body as taut as a piano wire with anxiety.

I seem to have a very different persona to hers when she was my age - so is it a possibility that I will morph into her, as I get old?

Its a depressing thought. The only thing that keeps me optimistic is that I have always been, inherently, an optimistic person. My glass is always half full - things will always get better ... someone up there likes me (even in my darkest hours).

My hope is that I am more like my dad - placid, accepting ... chilled out. But he's the one who has developed dementia.

Am I doomed to be one or the other?!

Blimey, that's depressing ... sorry!

 

[CollegeGirl]

I worry about this too, Kingmidas, but the other way round. I worry that my two daughters will morph into me. I am always worried or anxious about something, I'm prone to depression, and am a very deep thinker.

I dread passing these traits onto my daughters, for whom I want nothing but sunshine and happiness.

 

[kingmidas1962]

I worry about this too, Kingmidas, but the other way round. I worry that my two daughters will morph into me. I am always worried or anxious about something, I'm prone to depression, and am a very deep thinker.

I dread passing these traits onto my daughters, for whom I want nothing but sunshine and happiness.

...but you seem very self aware - and that's the key. Mum really has no idea that she is like her own mum ... only once or twice has she shown any insight into her own 'self' at all.

You're an incredibly caring person too, who only wants the best for her daughters. My mum doesn't seem to understand (or care?) what the effect is on me, at all!

Sunshine and happiness - I would love a mum who wanted that for me - they're lucky girls to have you xxx

 

[rajahh]

I am lucky I know I am not like my mother. She died when she was 68 after 8 years of dementia. I am 74 and so far dementia free.

My mother was always dominated by her husband, and rarely spoke up for herself. I am the opposite, and even more so now.

So do not worry unduly. it isnot a given that you will turn out like your mother.

Jeannette