Increasing anger and violence - will he be kept in care?

[peachstone]

Haven't posted here for a while, but here goes.

FiL was diagnosed with AD a few years ago. Things haven't been good but his agitation and confusion has turned to aggression and violence. The one who has been caring for him, my MiL, has done all she can to be calm and reassuring, just as the guides tell you to do. 'Go into another room', they say, 'and come out again in a few minutes'.

This worked for a while but it's changed and his anger has become dangerous. Going into another room now, say the toilet, means he'll kick the door down. Gently disagreeing to take him to lunch out while he's in his pyjamas means he'll call her a ***** and threaten to kill her, before throwing her across the room. MiL is capable under many circumstances, but not against FiL. FiL is 6'1”, 18 stone and has had a life of physical work and, even at 78, he's built like a bull. MiL is 5'2”, tops, and she can't cope with his physical strength. No amount of calming talk and looking at the birds is going to keep her safe from his rages.

After realising she could no longer cope and that she is in the throes of a breakdown, FiL's family finally stepped in. They took turns to have him stay but they couldn't cope either. Yesterday FiL went into a care home where they're trying to work out his medication. He seemed okay when he was left, though confused. This morning, after one night, he's going crazy, smashing things and trying to break out and the care home can't cope. Social workers are trying to find somewhere else for him.

What might happen next? If they manage to sort out his medication so the violence subsides, will she have to have him back at home, or is it more likely that he'll go into permanent care? All we want is to know that FiL is getting the care he needs and that MiL is safe.

 

[jenniferpa]

I think it's highly unlikely that anyone would push for him to be returned home under the circumstances. In fact, your mil can refuse to have him home should anyone make such a stupid suggestion. The truth is, 1) it is very unlikely that medication will totally reverse this behaviour and 2) he is likely to be sectioned for his own and others safety. Number 2 is actually what you should hope for.

Sent from my XT1526 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[peachstone]

I think it's highly unlikely that anyone would push for him to be returned home under the circumstances. In fact, your mil can refuse to have him home should anyone make such a stupid suggestion. The truth is, 1) it is very unlikely that medication will totally reverse this behaviour and 2) he is likely to be sectioned for his own and others safety. Number 2 is actually what you should hope for.

Thank you, Jennifer, I do hope you're right! Yes, number 2 is what we're hoping for!

 

[Kevinl]

My wife was in an NHS secure assessment unit for 6 months and about a dozen people left in the time we were there, all but one woman went straight into care 3 of them to the same home as my wife as it specialises in with challenging but not violent behaviour. Staffing levels are high (just over 3 residents to one staff) and there's always a qualified SRN who's allowed to administer controlled medications when they are needed.
From what you say moving him back home could be a high risk strategy as if it does go wrong anything could happen.
I asked if I could try managing my wife at home to see if I could make it work and was told quite clearly that once out of the system the only way back in was from square one, i.e. take her to A&E and start the whole process over again.
A lot really depends on how your MiL feels, care was the last option I wanted but it is the best option for my wife and that's what matters the most.
K

 

[Amy in the US]

Peachstone, as I understand it, in the UK you do not have the burden of care, and your MIL can refuse to have him back home.

Given that her safety is at risk, I would venture the opinion (and please feel free to tell me where to get off as it's none of my business) that she should refuse to have him back home, on grounds of her personal safety.

I hope that getting his medication sorted will help, at least somewhat. I also agree that having him sectioned is likely what is needed in this situation, as it's the best way to deal with the meds (in a controlled environment with experienced professionals).

My mother underwent the US version of sectioning, and it was the best thing that could have happened to her, and a very positive experience overall.

(On a purely personal, emotional, and likely not helpful note, I'm the size of your MIL, and my husband is taller than your FIL. God forbid if he ever got dementia and turned violent, I would be absolutely terrified for myself.)

I hope you get some information soon, and please keep us updated if you wish and have the time and energy.

Very best wishes to you and your family.

 

[peachstone]

Thanks for the replies.

Things have improved slightly and FiL has calmed down a bit, though still getting rather agitated. MiL had been worried that she'd have to have him back if they got his medication sorted out, but I think we're beginning to understand that this isn't the case and that he really does need professional care.