Inspiration for others I hope

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by SueShell, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    I haven't posted for quite a while but I really couldn't imagine how my life has changed within the last year. I've gone from someone that was anxious,depressed, at the end of my tether and really didn't know what I was going to do next. Mum was always a very difficult person to get on with and having Alzheimers just exacerbated those issues even more. Feeling absolutely dreadful I had to battle with social services to try and get some respite for her and me, numerous falls caused many broken bones and stays in hospital for Mum and then I had to battle in the "best interests" meeting which really ended up as their best interests so they sent her home when they knew she was bedridden and very difficult and challenging to deal with. Eventually the social worker left and a new social worker replaced her and what a difference. Mum was in respite at a Nursing Home because four Care Homes has rejected her (that proved my theory straight away that she was worse than they would admit). The social worker visited her and told me she was far too bad to actually be allowed to come home again and that she was going to send Mum's case to the committee for consideration for permanent placement. Six weeks later Mum was placed permanently in the Nursing Home and I feel blessed that it's such a lovely nursing home I couldn't have wished for better for my mum. Mum celebrated her 90th birthday last week. The home made her a birthday cake with candles to blow out, and all the staff came in and sang Happy Birthday to her, and she got lots of kisses! She had lots of cards and presents from people at the nursing home with streamers over her bed and balloons. It was lovely, even though Mum forgot it was her birthday within 2 minutes of her blowing the candles out!

    I have now moved. I'm in a lovely sheltered property with lovely neighbours, a good social life and a lovely garden I can look after. I'm off my anti-depressants and I go and visit Mum at the nursing home every other day. I am now really content and mum is really happy in the nursing home. I'm only telling you all this because this time last year I felt so alone and unhappy as a lone carer and I would have been quite happy to have just disappeared off the face of the Earth. So this is just to tell you that things do and can improve. After caring for Mum for four years I can now have quality time with her, we even laugh together now. This is instead of me being burnt out, having food thrown at me, tantrums, hysterics and aggression from Mum. I thought I'd feel so guilty when I could no longer cope and she had to go into a Home, but I now realise its been the best thing for her and me. She's like a different person, so happy and she has company 24\7. I couldn't have wished for a nicer Nursing Home with really caring staff. So to all you lovely carers out there, there is light at the end of that long dark tunnel. The secret is when you've reached rock bottom you must deal with it and look after yourself and not feel guilty about the person your caring for going into a care home. Unfortunately I learnt all this the hard way. Hugs to all, Sue xx
     
  2. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,654
    Hampshire
    Sue, how lovely to read this. You had a dreadful time because of the poor /lack of support from "officialdom" which you should never have had to go through. I am so pleased things have improved so greatly for both of you. Take care and I wish you much pleasure and peace of mind in the years ahead xx
     
  3. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Hello Sue, im so pleased for you. You can now have a life of your own while still enjoying time with your mum. She needed more than one person could possibly give. You should look now and see how content she is. Long may it continue.
     
  4. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Thanks Celia, you take care too, Sue xx
     
  5. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Sue, thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful post. I am so glad to hear that both you and your mother are doing so well. It sounds like she is receiving good care and the staff are kind and caring.

    It's very helpful to hear that a care home can work out, so thank you for telling us!

    Wishing you and your mother all the best.
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Sue this is wonderful What a great change in your life but also in the life of your mum. She sounds really content with lots of company and her daughter visiting her - and your sheltered housing sounds great too. So pleased for you xxx
     
  7. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    You sound like - you are! - a new person. So happy to hear from you such a happy message!
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,746
    Female
    Scotland
    What a great post. When people are at the end of their tether they cannot imagine a blue sky ending. You have shown that this is possible. I would also like to congratulate the SW who knew her job and did it well. The other no doubt has moved on to cause more stress.

    Best wishes.
     
  9. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    #9 angecmc, Feb 4, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2016
    Wow, you really do sound do different, I remember the desperation in your old posts. So pleased for you that you had the strength and stood your ground with social services. It is lovely to hear how your life has now turned around, long may it continue, take care

    Ange
     
  10. scattysue

    scattysue Registered User

    Aug 20, 2015
    65
    What a lovely post, Sue. Its wonderful to hear how things have changed for both you and your mum - and encouraging too for those of us who may have to make the decision to move a loved one into a care home in the future.
    Look after yourself and enjoy your time with your mum xx
     
  11. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    It's good to read such a positive post. Really pleased that it's all worked out so well for both of you. :)
     
  12. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    806
    Enjoy your new life,you deserve it.
     
  13. jasmineflower

    jasmineflower Registered User

    Aug 27, 2012
    335
    Sueshell, you hadn't posted for so long and I often wondered how you were coping.

    I can't tell you how delighted I am to hear that your life has totally turned around and even your relationship with your mum has improved.

    Well done for coping and coming out the other side.

    May your happiness continue.
    J xx
     
  14. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Bless you, Sue! So glad things are good with you x
     
  15. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    1,566
    Female
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    How wonderful to hear :D :D: :D
     
  16. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    879
    Middle England
    Hello my lovely - my goodness you did have some very hard times with mum didn't you. I am so pleased that life is so much better for you now. I guess moving home away from the place you both lived has been such a big positive for you and your happy future.
    Enjoy - you deserve it my friend.
    xx
     
  17. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Hello Hair Twizzler. Do send me a PM cause I need to know how you are. Seen one of your posts and things don't sound good. Sue xx
     
  18. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Thanks Ange. Hope you are keeping well. Sue xx
     
  19. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Thank you so much Celia. People I know well say to me they can't believe how much has happened and how things have turned around in just a year. Sue xx
     
  20. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Thanks Jasmineflower xx
     

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