Information for my mum

[snowtree]

Dads dementia is slowly getting worse. His forgetfullness etc are a big problem and mum is definately struggling with him at home in terms of communicating. She has had 40 years with a very intelligent man whom she could share many conversations with however now she doesnt have that communication and also struggles with how to deal with him now. For example this morning he complained his socks didnt fit any more so she said get another pair....which he did but put them on the kitchen table and forgot about them. Mum asked, when she saw the socks on the kitchen table, did he put those there for throwing out. He said i didnt put them there and she said yes you did so he got angry and shouted at her saying are you calling me a liar.... she is communicating with him as if he were still all there. Now my question is this...because mum comes from germany (ok it was over 40 years ago!) however she has made few friends here...my dad being her rock...and all her friends are in germany i feel she needs a local group where she can go and let of steam and learn new ways for dealing with him....are there such local groups and how do i find one in my area? Thankyou in advance

 

[Grannie G]

Hello snowtree

You can find out about local support groups through the Alzheimers Society, do a websearch for your area and you will find your nearest branch.

There are also local Carers Associations you can also find on the net.

I`m sure you`ll get other suggestions soon which may be more useful than mine.

By the way, if my husband gets something out and it`s obvious he has forgotten about it, I just put it away without telling him. By the time your mother asked him about the socks, he would have forgotten all about them.

My husband has stopped wearing socks now, as I know he has difficulty in putting them on. He is not yet ready to admit it, so he won`t let me put them on for him. Hopefully by the time Winter comes, he will let me help him.

Take care.

 

[Linda Mc]

There are certainly support groups I have more than one in my area, you don't say what area you are looking in.

Contact your local branch of the Alzheimer's society and they will help you. You can find an address on the home page.

The support group I attend has been a wonderful source of help and information as well as having interesting speakers each month. A place to let off steam and have fun too. I have made lots of new friends there and knowing they are all in similar situations makes it easier to talk to them.

I do hope you find a good group soon for your Mum. I know others here will help too so post often.

Take care.

Linda x

 

[Skye]

Hi snowtree, I can understand your mum's frustration, loss of communication is the major problem I have with my husband, and it leads to terrible loneliness, frustration and depression. I was at breaking point until I found help.

The first thing your mum needs to do is contact social services and demand a carer's assessment. This is her right as a carer, but SS do not volunteer that information. You have to stress that it is urgent.

When she has the assessment, she has to stress how serious the situation is, and that she is at breaking-point.

SS should offer someone to come in to look after your dad to let your mum get out for a while, and/or a day centre.

Once your mum has some time-out arranged, she needs to find company. The local branch of Alzheimer Society, and Princess Royal Trust will help here, they will be able to tell your mum what is available locally, and both arrange support groups for carers.

My lifeline is the University of the Third Age, U3A.

http://www.u3a-info.co.uk/

I arrange my carers so that I can go to group meetings, and it is great to be able to talk to people.

Thank you for asking that question, it's great that you are supporting your mum in this way.

 

[barraf]

Information for Mum

Yes Snowtree, as the other have said the Alzheimer's support groups are usually excellent places to gather information and meet other people in like circumstances.
I was pointed in that direction by the CPN when Margaret was first diagnosed, and was only going to go to one meeting just to show willing. However I was so impressed that I have been going now for over 7years and look forwards to each meeting.
Our local branch will provice transport to the meetings if needed, and will also pay for someone to sit in with the patient if required while you attend the meetings.
I would certainly make your local branch of the A/S your first port of call.

Cheers Frank

 

[Taffy]

Dear Snowtree,
I also feel that your mum would benefit greatly by attending a support group. When the dementia nurse had to come to the home on one occasion for mum she gave me all the information about the group I wasn't that fussed, but, felt obliged as she was so helpful to me at the time. I am so grateful that I went, the support is so welcoming along with information and hints from other carers as to the way they have handled situations. It's also nice to see that you care about your mum and her needs. Best Wishes. Taffy.