1. Mydarlingdaughter

    Mydarlingdaughter Registered User

    Oct 25, 2019
    56
    North East England UK
    My experience that the SW and OT will just say wait for a crisis. It is very hard to leave yp Mum as she is getting you on side with the neediness. My Mum was very controlling and could get aggressive.
    I used an advocate to to write to Mums GP explaining the situation. I visited Mum when I could but I always took someone with me to support me as I was very wary of the situation.
    Yes definitely they wont provide help for your Mum until you leave your Mum on her own. At some point you will reach your limit and wont be able to help Mum.
    Canary is spot on, My Mum could not cope even with carers coming in 4 times daily.
    You have a choice. Talk it over with the SW and see what they say. If they have discharged her, talk to your GP.
     
  2. Mydarlingdaughter

    Mydarlingdaughter Registered User

    Oct 25, 2019
    56
    North East England UK
    My Mum was also offered the care button and also refused it. Since the SW had arranged a 4 daily carer visit, they also wanted a key safe so they could get in, however Mum also refused that, but they put one on anyway.
    As I was not willing or able to provide the 24 hour care that Mum really needed, a crisis did occur, which is how she ended up in a care home.
    Since then she has improved physically, has put on weight, is in a clean and warm place, has stimulation and company, regularly eats and drinks, can have a bath for shower, in fact she is warm too, which is a new thing.
    The fact that the care team were the ones to call 999 and I refused to get involved, to the extent of when she was in hospital recently and the ward wanted my contact number I told them to contact the care home if Mum needed to be discharged. It might sound cruel but I knew that the alternative would be Mums well being being compromised again.
    The only way out, it seems is to get your PWD assessed by GP and social workers and disclaim any responsibility. You can also involve an advocate for yourself and direct all communications via your advocate. Social services will not intervene unless there is a crisis or the PWD is seen to be a risk to themselves or others.
     
  3. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    394
    Thanks @Mydarlingdaughter for your replies x
    Ot referred mum for call button which a man came out and fitted. Mum has wrist strap panic button and sensors on front and back doors that will contact them if opens door after certain time in night. They'll talk to mum first then contact me.
    Mum signed for it but also had quite a moan and got annoyed about it while man was here and afterwards. She got quite worked up about how did she use doors now as seemed to think it affected how she opened and locked it.
    She doesnt like the button wrist strap, says it itches and keeps playing with it and has got a couple of small bruises on her arm where she has bumped into door frames while wearing it which she says is buttons fault.
    She keeps asking when they're taking it back as she doesn't use it and doesn't even know wot to do with it.
    So far I've not left her alone and am still staying here so its not been any use yet and I'm not sure I will be able to or if needed it would know what to do so it may well go back eventually.
    I am hoping to arrange a regular visit from carer soon but thinking it will be after Christmas now as almost there already.
    Unfortunately cant afford to pay for much time with carer at £20 + an hour as mum is on pension credit and as yet hasn't got AA and doesn't have much money. SW didn't put any carer visits on care plan as mum refused them and I was here too so not needed. But they were only 3 visits at 1/2 a go anyway.
    It takes me an hour to get from mums to my house on buses so with an hour there and hour back thats two hours needed before I get to do anything so still won't get much time off.
    Sister is hopefully coming down tomorrow for couple of nights so I will be able to have couple of nights at home at least.
     
  4. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    390
    Male
    Hi @annielou, sounds like you are making progress which is great news, well done for sorting that I'm sure it wasn't easy at all. Your Mum shouldn't be paying for the carers if she doesn't have much savings, I think perhaps you should contact the SW and tell them of your intentions - it should certainly be included in the assessment of need (which it sounds as though it has) and that needs to be reflected in a revised care plan....situations change so they should not be set in stone, I think if you say you are stepping back they should put that in place. Hopefully the AA will be sorted soon, that didn't take too long when we applied a few years ago admittedly and things are more stretched now. You could use the AA to top up any care needs and provide for other things like gardening. cleaning. You have done a great job in supporting Mum, now it's time to get the infrastructure in place to help your Mum and ensure your wellbeing. All the best.
     
  5. Mydarlingdaughter

    Mydarlingdaughter Registered User

    Oct 25, 2019
    56
    North East England UK
    My Mum also refused the carers. She basically refused everything...except if I did it.
    As I couldn't get there in my own I was having to involve people I know here to take me there...
    I could see where it was heading, as her own Mum had her in the same position in the 1980s.
    I have health problems, its not an excuse but my own GP and OT told me to stay out of it. Fortunately I was able to get an advocate at a local charity I am involved in.
    MY GP advised me to start by writing a letter to Mum's GP. I did that, but then things didnt progress very far, Mum still in a very bad way, so my advocate wrote another letter to Mum's GP. It was only because the GP did a home visit that things started ti get moving. It is a very slow progress but the more people you can involve, the better.
     
  6. Starting on a journey

    Starting on a journey Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    65
    Mum's attendance allowance claim made in August took 11weeks, once that was done I claimed carers allowance, still waiting for a decision on that!!
    Once that's all through I will try for council tax exemption for mum and me as the carer.
    I shudder at the time it takes having spent 20 years in the DWP I realise that they don't have enough trained staff to make the decisions any quicker.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.