Introduction

[banger696]

We had the SS assessment today and the social worker said she was border line capacity, mum didn't want carers in.

She is to have another assessment tomorrow without me to see if she remembers what happened today. I have asked for help with her and they are considering two times a day lunchtime and bedtime. But it all depends on mum.

Tonite she was quite lucid and calm and was having a good conversation with my cousin from Birmingham who has come to help

 

[canary]

I used to put a chair against the door for that prospect, I will see if SS will organise the re-ablement package and insist she doesnt come home unless that is in place.

Thats dreadful that you got to that stage
Make sure you have a phone in your room and never worry about phoning the Police if there is aggression. They wont haul her off, but they will report it to SS so that you will be on their radar. Tell them about this at your meeting.

 

[banger696]

Mums home. First argument why did you put me in there. Second argument with my cousin who mum thought had been living here for weeks and was being pushed out of her own house, cousin only came yesterday. Rest of the night was not bad with lots of family reminiscing and conversation. Mum came home in ambulance and her care package starts Monday with 2 visits a day then review. Mum also had another CT scan today to help with diagnosis, dementia still not confirmed.

 

[canary]

So youve been left high and dry for several days before the care package comes into force
I despair of SS

ANY problems and you contact CMH/doctors/police.......... please.

 

[Shedrech]

Morning banger696 I hope your night passed peacefully.
So what I feared has happened - home - no help.
Maybe the care visits will be the way for you to access more support - my dad came out of hospital pre dementia diagnosis and the carers realised that something was not right with him and so began his 'journey' and support.

BUT I echo what canary says
IMMEDIATELY call for help - SS need to see that on your own you would not be able to deal with whatever ....

any sign that an argument is brewing, don't engage (and that is hard NOT to do, I know) just walk away and leave her (safely) for 10 minutes - if your mum is like my dad she will feed off responses and escalate [she may be nothing like that, of course]
Especially at night - either back off or if she is in a situation where you MUST help do it silently or with as few very neutral, calm, quiet words as possible

And with the 2 of you there, note down every even slightly out of the ordinary behaviour and every situation you have to support so that you have evidence for the review

Have a good weekend

 

[banger696]

I thought she was going to go off tonite later when she said to me whos that woman who knows all about me but I managed to get her upstairs to bed and get her tablets into her.

 

[Shedrech]

Well done - hope you all have a quiet night.

 

[banger696]

Well that was unexpected, cousin has gone home, too upset by mums outbursts and yet she looked after mums sisters who had similar problems.

Fortunately we have had a reasonably calm day after dropping cousin off at station.

 

[canary]

Oh great, so your cousin who was supposed to be helping you until you got the carers coming in has disappeared too

I am speechless, I dont know what to suggest. I do hope you are OK and I can only reiterate that any problems - get on to someone.

 

[banger696]

Quiet day had mum peeling potatoes and watching re-runs of millionaire.

 

[Tin]

Keep those reruns going, they may help to keep her calm.

 

[banger696]

There was a nervous half hour this evening when she asking where Tim (me) was and I was there but fortunately tiredness overtook this thought and she has gone to bed.

The carer turned up tonight had a 5 minute chat and asked for a signature and was off, she was supposed to be here an hour.

Another assessment tomorrow by the care agency.

 

[curtainsgalore]

Just to say I paid my Mums care agency privately as the LA rate was 50p per hour more, a lot of money when mum was having 60 hours a month.

 

[banger696]

Mum cancelled tonites carers visit as they arent really doing anything just a 5 minute chat and a signature and they are gone.

We had a bit of a wobble tonite where mum was very confused about where she was and felt lost. She was very worried about her situation and was refusing to go to bed because she thought she was in a house she hadnt visited for years and she was waiting for close family to pick her up.

I had to explain to her I was the only close family left but a quick call from the crisis team nurse gave me some ideas on how to handle the situation and they had a word with mum on the phone and that seemed to settle her down.

Half an hour later she said I better go to bed and I am now waiting for her to finish in that bathroom.

I am in two minds to cancel the carer agency as they do nothing but having said that this is the first night she has thrown a wobbler and they havent visited.

Social services from the hospital called today asking about the care package and how things were. She is due to call back tomorrow and I dont know if I should cancel the care package and just try to get some domiciliary care.

Awww mum is in bed now and said what a nuisance I am

 

[Shedrech]

Banger, why didn't the carer do anything? Was the visit too early, had you already done whatever? What care exactly is that visit intended to give?
You need to keep the carers in place for YOU as much as your mum - she needs to become used to you having support to look after her or you will burn yourself out. It's too soon to say that 'they aren't doing anything' - 1 visit!?
And if you are not happy with what the carer does/doesn't do, don't sign or put a comment about your concern and speak to the supervisor next day or call them there and then.
I know it's easy for me to type but you need to step back and let the carers do whatever you have agreed - I watched my dad nearly buckle under through caring for my mum because he wouldn't step back.
If that care visit isn't the most useful get back to them and re-organise - don't just cancel. Remember why you needed a care package in the first place. And that your cousin left because she thought your mum was so difficult to care for.

 

[Tin]

What does the care package say they are supposed to do? if they are booked for a certain amount of time, then keep them with you for that time. I am sure at the very least they could sit and talk to your mum, even make her a cup of tea. if there is nothing they can do physically for your mother, then check if they are responsible for anything else and get them to do it, or just talk to them yourself, get some tips. I know that time is a big issue for some carers in that they are never given enough of it, but there are some that will take advantage and leaving you early only means that they will go to next client too early.

 

[banger696]

Calm day with lots of re-runs of millionaire and a new carer came who stayed and chatted for half an hour, will review in a few weeks, didnt cancel.

Mum has improved over the last few days maybe the medication is kicking in but one carer asks mum for a signature and the other who came today didnt ask at all.

 

[banger696]

Another calm day, these tablets really have lifted her mood. She couldnt remember this afternoons carers visit and thought someone was coming around tea time which made her a bit tense but carer turned up at 8pm and was chatting mostly to me about dogs and mum was watching millionaire re-runs. When she left mum said was that a relative but accepted the answer it was a carer, before that would have turned into an argument and mum seems to be sleeping better. Still no diagnosis but I was able to have my medication review over the phone with GP instead of leaving mum to get up to tricks.

 

[canary]

Its good to hear that she is calming down. It must make life a bit easier for you.
Long may it continue.

 

[banger696]

Stress levels are at a manageable level.