Hi Jowan. You're not the only one but it sounds as if you are burdened with solo responsibility whereas I have encouragement and some small degree of practical support from other family members.
I have been a long-distance carer for my mum for almost 7 years. 500 miles in our case. My mother also has live-in carers. There is a lot of administration and financial management. You have my sympathy. Her house is modern and in good repair, and she has the funds for me to pay a gardener, window cleaner, and various workers to repair and improve things as needed. If you're doing the job with very limited funds it must be very tough. My mother isn't rich but with income and savings she has enough to pay the bills for another 4 years. Then I suppose we would have to sell her house, but she is unlikely to live that long.
I got her AA and Direct Payments from the LA, Council Tax disregard, Blue Badge. It takes time. I didn't achieve all that in one year. This year I got grants for a new boiler, ramp and wetroom. Great, but it still takes forever to get the work done. I expect it will be 2015 before we get a date for the wetroom. My mother is 90 next month. Will it all be achieved in her lifetime?
I used to fly up regularly to Scotland (on her dime) but this year I have been driving. It takes me 3 days because I get too tired with the long distances. A few times a year my husband comes up to help. Until a year ago I was supporting my MIL who has dementia, so I couldn't spend more than 5 days away because it was difficult to get other family members to cover the daily support visits. Now I have the luxury of more free time.
For a few years after my first redundancy I worked part-time at different temporary jobs, which fitted around my carer duties. With my patchy recent job record I was no longer an obvious choice for anyone's shortlist. I eventually stopped getting interviews and last year gave up the job seeking. The constant rejection was doing my head in. I am fortunate to have had a partner in work, but I mourn the career I used to have and am now too old to pursue.
I wouldn't call what I do a full-time job, but it is definitely a responsible and permanent part-time job (without pay). My husband and I are now her legal guardians, which will involve more work for OPG. I will have probably spent about 25% of my year away from home in 2014. I have been organising building works and adaptations to my mother's house. We needed a loft conversion to create more bedrooms, now that my mother has 2 carers living in at all times. I'm going back next week for more. A wheelchair ramp, tree pruning and organising the next project, which will be her wetroom.
It's different when it's your mother I am sure. Not that we had a brilliant relationship in the past but that's water under the bridge. I feel blessed that we've had so much more quality time together than I ever could have hoped for. She lives in a lovely part of the world, and I get my regular injections of sea and mountain views. These are my compensations for the time and responsibility involved.
I'm not sure if I could have made such an indefinite commitment to someone who wasn't my mother. I also wouldn't have done it if she'd continued to be the antagonistic and critical person she used to be. People can suck you dry. We are all entitled to our own lives, not being permanently subservient to someone else's needs.
None of us expected my mother to live so long. 7 years ago she was in hospital at death's door. I initially agreed to being her main supporter with an expected duration of 2-3 years, 5 at the most. She has surprised us all by her stamina. Now I am used to how things are and don't want it all to end.
That sounds horribly callous.
Of course I want her to go on enjoying a reasonably happy quality of life.
I also enjoy my 'job'. It satisfies my professional urges. I use the skills learned in my working life to manage her household and care. That is a frank admission of the selfish pleasure I get from doing the job successfully. I hope that it may give you fresh thoughts about your own sense of achievement. OK, it's not earning a living, but it is a successful job in its own way. What is it they say? Life is what happens while you are making plans.