intro and ? should pops go into day care to give mum a break

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by soulsmilin, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. soulsmilin

    soulsmilin Registered User

    Feb 13, 2007
    43
    Tyne and wear
    hi, have posted on here but not really introduced myself,

    At the moment pops is undergoing testing and lives at home with mom and sis is also there helping out, I live around 160 miles away and have been trying to get home as much as poss at the moment, to take pops out, we have had some great days out and I have got to know a different side to the man I know, which is lovely, also making things and doing art, games, puzzles. this also to give mum a break as she is the one that is their 24/7 and maybe get her to go to the pub with sis.

    Pops started doing odd things about two years ago, gradually progressing, last september, we all was on holiday and was not to bad apart from making sure we didn't lose him because he would not of made it back to the room, now asks me who I am, is confused about being in 'someone elses home', and fading too fast from the bright spark he used to be.

    Now my question is, have told mum that she needs to take some time to herself and pops has been offered two days a week at a local center, he went and thought it was great, lots of gardening and projects etc, mum tends to think is a geriatric bunch that sit around alot, know this is because she doesn't like the thought of him going, dont know weather this is because she feels responsable to keep him active, or maybe would feel she was abondoning him, know that if pops was 'in his right mind' would be the last place he would be, but think would be good to have additional stimulation and input and mum, desperatley needs some time to self.

    have asked mum just maybe start with 1/2 day a week and see how goes, was also thinking of may be taking pops there myself as off for a couple of weeks, and seeing how he goes, looking at the long term can see mum getting burnt out and that she needs a bit of time to herself, and am I wrong to try and force my hand just because I think I'm trying to do the right thing?

    any advice welcome,
     
  2. soulsmilin

    soulsmilin Registered User

    Feb 13, 2007
    43
    Tyne and wear
    brucie, thanks just found your posts on day care and the poll, am going to print out and maybe go through with mom, see if it helps open up conversation bit more
     
  3. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
     
  4. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Hope you can persuade your mother to let him go for a few hours a week, if he's willing
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,544
    Kent
    Hi soulsmilin,

    How I envy the fact your father thought the day care was great. That`s wonderful.

    If my husband showed the slightest willingness to go to day care he`d go with my blessing and gratitude.

    If he went to day care, I`d have a break a couple of times each week, to re-charge my batteries and, and this is much more important, my husband would have a change of scenery, a different environment, some stimulation and some interaction with new people.

    What a boost for both of us.

    I do hope your mother changes her mind and sees it as a benefit, rather than a deficit on her part.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi soulsmilin

    Why don't you and your mum both call in to the day centre, either mid-morning or after lunch? They're always happy to see family, and if your mum sees your dad happily occupied, she might accept it more.

    If you took your mum out for lunch in between, she'd see the benefits for herself too.

    Day care does John so much good, and if your dad is enjoying it, it's obviously right for him.

    Love,
     
  7. RussellC

    RussellC Registered User

    Jul 6, 2006
    47
    Day care is a great idea, particularly as your Dad has tried it and likes it.

    My Dad went to the Day Centre for two years and he thoroughly enjoyed it! He benefited from being with other people, he improved through social contact, and my Mum got a break.

    In fact I always thought it gave him a better social life than mine!! They did a range of activities and even went out to a Garden Centre and for occasional lunches.

    All the best

    Russell
     
  8. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    I would say, if Pops actually likes the Day Centre, then grab the opportunity with both hands!

    In many situations the reverse is true, carers are in desperate need of some respite and their loved ones flatly refuse to go!

    If your Pops enjoys the day out, then he will be getting the enjoyment plus the mental stimulation of different activities and meeting new people in a safe environment.

    It will also give mum a vital break to recharge her batteries and to do things she enjoys or needs to do, again assured that Pops is being looked after.
     
  9. dolly gee

    dolly gee Registered User

    Mar 9, 2007
    47
    merseyside
    soulsmilin It is good your pops has a good and careing family we sought help from day care cntras one day a week for my sister and there is always respite care as well ,it is never easy but i wish you well dolly gee
     
  10. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    #10 alfjess, Apr 10, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2007
    Hi

    As Dolly gee said daycare provides much needed respite care, for carers and gives sufferers stimulation and company.

    Daycare can be provided at a day hospital, if there is one in your area.

    Mum loved to go to the "club" Dad didn't mind it either. It was a day hospital and I think all the staff were CPN's, but it was only for assessment. After that they had to attend a daycentre, staff there were carers and Mum and Dad were not soo keen to attend.

    Now, we have a terrible job persuading them to go to daycare "club" but if they don't go then I have an even worse time, keeping Mum occupied.

    Poor Dad just follows Mum and does what she tells him, if he can understand, because she doesn't make sense at all, he becomes totally confused. ie. more confused than normally, but still tries his best to please her and look after her. It is heartbreaking sometimes to see this.
    I love Dad, he always has been a genuine, helpful, patient, person.

    Sad to say it is harder to love Mum, as she is a much more self centred and domineering person, needs constantly to be the centre of attraction (always has been) but they are both victims of this horrible illness and they can't help it, so we as carers can only do the best we can, but I somestimes wonder if I am doing enough and the right thing for both of them?

    Alfjess
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi alfjess

    You are doing wonderfully well. Coping with one person with Alzheimer's is a struggle for most of us; you are coping with two, full time.

    I honestly don't know how you do it, and you deserve all the support and respite you can get.

    Respect!!!

    Love,
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,544
    Kent
    Dear Alfjess,

    I take my hat off to you. I really don`t know how you cope with two parents, both with differing needs, both caused by Alzheimers. For you, daycare must be a lifeline.

    Take care
     

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