1. margaritaadios

    margaritaadios Registered User

    Aug 13, 2007
    25
    Portsmouth
    Dear friends of talking point:

    How are you all? Well from my side today we had a horrendous day with my mother in law that suffers dementia. We had arguments there was shouting and even pushing her away because she was very aggressive. The urging was about something very unimportant like doing the washing up with dirty water. She could no see wrongdoing and I lost my temper as you do when you feel tired and worn after such exhausting job of looking after her.
    Now I feel guilty because I know that this type of arguments does not help her or me.
    She did not choose to get dementia I understand and, the family cope quite ok so far. However, as the illness progress her temper and behaviour is deteriorating. We don know how to avoid these arguments? How to release the anger and frustration we feel inside with out getting down to this level of disrespect?

    Please if any of you have, any advise in the matter I love to hear it. Thank you very much for sharing your experiences and for your understanding.
     
  2. cariad

    cariad Registered User

    Sep 29, 2007
    89
    Hi, it's easy to take things personally when you are tired. Don't feel guilty, we've all been there (many times!). As for advice I'd say 'choose your battles wisely'. Otherwise you both end up fraught and upset (but you end up remembering it too!). When you feel your blood start to boil (mine simmers at least 10 times a day), recognise the feeling. Then distract your MIL and yourself. Pull out a favourite photo album or a packet of her favourite biscuits and ignore the problem (unless it's a safety issue or hygeine one). Good luck (it works for me)
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #3 Margarita, Dec 10, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2007
    Don't feel guilty , It happen to use all

    They was no telling my mother don't stick spoon that she just stuck in her mouth back into the soup I was making on Cooker , when my daughter saw mum doing that they would not eat it.

    so had to cook 2 lots next time , telling mum this one for you taste it .

    with washing up I just let her get on with it , then me or my daughter just had to wash then again , seem to make her feel helpful as if I challenge her about it just get her back up.

    So I lean not to challenge her .

    get to the dishes before her , or to make her feel helpful, say to her you just love washing up , so would you mind drying up, while I wash them . Me anything for an easy life with mum and her AZ
     

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