Hi Everyone, I am carer to my Mum who is 91 with mixed dementia - Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia. I have just retired from a stressful job and caring for Mum is increasingly difficult. She lives on her own in a big house, with big garden and I usually see her 3/4 times a week. I attend to everything from personal care to coping with housework, gardening - literally everything. I have an EPA for financial matters only. The vascular dementia is, according to the psychiatrist, attributable to being an alcoholic. We have enforced teetotalism by not taking her to the shops for 3 weeks, as before she was forever falling over and several trips to A&E. She has not had a bath for 2 years, despite having a walk-in bath fitted and she's starting to smell.
My husband and I have now booked a holiday and we are arranging for a carer to visit her every day, just to check she is OK. Our family is covering the weekends only, as they are busy looking after our little grandchildren.
I went into meltdown a couple of days ago and shouted at Mum because she is refusing any other help, apart from family. She says she doesn't care about the squalor or if the garden becomes a jungle and that she can look after herself without strangers in the house.
I am completely exhausted and crying all the time; not sleeping. Time to look after myself and perhaps get some counselling, through GP. I fear we are heading for a crisis with Mum and feel so guilty at having a holiday on these terms. There is in-fighting in the family over what I should be doing/not doing. I feel like running away or jumping off a cliff at times. I belong to a carers' support group, read all the dementia books, am a Dementia Friends Champion, but I'm not coping at all well.
Would love to hear from anyone who has successfully persuaded a loved one to accept a carer.
Sorry this is such a long introduction. I would also like to give something back to this forum as I learn from this journey.
With Love
My husband and I have now booked a holiday and we are arranging for a carer to visit her every day, just to check she is OK. Our family is covering the weekends only, as they are busy looking after our little grandchildren.
I went into meltdown a couple of days ago and shouted at Mum because she is refusing any other help, apart from family. She says she doesn't care about the squalor or if the garden becomes a jungle and that she can look after herself without strangers in the house.
I am completely exhausted and crying all the time; not sleeping. Time to look after myself and perhaps get some counselling, through GP. I fear we are heading for a crisis with Mum and feel so guilty at having a holiday on these terms. There is in-fighting in the family over what I should be doing/not doing. I feel like running away or jumping off a cliff at times. I belong to a carers' support group, read all the dementia books, am a Dementia Friends Champion, but I'm not coping at all well.
Would love to hear from anyone who has successfully persuaded a loved one to accept a carer.
Sorry this is such a long introduction. I would also like to give something back to this forum as I learn from this journey.
With Love