Dear Snippet
You have had much sadness in your life, out of which has come, obviously, much compassion.
For now, for Grandma, this is one of her hells. The conversations she will be having with Grandad are of no use - he has a memory retention of about 2 minutes minus zero, the saddest but the truest, horrible result of dementia related illnesses. I'm trying to say what I've said through many frustrated years of larnin', you can't reason with the unreasonable and tragically dementia relates so. There is no reasoning because the question has gone from the mind in an instant - don't expect an answer only angry frustration. We as carers have all done it. Shouting at the people we love, something we don't understand........until we are made/become aware that we are shouting at dementia the illness not the person we love.
Don't underestimate your Gran, she's been around the block in her life one way or another, she knows what is going on - she's been living with this for a lot longer than she will have admitted, trying to protect Grandad. It is essential that Grandad takes the thyroxine or whatever, they're tiny pills so throw it into a jelly, trifle, favourite cake or tell him it's a vitamin pill - all variations worked for me with Mum.
I know what you mean about wanting to look after everything as a family and I hope you will always be able so to do. I wanted this very much too for my loving family. Sadly it wasn't to be and we now make the best of a bad situation and fumble along. All I would suggest is that you never say never; there may come a time when help is needed and there is no shame in that - in fact, sometimes it can be an act of love, not to say, relief for everybody - you can come back to it refreshed from the stress. Anyways, that's for the future who knows.
Like your Gran and Grandad, neither of my parents have been ill in their lives apart from the ravages of old age. Bette Davis it was who said 'Old age ain't for cissies' and she is right. It's one hell of a fight to hold it all together without serious physical infirmity, but dementia is an illness all on its own, devastating for everybody and extremely stressful and devastating for those who love. And now that I'm beginning to sound like a preacher it's time for me to go. With love
Chesca