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Irritating Habits

teetoe

Registered User
Mar 10, 2016
78
NSW, Australia
OH takes a phone call, writes on paper "Rhonda from company X called". Who is she, what did she want, do I call her back, what is the number I wonder. Asked OH, 10 min conversation ensues in total confusion. Denies ever taking msg. Produces another msg on paper written by me. That proves it, this msg must be mine too (different writing). Smile thru gritted teeth, look up Company X on internet, interesting conversation follows ...
 

carrieboo

Registered User
Feb 1, 2016
110
herts uk
Noisily sucking her teeth, drives the whole family mad! Separating her money (apparently randomly) into numerous different purses before we can leave the house, then putting them all in her handbag :confused:
 

Caz60

Registered User
Jul 24, 2014
253
Lancashire
Unfastening his seat belt when we are on our way home after being out .When I say why have you done that he says I don't understand him and that he needs the toilet .He may need the toilet but it is now a habit ,he gets upset because I can't read his mind .
So sad ....
 

GrandmaBarb

Registered User
Am so glad you all posted about these habits! Now I don't feel like a terrible wife for being irritated by some of my husband's habits. All came about only as the dementia progressed. Looking back, some are funny, some sad. But a good laugh really helps sometimes!

Ah, yes. The loo paper. Uses so much that he stops up the toilet. Have to dig it out myself to keep it from totally clogging and overflowing.

Taking off his seat belt before we got home. That was a scary one for me as we had to go through busy intersections. Now he is not able to get in the van so we don't go anywhere.

Telephone messages! Me - "Did anyone call?"
Hubby - "The doctor called." (He had four or five different doctors!)
"Which doctor?"
"I don't know."
"What did they want?"
"About some appointment, I think. I don't remember."
"Did you write it down?" (Pad and pencil next to phone.)
"No."

Good thing we had caller ID. This was before I realized how bad he had gotten. Now there is no phone next to his chair and he is never left alone.

Will not turn the TV down or off when we have visitors. He is hard of hearing and long ago refused to wear his hearing aids. I have to confiscate the remote even when his hospice nurse is here so we can hear one another. He fumes but doesn't try to take the remote from me anymore.

Wakes up when the dog barks at night. Usually she is barking at a bear outside. Hubby thinks she has to go out. Makes it to the door and, thank goodness!, the door alarm goes off. I jump out of bed and remind him, yet again, that the dog can't go out by herself. Many reasons why but doesn't do any good. Happened again early this morning. Before the door alarms hubby would go out on porch in his undies calling the dog to come in. Problem was, the dog hadn't gone out! She was hiding in the bedroom not about to tangle with a bear!

Will try to dress himself once in a while. I do it now, though, because he has lost so much function. Years ago he would put clothes for the next day on the chair beside his bed. Went in to get him dressed one day recently and he was all tangled up in bed linen. "I can't figure out these pants!" I had put a clean set of sheets on the chair the night before to remind me to change his linen in the morning. He was trying to get dressed in a fitted sheet! We both laughed at that one.

Newest habit - he has figured out how to remove his disposable undies. I get it. When they are wet they sag and are uncomfortable. Usually happens when he first wakes up, early in the morning. Will he call me? (I keep the baby monitor on next to my ear all night and I'm only two rooms away.) No! Problem is, he can't put clean undies on! And he dribbles all over the carpet until I get up or see him walking around without any pants on! I clean with the pet urine odor cleaner but my house is starting to smell like the men's room at the bus station!
 

Challenged

Registered User
Jun 20, 2016
2
Oxfordshire
It's getting me down

I've just joined this group specifically to search for help in how to deal with irritating habits. With dementia, you can't say: "STOP DOING THAT". So the only solution is to find a way to cope with irritations and repetitions. I'm not managing. And realise it's bad for my health. How can I change? How do other people manage?


Thanks for those helpful comments - I realise that it's just part of the territory with dementia. Has anybody found a helpful way to avoid going "up the wall"?
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,004
Colchester
I had never thought that all the tidying and straightening of things was a common symptom. I have all the placements in perfect position, tissues neatly folded, piles of magazines neatly placed and so on. Well, now I know this is another fairly common sympton of dementia. What fun.!!!! xx
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Thanks for those helpful comments - I realise that it's just part of the territory with dementia. Has anybody found a helpful way to avoid going "up the wall"?
John's favourite question was "Is it Thursday?", and he asked this so many times in an hour, every hour, every day, that if I had a £ each time he asked it, I could solve the National Debt of several countries, at a stroke. :)

It took me a long time to learn, but eventually I realised that saying "no, it's Monday", wasn't helping him at all, and just making me rigid with frustration, when he would then say "oh, so tomorrow's Saturday then". And we would start again.

How did I manage for so long, and still stop myself from climbing the wall? I agreed with him. :) The penny dropped, that it would make no difference whether I corrected him or not, so I just said "yes", and he was so pleased, cos he thought he was right.

When he insisted on playing with the remote, trying to change channels, whilst holding it upside down, though he no longer knew what it was for, I closed my eyes, and asked him to help me fold towels or something. When he said he was fed up with me having affairs all the time - I apologised.

When John was in the mid stages, and kept asking me what was happening whilst we were watching a TV drama, and was that man having an affair with the woman who had the knife or the one with the hat, at the crucial moment (neither had a knife or a hat), I realised that if I wanted to watch something, I'd best record it, and watch it on my own when he was in bed.

When, in the depths of winter, he accused me of destroying all the flowers, so he had nothing to look at from his chair, I went to several garden centres, bought silk flowers and oasis, and "planted" 3 pots in a prime position for him, covering the oasis with compost.

But over the years, I went Up The Wall on many an occasion. ;)
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
I had never thought that all the tidying and straightening of things was a common symptom. I have all the placements in perfect position, tissues neatly folded, piles of magazines neatly placed and so on. Well, now I know this is another fairly common sympton of dementia. What fun.!!!! xx

It is so sad isn't it? What makes me even sadder is that the person suffering with this awful disease would be horrified if he / she realised some habits cause carers so much stress.

It is so important to keep asking for help so that a carer can get some help.

Sending lots of support,

Aisling
 

GrandmaBarb

Registered User
How does one keep from going up the wall? Challenged, if you find out, please share! I actually have Xanax (alprazolam). I take half of a 0.25mg tablet when things get so bad that I start to lose my temper. That and prayer works and does not make me sleepy. Don't want to take anything that dulls my judgement or ability to take care of my husband. Funny thing happened. One of my last routine blood tests came back abnormal. The tech called to tell me and asked if I drank (alcohol). "I wish!"
 

teetoe

Registered User
Mar 10, 2016
78
NSW, Australia
The awful thing is, whenever something disappears or is out of the ordinary I automatically suspect OH. My keys have disappeared and I keep searching in his things and asking him. What if, shock horror, it is actually I who have put them somewhere! :eek:
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,496
66
Toronto, Canada
The awful thing is, whenever something disappears or is out of the ordinary I automatically suspect OH. My keys have disappeared and I keep searching in his things and asking him. What if, shock horror, it is actually I who have put them somewhere! :eek:
That is so, so true, teetoe. It is awful to think that we first consider our loved ones to have moved something when actually we are quite capable of losing things on our own.
 

irismary

Registered User
Feb 7, 2015
499
West Midlands
Just read through this whole thread and have similar. Spent ages searching the house as our neighbours little boys favourite ball had come into our garden and we couldn't find it. I was convinced OH had put it over the wrong fence or bought it in the house. He hadn't it was right in the middle of a bush but I couldn't see it until I happened to see it from bathroom window. Hadn't accused him but had thought it. Little boy was very happy to get his ball back anyway.
Every morning I bring him downstairs and put tv on but he moves stuff around - newspapers, magazines, photos, ornaments. Then find things in odd places. Keys vanish into drawers and pockets. When we have visitors he keeps getting things to show them - pictures of the wall, ornaments, books - I suppose its his way of joining in but it can be irritating when trying to have a sensible conversation with someone as I don't get many chances. Lots of other less pleasant ones as well - snorting, blowing nose on £5 note, sucking food off knife, etc. I know its the condition and he would be mortified if he knew.
 

teetoe

Registered User
Mar 10, 2016
78
NSW, Australia
... blowing nose on £5 note ...
I'm sorry but any excuse to laugh is good and this one did tickle me! So a friend drops in for coffee and the coffee machine has disappeared. OH had decided to hide a lot of stuff in the boot of the car in case I took it to the op shop! (not sure why). He proudly produced it when I asked him. My stuff keeps disappearing too and gets secreted away. I am now carrying around a very large handbag with stuff in it which I can't do without.
 

caqqufa

Registered User
Jun 4, 2016
142
John's favourite question was "Is it Thursday?", and he asked this so many times in an hour, every hour, every day, that if I had a £ each time he asked it, I could solve the National Debt of several countries, at a stroke. :)

It took me a long time to learn, but eventually I realised that saying "no, it's Monday", wasn't helping him at all, and just making me rigid with frustration, when he would then say "oh, so tomorrow's Saturday then". And we would start again.

How did I manage for so long, and still stop myself from climbing the wall? I agreed with him. :) The penny dropped, that it would make no difference whether I corrected him or not, so I just said "yes", and he was so pleased, cos he thought he was right.

When he insisted on playing with the remote, trying to change channels, whilst holding it upside down, though he no longer knew what it was for, I closed my eyes, and asked him to help me fold towels or something. When he said he was fed up with me having affairs all the time - I apologised.

When John was in the mid stages, and kept asking me what was happening whilst we were watching a TV drama, and was that man having an affair with the woman who had the knife or the one with the hat, at the crucial moment (neither had a knife or a hat), I realised that if I wanted to watch something, I'd best record it, and watch it on my own when he was in bed.

When, in the depths of winter, he accused me of destroying all the flowers, so he had nothing to look at from his chair, I went to several garden centres, bought silk flowers and oasis, and "planted" 3 pots in a prime position for him, covering the oasis with compost.

But over the years, I went Up The Wall on many an occasion. ;)

or even think that the people on tv are actually in the living room and have to switch off!
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
Oh what would I give for one more day with my husband and his annoying habits, instead of the visits to the home to see the man who looks familiar but I don't recognise.
 

Pb46

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
24
Ulverston, Cumbria
Thanks for the boost

Can't tell you how much this thread helps!!! I'm finding the constant fidgeting so annoying. He will want to sit next to me on sofa and I hate it, manage about 10 mins before I have to get up and leave. ( and feel guilty for doing do) Knowing I'm not the only one frustrated by this helps so much, thanks guys. Have to say the only teeth grinding is mine, in frustration!! Xx
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Can't tell you how much this thread helps!!! I'm finding the constant fidgeting so annoying. He will want to sit next to me on sofa and I hate it, manage about 10 mins before I have to get up and leave. ( and feel guilty for doing do) Knowing I'm not the only one frustrated by this helps so much, thanks guys. Have to say the only teeth grinding is mine, in frustration!! Xx
So glad you're finding the thread helpful. :) Although it doesn't stop the habit, it helps so much to know that You're Not Alone, and others are going/have gone through this as well.

Please don't feel guilty, though I know it's near-impossible not to. xxx