Is a 'night nurse' feasable for Dad?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Peapod, May 19, 2007.

  1. Peapod

    Peapod Registered User

    May 19, 2007
    55
    Pembrokeshire
    This is my first post on this wonderful forum, so my head's in a total whirl - please forgive me if this seems a silly question, but Dad has just gone into an assessment unit after being diagnosed with vascular dementia about 18 months ago and 'going downhill' in the last week or so.
    The staff are wonderful and me and Mum can't fault the unit itself, but we can't stand the thought of him not being at home, however awful it's been for Mum.

    He has all the 'usual' symptoms which unfortunately include wild hallucinations and delusions, but Mum and I think that between us we could just about cope with him during the day (I only live a mile away), but it's the nights that are the problem with constant nightmares, seeing people/animals in his room and even insisting that Mum has got a lover hidden away somewhere!

    What I'm really trying to ask is, is it possible to employ a specialised nurse to 'sleep in' and at least allow Mum to get a decent nights sleep - or am I grasping at straws?

    There are no EMI beds available where we live (remote part of Pembs.) ,so what on earth do we do if Dad comes out of assessment definately needing this type of care?? Best wishes to all going through this....
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Hi welcome to TP :)

    you could but your have to fund it yourself , must be pretty expensive so could you afford it ?

    I have not experience that with my mother , but am sure someone on TP has , they pop in to give you some advice on that
     
  3. Natashalou

    Natashalou Registered User

    Mar 22, 2007
    426
    london
    Yes

    it is certainly possible in the london area, I looked into this. costs were from about £430 per week based on 4 to 5 ten hour shifts. might be a bit cheaper outside London.
     
  4. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    #4 BeckyJan, May 19, 2007
    Last edited: May 19, 2007
    I think that is the most reasonable and sensible request you could make - BUT I have a feeling the NHS do not provide such a service. (How naive of them as it would save so much).

    I guess it would have to be self funded - but ask at your local Alz Group Organiser - he/she may know the local situation. I know some hospices for cancercare provide such a service but I do not know of any for Dementia.

    This is not a helpful reply but may lead you to other ideas. Hope you get more help from others. Best wishes Beckyjan
     
  5. Peapod

    Peapod Registered User

    May 19, 2007
    55
    Pembrokeshire
    #5 Peapod, May 19, 2007
    Last edited: May 19, 2007
    Thankyou everyone - all replies are helpful in that you know you are not alone in this! :)
    It's just heartbreaking to leave Dad after a visit; today he was trotting along the corridor towards the main door of the unit thinking we were taking him home and we literally had to turn our backs on this man who is/was kind, intelligent, funny and gentle and the best husband and father you could wish to have. How the hell do do cope?
    We know it would be horrifically expensive to have a private nurse - Mum and Dad do have savings and own their house outright, so a nursing home would have to be paid for anyway. I haven't got a brilliant income so wouldn't be much use in contributing anything.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,568
    Kent
    Dear Peapod,

    I can see how difficult it is to leave your father under these circumstances, but he is there because there is no alternative, and because of that you have to cope.

    Asking for advice about a night nurse, shows you are only thinking of the best for him. I do hope you will be able to find one, as your mother would benefit too.

    Take care
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
  8. Peapod

    Peapod Registered User

    May 19, 2007
    55
    Pembrokeshire
    I just spoke to dad on the phone prior to visiting him this afternoon - at first he said he felt miserable and that he wanted to come home, but he seemed much brighter as of late albeit still confused etc.
    We're seeing a social worker this week in the hope that we can arrange a proper care package for him; we hope against hope to be able to care for him at home when he comes out of assessment, and boy are we going to make sure that we have all the help we can get from social services!
    Thanks again everyone!
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    great New :)
     
  10. Peapod

    Peapod Registered User

    May 19, 2007
    55
    Pembrokeshire
    Thanks for the smile Margarita - 'talking' on here and the kindness of other people really helps. :)
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Wondering if you got the ball rolling out with SW about care package , I know its early days , but SW always need pushing & reminding !
     
  12. Peapod

    Peapod Registered User

    May 19, 2007
    55
    Pembrokeshire
    Yes, we're seeing a social worker tomorrow and having a meeting with Dad's doctor.
    Poor Dad is so 'up and down' - we're visiting him every day and as soon as we walk in he's agitated and wants to get out of the unit, however we usually manage to calm him down to the point where he accepts he HAS to stay there to be properly assessed and see if any new medication works.
    Yesterday he was pretty lucid and we had to really get it through to him that some discomfort and 'imprisonment' now was surely worth it if he could come back home!
     

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