I posted previously about how difficult it is to get my husband to wash regularly. I received many helpful replies. However, I tried some of them, such as using a foaming skin cleanser, but the crux of the matter is this. He simply refuses to take off his clothes. Currently he smells of stale urine. I have watched him and his bed, where he sits carefully and have never found any wet spots, so how this is happening, I don't know. Anyway, in another forum I mentioned my difficulty in getting him to wash and that I was considering permanent rest home care for him. I received a reply saying that if I can't get him to wash, they will probably have no more success in a rest home. Can anybody confirm this please?
Is a rest home next?
- Thread starter Pusskins
- Start date
@Pusskins hygiene can be very difficult. I think you may find that carers coming into the home or those in a care home have more experience of assisting with personal care. In a care home, they can come back to a resident multiple times to persuade them and in the case of my mother, the carers are remarkably resilient as she gets very aggressive during washing.
Nothing is black and white with dementia, if you are considering a care home, talk to them about this issue and see how they would handle it. Sometimes it helps if it is not a member of the family who is providing the care.
Nothing is black and white with dementia, if you are considering a care home, talk to them about this issue and see how they would handle it. Sometimes it helps if it is not a member of the family who is providing the care.
Thank you. I am taking him to the doctor on 30th of June. It was suggested to me that sometimes somebody in authority telling them they must keep clean, works. They are warned that if they don't keep clean, otherwise it's a rest home. We shall see!
Many people on here have found that getting carers in helps with getting them to change their clothes and wash. Often the person with dementia will go into "host/hostess mode" and be more cooperative for someone "official". I dont have personal experience of this as mum would not accept carers coming into her home, but I do know that when mum was moved into a care home the staff there got her washed and changed into clean clothes within 24 hours. I was amazed as prior to that she was always dressed in the same dirty clothes and obviously hadnt washed in weeks (maybe months). I have no idea how they managed it, but they did.
Getting the GP to tell them that they must wash may work in the moment, but the trouble is that the information wont be retained, so that by the time you get back he will have forotten the conversation and even that he had been to the GP! Id try carers coming in to see if this would work.
Getting the GP to tell them that they must wash may work in the moment, but the trouble is that the information wont be retained, so that by the time you get back he will have forotten the conversation and even that he had been to the GP! Id try carers coming in to see if this would work.
I take your point re remembering the message. I have tried a carer coming in once previously and it didn't go down well, but perhaps I can try again with the carer just coming in for a chat and cup of tea to begin with and then perhaps moving to assisting with showering/washing etc.
I feel quite annoyed at whoever told you that! If you were to ask my Dad if he had washed or showered, he would tell you yes, every day. But not a shower in case he fell over. So just a wash with a flannel and soap (maybe not soap. Flannel never washed). He claimed he washed every day. I doubt that was the case. The care home have established a routine with him and he now accepts personal care when I never thought he would. He has a proper bath where he is bathed by carers at least once a week, sometimes more often. You'll see plenty of examples on this forum of PWD not washing or showering or going into the shower and not washing or not using soap etc, it's very common, but is often brought to an acceptable standard when in residential care.
I struggled to get my dad to wash but he was always co-operative with carers when I arranged them for him.
I remember someone here used to get their PWD to change their clothes by “accidentally “ spilling a lukewarm drink on them - and once the clothes are off you could always suggest a wash ..
I remember someone here used to get their PWD to change their clothes by “accidentally “ spilling a lukewarm drink on them - and once the clothes are off you could always suggest a wash ..
My mother-in-law refused all personal care from her carers in her own home for over three years including not washing her hair. When she went into full time care the staff had her bathed and hair washed in 48 hours. They had the time and experience to deal with her rather than time constrained carer visits
I could have almost written the same post as Gordon is also very determined not to wash. I finally employed a team of carers 3 weeks ago as he has not bathed for months and would never remove his socks for me. After a successful change of clothing last visit, although no wash, he point blank refused to cooperate today. I am increasing the number of visits per week in a desperate attempt to get him to accept the care that he needs. As he is now showing signs of bowel incontinence, this matter is even more urgently in need of a solution. Good luck
just to offer a warm welcome to DTP @Gordon's wife
I hope the carer's gradually work out how to support your husband ... it's good that you are increasing the visits, as you deserve their help with daily tasks
I hope the carer's gradually work out how to support your husband ... it's good that you are increasing the visits, as you deserve their help with daily tasks
Alan would not shower, shave or sometimes wouldn’t get up but since going into a care home in February he doesn’t have a choice. The carers know how to deal with this problem. I asked them did he shower and shave and they said they had never had a problem. Saw him for the first time in over three months yesterday it was so nice. He looked well and apart from desperately needing a haircut and wearing someone else’s clothes he looked clean and well cared for. Doesn’t stop me from missing him and crying though !!! Good luck with your husband.
Nothing is certain but since my wife went into her care home a hygiene routine has been established which means that hair washing and having baths are no longer the battle that they used to be when she was here with me.
Thanks everyone. On Friday one of his care team managed to get Gordon in the shower. He wasn't happy but she definitely has his measure!
And he has seen a podiatrist and has a haircut booked!
So, definitely an improvement...
And he has seen a podiatrist and has a haircut booked!
So, definitely an improvement...
Hi there. My experience with my wife was the same and in the end was one of the final straws.
its very common for PWD to self neglect. my wife saw no point to getting washed or putting fresh clothes on .. In the end she had the same clothes on for about 2 months. threatening , pleading, shouting, crying all made no difference. A carer was hired but achieved nothing. When she finally had to go into a home last August it took two professional nurses two hours to get her clean and clean clothed. She put up quite a fight.
Personally, once you get to your stage, I believe you should consider a home. i
If you can get a hired carer to achieve what i couldn’t, well done. I wish you well and reply any time if you need to unload. I’ve been through the mill and can only tell you of my experience for what it’s worth
Peter
Thank you for your reply. Things haven't improved at all and today are actually worse. I've posted another thread entitled: 'Feeling desperate' where you can read the latest. Another problem is that I have no family or friends to help and some days I think I will have a breakdown. Yet, I still find it difficult to make the decision to place him into permanent care. I suppose the time will come where I just know I can't continue any longer and will make the call. I feel I need to think of myself also, but all my life I have always put others before myself and it's a hard habit to get out of.
