Invisibles - again!!

[Margaret79]

Our invisible is so predictable. Doesn’t bother with his Mother except her Birthday and Christmas and has taken to giving us a day or two notice. Like he’s so busy and of course we’ll be here.

I’ve been expecting him to contact my Husband, we joked that he’d text tonight and he did slightly surprise me by calling but when Dave didn’t answer his mobile (he won’t call the landline in case I answer!) he sent a text asking if we were in for a Santa drop on Sunday and could he still drive here or did he need a boat.

Now here’s the bit I’m struggling with. I asked Dave to find out what time they were intending to come as I don’t want to see them and what I got back was “ don’t you think it’s time you stopped this”? I feel so angry with Husband for not supporting me with my feelings and letting his Brother walk all over him. He seems to think I’m acting like a child and should grow up. He doesn’t feel like he should tell his Brother to grow up and take some responsibility for his Mum.

There’s no part of me that wants to see BIL, SIL and their 2 teenage daughters and I’m angry with them that they’re going to distrupt Sunday, the only free day I have til Christmas and I’m angry that they’re causing us to argue with each other.

Rant over, thanks for being there, it helps just writing things down.

 

[jan1962]

Hi there,

it is not a rant it is how you are feeling. i know how you feel about the invisibles i have some of the to. namely my SIL never see her unless it is her birthday or Christmas. i would tell your husband that it is his family and his responsibility to see to them on Sunday. he should know how you feel i know my OH does. why should you give up your only day off up to host the invisiables. do not allow them to cause tension between you and your husband. do they always ring him on his mobile, if so to me that should tell your OH that they do not want to speak to you, not your problem.

could you make an excuse when they arrive that you have to go and do some last min shopping, see them in and then leave.

what every you do do not let them upset you.

jan1962

 

[ellejay]

Ooh Margaret, Grrrrrrr. For years my SIL would make snide comments, little digs etc, to me because...... I've no idea why, she just didn't like me. One day I'd had enough & snapped back, & we didn't see them for months.

Yes, it was all my fault, because "Well, you know what she's like,thats just the way she is"

Oh that's alright then!

I'm cross on your behalf.

Lin x

 

[Margaret79]

Thanks Jan, I went out last time before they even got here so I didn't even have to see them. I can either go out or go upstairs and watch a dvd on my laptop.

My problem is that Dave doesn't understand that I can't be part of the way the invisibles treat MIL and him. I would cause a scene and get angry with them, probably bop BIL on the nose. I'm usually a very placid person and maybe I'm scared of feeling so much when they're around.

My family talk to each other and sort things out, everything is unspoken in Dave's family and it drives me nuts

 

[Saffie]

I agree with Jan Margaret. It is the last day before Christmas Eve and it would be quite understandable if you had to do some shopping. Then go out and have some tea somewhere, treat yourself.X

 

[creativesarah]

you can come to me for tea!

 

[Margaret79]

If only you were a bit closer Sarah I'd be there everyday . Thank you for the invite. x

 

[nellbelles]

Margaret

So sorry that you may need to resort to violence, I may be doing the same also on Sunday, perhaps we could share a cell later in the evening.

My invisible is one brother who comes with Tom's granddaughter (his wife) but not when I am in so if he turns up on Sunday I think a slap will be in order, he last came to see me the Sunday before Christmas last year.

Maybe TP could have Christmas on a different date to other people so we can enjoy it without family stress.

Helen x

 

[Margaret79]

Oh Helen, I'd be honoured to share a cell with you What is it with these invisibles, they really have such thick skins and are so insensitive. Grrr. Will be thinking of you on Sunday xx

 

[garnuft]

Grrr Margaret. So bloomin' unfair, if you say your piece to them you'll be the one that's causing trouble.
I would not even bother thinking of an excuse, I would bog off out and let them try and work their brains around it.
It will probably just make them think you are as ignorant and awful as they think.
I don't know how you keep your mouth shut.

My pig of a brother is coming 27th, you may have read that I am baking pies for him.
Stupid thing is that with all that is going on in my life my thoughts, as I've been scrubbing the oven shelves, ironing...
all go back to him.
The anger I feel makes my teeth clench. They are clenched now.
I HATE that he makes me feel this way.
I am obsessed with his visit, above Peter's impending op, Mam's UTI unabated confusion, Christmas....
what am I wasting my time chewing about?
My a*sehole of a brother and how I want to bash his head in with a brick.

Go out and let your other half think of a lie, don't give him the grace of a rehearsed lie.
And let them hing as they grow, as we say up here in Durham.

Helen....they do not deserve to share any bit of your life let alone spoil Christmas.

Joy in abundance at this 'happy' time of year.

I hope you both make it through unscathed with dignity intact
and I am not going to do any last minute shopping that would take the paint off darling brothers Audi.
New Year in Jail would be a way for me to stop smoking like
but introduce me to Heroin....
and Peter can't pull his pants up without me, so I'll be good.

They are not worth the grief.

Gwen XXX

 

[minniemouse01]

Margaret, your post rings so many bells for me ! We have had years and years of once or twice yearly visits, maximum 2 days notice (fri for sunday) throwing my mum and myself into a complete tizz. My SIL was nicknamed the Queen of Clean, and I made myself ill cleaning my already clean house to what I thought was her standard ! mad. My brother would sit and regale us with tales of their wonderful life and holidays - and what made me seethe was that poor mum and dad put on a cheery face ! They would be exhausted for days afterwords too.

I kept quiet for so long to keep the peace. You have to think of yourself this time ! Sunday before christmas - ofcourse you will have to be at the shops ! Why put yourself through it ? If your OH isn't happy too bad, it's his relatives !

Thinking of you ! x

 

[Margaret79]

Thanks Gwen and Minniemouse01.

Can't believe husband texted back last night and said yes, let me know your eta. I would have called the shots and told him what time to come, seems that he walks all over Dave and does whatever suits him.

We were going to take MIL to carol service at village church Sunday afternoon, guess that'll be out the window now. Can't imagine us all going together as a happy family . Not really the place to have a punch up

It's a pain that the shops shut early on Sundays as I've a feeling they won't arrive til after lunch so maybe I'll have to watch a dvd upstairs.

Maybe they'll get a puncture or break down and not arrive. Hope so