Introuction

[Dianne]

Hi

Just thought i would introduce myself. My name is Dianne and my Dad passed away last October after suffering with vascular dementia/AD for a number of years. He was a very clever man and was a county councillor for many years and then we noticed slowly but surely that he couldn't seem to find the right word to say. The decline was very slow at first and the dementia was only diagnosed about 5 years before he died (although knowing what I know now the signs were there for many years).

One of the worst days of my life was taking my Dad to the care home and leaving him there (it still makes me cry), I felt like I'd let him down. I would like to help people in the same situation that I found myself in, i didn't know about the Alzheimers Society at the time and all as my dad's social worker said was 'you wouldn't beleive how many people i take to homes'.

Reading this forum is very helpful even it's just to know that people are going through or have been through the same thing, I wish I'd known while Dad was still alive. I'm sorry for going on but this is the first time I've felt able to speak about it and i'm so glad there are people out there willing to listen.

Dianne
x

 

[noodle31]

Hi Dianne

thank you for your reply to my message.

I am so sorry to hear of your dads passing.

It is a very cruel illness. My dad was only diagnosed this yr in july, but the decline already has been very very rapid

Sometimes i think him passing will be much kinder to him, altho awful for us.....in many respects he has gone already, and i miss him so much

I am so pleased i found this site, it helps so that i not consistently boring my friends with my gripes and groans......

It is also good to share the few up days with others who understand how important a smile and a remembering of my name is now.

your experiences will be very useful if you dont mind sharing them

love Jane x

 

[Norman]

Hello Dianne,
sorry to hear about your Dad and I am sure many on this forum can relate with your feelings.
You are welcome to post anytime and share thoughts with us.
You may also be able to help someone who has a need to talk about the loss of a dear one.
Norman

 

[blue sea]

Guilt, guilt, guilt

Thanks for joining the site, Dianne, your comments are really helpful to those of us still in the situation you went through.
The guilt of putting a parent in a home is truly dreadful, but then coping with looking after someone with advanced dementia at home is dreadful too. Like you ,I wish I had know of this site earlier - perhaps a leaflet could be given out by the society for doctors to hand out when they diagnose the illness? The doctors might find it helpful to be able to suggest some support, ours was almost crying himself when he broke it to me. So sorry your dad has died - however much I know in the end it woud end his suffering, I still feel I can't bear the thought of losing my dad altogether. My mum died 2 years ago (not from dementia) and I still think of her every day - it doesn't take much for me to still cry for her loss. (in fact writing this has started me off!)
Take care
Blue sea

 

[purchase]

Guilty feelings

Sorry to hear about your dad. I am particularly sad today as it is one year exactly since my dad was cremated. It is mom who has Alzheimers and after a year of trying we have had to put her in residential care. Unfortunately she is not settling and every visit we make just consists of her crying and wanting to come home. We haven't told her that she is there permanaltly. Don't think she could take it. We are closing up her house at the moment and this seems so wrong. How do you get over the terrible guilt.

Jacky Purchase :

 

[Dianne]

Thankyou

Thank you all for your replies. You're right it is good to speak to someone in the same situation and I'm sure you all know how nice it is to receive replies. I feel like I've been to therapy just visiting this forum and hope we can all learn something from each others experiences.

Thanks again
Dianne
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