1. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Hi my name is Tim and I care for my elderly mother of 87. I found out she had Alzheimers from an ambulance man who had been talking to the mental health crisis team.

    My mum has had a gradually progressing poor memory for a couple of years now but no behaviour problems until 3 weeks ago when she suddenly multiplied our one dog into two or three then decided their sudden absence from the house was because I had sold them off (all in her head) and I got a lot of abuse. This came on pretty suddenly and I coped for a week on my own.

    Over the last few weeks things have been getting worse at one stage she didnt recognise me and thought I had kidnapped her telling neighbours to call the police and wandering round the garden with a big stick.

    Things came to head Monday when it took the mental health crisis nurses from midnight to 4am to settle her down (she didnt recognise me) despite a double dose of Lorazepan. She has had a Psychiatrist, her GP and 2 social workers give her a mental health assessment last week when she was prescribed Donezepril.

    I have had a lot of help from the crisis team and numerous visits where they have talked her round but Monday was different so she has been sent to General Hospital for physical tests.

    She has been in hospital about 4 days now and had a couple of episodes for instance I got a call from the ward nurse asking me to go down as mum was in a terrible state and it was thought a familiar face would settle her. As it happens she had already calmed down before I got there but she had been going since 2pm. She was agitated and wouldnt take her medication and luckily she took it before I got there.

    The mental health team in the hospital is due to see her very soon for a review but she can be very difficult to handle at home when she doesnt recognise me and thinks I have kidnapped her.

    So I am looking for support and suggestions as to what help I can get from Social Services who have assessed her also and advised me to let the nurse know I have difficulty coping at night when she seems to not recognise me, usually around bedtime or 10pm.

    Any suggestions welcome!
     
  2. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    just spoke to staff nurse from last night apparently she kicked off in early hours and they had to get security. Im wondering how I will cope if this happens at home.
     
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,780
    Salford
    Hi Banger, welcome to TP
    I managed to follow the complicated way you posted the thread, don't worry the mods will see it and sort out the right place for it to be so we all see it.
    Sorry to hear about your mum and it's all a bit complicated. From what you've said it sounds like she's past the point of going back to living alone, so what are the options?
    If you or another family member can't take responsibility for her you might have to go down the care home route, if she has over about £24k she'll have to pay the costs, £14k to £24k she'll have to pay some of the cost, under £14k the council picks up the bill. There are way too many options to cover everything like does she own a house or a tenancy, has she any savings lots of variables. Only say what you want but I'm guessing you live with your mum, just the 2 of you?
    As the crisis team is already on the case then you'll get the best advice from them but come back and tell us anything you're not sure about and we'll all give you whatever advice we can. We're all here to help you Tim.
    K
     
  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Your thread found the right place. It may be best to wait and see how the hospital sort out her medication and maybe they are looking at the possibility of an infection, which can sometimes be the cause of such dramatic change in behaviour. Are you your mum's sole carer?
     
  5. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    620
    Scotland
    Hello Tim. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Looking at other posts , there are a lot of people who can relate to you . Hopefully while your mum is in hospital they will carry out various tests , some if which may be to see if she has an infection . Urinary tract infections and chest infections can cause havoc with elderly people and in particular people with dementia, who don't understand whats happening to them and lash out . Unfortunately I see it many times in my job . I can understand your worries about how you will manage at home . Do you have other family that can help ? It is important that you speak to the medical and nursing staff about your worries and they should do their best to support you . She should be fully assessed before being discharged home and only when she can be safely managed . The other people to get involved should be the hospital social work department who should ensure that you get full support for both you and your mum . Ask for a carers assessment too . Keep posting to let other people give you advice . This is an excellent forum with many people who will give you good advice . Best wishes . Lou .
     
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Security, wow that sounds a bit drastic. Hopefully they will not let your mother go home until this is sorted. Even so, can tell you are worried. Try not to think too far ahead, easier said than done I know, but try.
     
  7. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Thanks for all the replies everyone. Yes I live with mum and up til now I was her carer, we have a social worker who is arranging Attendance Allowance and I myself am on ESA and DLA. We each own half of the house after my dad passed away 2 years ago and mum has savings over 24k which dad passed to her.

    She has had a CT scan and the hospital CPN said there are some signs of dementia there but its not conclusive. The hospital has applied for right to detain as she is at risk when she is having an episode of wandering off so they can legally stop her.

    Her memory seemed to be working tonight as I was getting it in the neck about putting her in there and she will be seen by an independent psychiatrist hopefully tomorrow to confirm or deny the right to detain.

    She was adamant she was coming home with me so they got a nurse to sit with her with the agitation coming on and she will see a consultant Monday so I will find out more either tomorrow or Monday.

    The main problem I have at home is her not recognising me when she is having an episode and she thinks she has been kidnapped. The crisis team said lock all the doors and let her wander and disappear for 30 mins. but she tends to knock on all the doors and windows shouting call the police, god knows what the neighbours thinks. Can anyone think of a more effective way to handle this?

    I have loads of questions but better not overload the board at first!
     
  8. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    I've no advice banger but welcome to TP, don't be worried about asking your questions , ask away.
     
  9. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Ok then here goes.

    What happens if she is diagnose as lacking mental capacity as I think they are looking at that, am I too late for LPA.

    My cousin is coming up next week for a week bringing photos of old times and for moral support which I need at the moment.
     
  10. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,802
    Female
    Essex
    If she is assessed as lacking capacity to make financial decisions, you can apply to be her Deputy under the Court of Protection. There are forms to fill in and I did it myself with the help of people on TP. You can also phone the CoP to ask for advice. If you or your mother is on a low income I believe you can receive exemption from the fee, but the rules have become stricter recently so you will need to check this.

    It does help to have deputyship as you can then use her account to buy her things she needs. You have to be careful to do everything in her best interests as you can be called upon to give an annual account of expenditure.

    It also means you can then speak to organisations, like banks and the DWP, on her behalf. If you don't want to go down this route and just need to see to her Pension and state benefits you can apply to become an Appointee. This is a simple procedure. The DWP will need evidence of her lack of capacity (in my case they referred to the manager of the care home where she was in respite) and they will visit you to arrange it. It all happened quite quickly in my case. I did this first and then decided I needed to go further so I applied to become a deputy which enables you to deal with banks, utilities, etc. You provide them with a copy of the Court Order.

    https://www.gov.uk/courts-tribunals/court-of-protection

    https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/deputy-fees-remission-or-exemption
     
  11. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    My dad gave me access to their joint account before he died and everything is automatic for paying bills and recently I had to deal with her bank they did ask for LPA but then said as long as she repeats the memorable letters on the phone to us we can deal with you. She has two pensions coming in, state and my dads widows allowance.

    What is the difference between an Appointee and Deputy?
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,526
    Female
    South coast
    An appointee is done with DWP and can only be used for dealing with DWP - her state pension and any benefits.
    A CoP deputyship is done legally through the courts, but gives very similar powers as PoA and means that you can sort out things like banks and paying bills.
    Do bear in mind that your mum will eventually not remember the memorable letters to be able to deal with the bank.
     
  13. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    I just called her ward and she is apparently sitting at the ward door upset because she has left her child in the car. I chose not to speak to her as earlier visiting seemed to make her more agitated and lucky the bay she is in is next to the nurses station so they can keep an eye on her.
     
  14. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,780
    Salford
    Sorry to hear that banger, keep us up to date, we're all in here batting for you.
    K
     
  15. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Just had the hospital CPN on the phone and they are to review mum with the on call mental health doctor and social workers with a view to putting mum in a psychiatric ward as she is currently on a coronary ward and they arent really equipped to deal with mum as she is a little disruptive (the little rebel) currently looking out the window for my dads car. Hopefully this will only be for a couple of weeks while they tweak her medication.
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,526
    Female
    South coast
    What a worry for you Tim
    I hope she gets on better on the new ward. Hospitals dont seem to be very good at dealing with dementia, Im afraid.
    Mum reached crisis point when she had a TIA, went into hospital, was found to have lost capacity and went from hospital into a care home. It sounds like your mum has reached a crisis point too. It wouldnt surprise me if its recommended that your mum goes into a care home too.
    The delusions sound very familiar - mum tells me that her son (my brother) comes to visit her riding on a horse. Mind you, he lives the other side of the country and has never learned to ride!!
     
  17. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    The review will take place tomorrow. Just got back from hospital and mum still had some skewed thinking and was remembering 50% of things correctly and I saw a bit of the old mum there, although she did think she had been abducted last night and left in the street. The nurses have plated her hair which she is very proud of and she seemed quite settled so hopefully she has a good night and see what happens tomorrow.
     
  18. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Mum had a better day today according to the nurses, although she was worried who was going to wash the hospital bed sheets when I visited.

    The mental health review hasnt taken place and there are no beds according to staff at the moment, but she seems much more settled in herself and this is the second day running since they took her off memory tablets.

    Its a relief to see mum happier and see what tomorrow brings.
     
  19. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,526
    Female
    South coast
    Im so glad your mum is more settled - it must be a relief to you.
    Definitely in Mother Mode - worrying about the sheets, bless her.
    :)
     
  20. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Can you tell me what a TIA is?
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.