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Incontinent aids dad tried everything at wits end advice please

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
Dads become increasingly incontinent since nov wetting himself i bought tena pads and tena mens pull up never used them till this week as knew id have a royal battle on my hands and was dreading it he’s extremely private but so confused and true to form he wont barely wear them he very confused about dressing anyway so its all a nightmare takes a hour of shouting snatching clothes off me wearing 2 pairs of trousers getting stuff back to front etc etc till he finally dressed thats without trying to make him understand the way and reason why he needs pads .The pads aren’t staying in place in hes boxer shorts if I actually manage to stick them on n get them on then the pull ups he look at them and said everybody will be laughing at me I sympathise and get what hes saying not very glamorous n do look like a nappy it’s heartbreaking actually but what's the alternative im dreading the summer ive been on loads of websites buying pants with built in pads but had to send them back as pads loose or too big etc .the tena pads are loose too and im expecting them to fall out of the trousers 😩😩at some point on top of that now have to replace dads trousers as hes not able to do up trousers ie zips belt button and put on lockdown weight in addition to tucking all hes jumpers in to trousers adding to the bulk so replacing them will cost £100s its a complete nightmare .any advice on the incontinent issue
 

silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
285
0
Hi @deepetshopboy, my MIL wears continence pants. She would not wear the ones supplied by the local continence team but she found Tena Ladies slightly more acceptable so I buy them now. We could not get a complete assessment from the continence team as MIL did not believe she was incontinent and I could not tell them how often it happens. I would get in touch with your local District Nursing Service or Continence Team, they should assess your dad and offer advice and continence aids suited to your situation.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
i dont think boxer shorts are fitted enough for pads unless he wears the trunk ones which are tighter. could he wear pullups with boxers over the top so it looks like hes wearing boxers on the outside or is it the feel of them. could you talk to the incontinence nurse i think via GP and see if she has ideas or assess him for pads/ pull ups. they can supply them then. i was typing as silkiest replied so agree with her good advice
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
Hi @silkiest hes got the tena mens ones i tried getting a refurell from continence team but instead nurse rung asking what size pads he wears ! Saying why was she contacting me? i told her to forget it ☹️I just don't think he will wear them anyway
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
i dont think boxer shorts are fitted enough for pads unless he wears the trunk ones which are tighter. could he wear pullups with boxers over the top so it looks like hes wearing boxers on the outside or is it the feel of them. could you talk to the incontinence nurse i think via GP and see if she has ideas or assess him for pads/ pull ups. they can supply them then. i was typing as silkiest replied so agree with her good advice
Thanks ill try the boxer shorts over the pull ups if he wears them the ideal solution @jennifer1967 would be normal pants with built in pads washable ones just trying all different brands been on websites since last Friday ordering ones binned some which didnt fit sent loads back ☹️🙄arrg nightmare
 

silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
285
0
wow @deepetshopboy, how things change. I had to fill in a 3-4 page information sheet for the continence service and then the nurse spent an hour with MIL to talk to her, test her urine and physically examine her. She ruled out other causes for the incontinence before discussing aids. I wonder if this kind of service will ever return after Covid has been dealt with.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
wow @deepetshopboy, how things change. I had to fill in a 3-4 page information sheet for the continence service and then the nurse spent an hour with MIL to talk to her, test her urine and physically examine her. She ruled out other causes for the incontinence before discussing aids. I wonder if this kind of service will ever return after Covid has been dealt with.
@silkiest
Maybe its my area its a postcode lottery i never did get any help support of any services much im in inner London ive litreally had to beg for any help i try to reserch my own help and buy things as i need it as ive became deflated and defeated by it all all social services are useless age uk in my area too drs not great etc 🤦‍♀️
 

silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
285
0
@deepetshopboy Im so sorry you'r not getting the support you need. I fear a lot of services will be downgraded throughout the country long term. It makes me worry about my relatives and my own health for the future
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
This sounds utterly exhausting for all involved. I have no advice but I hope you get a break from this.
Thankfully he’s taking to now wearing pull ups after 2/3 weeks of battling he’s getting used to them still has a huff about it all and still is utterly appailed when he spots them
Incontience team utterly useless still haven’t sent the mesh pants n pads which will go in the bin as he will most definitely not wear them and apparently you have to be doubly incontieent 10 times a say to get pull ups now ive got to make sure ive got a ready supply of pull ups dads going through 4 a day at times
 

tsgc84

Registered User
Dec 24, 2020
19
0
36
Chichester
We get the ones that are basically underwear but for severe incontience. Unfortunately my dad goes through 10-12 a day and the ones provided by the NHS don’t stay in place and would leak out. Age UK do a site that’s where we get our pads from and you wouldn’t know he was wearing them over trousers. When we had the assessment for pads and incontience they just gave my dad pads which went into his underwear but never stayed in place and when we explained said that’s all we do. So now we buy them.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
We get the ones that are basically underwear but for severe incontience. Unfortunately my dad goes through 10-12 a day and the ones provided by the NHS don’t stay in place and would leak out. Age UK do a site that’s where we get our pads from and you wouldn’t know he was wearing them over trousers. When we had the assessment for pads and incontience they just gave my dad pads which went into his underwear but never stayed in place and when we explained said that’s all we do. So now we buy them.
@tsgc84
Would you have the link to them please or telk me the name and were you bought them if possible thank you
 

Pots and Pans

Registered User
Jan 13, 2020
54
0
I have found the protechdry boxers really good if incontinence not too bad IE: leaks rather than total lack of control. These keep wearer dry and OH will wear under jeans. Pricey ( so maybe use if going out only) but washable and pull on easier than others I have found though do have to pull down if using loo for a pee (can't stand). Look ok too - he sunbathes in garden in them! I get them on Amazon.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,532
0
West Hertfordshire
I used the Pull ups that The big High St chemist sell. Had to put Mums own pants over the top, No she didnt like them but we stuck with it. They were pretty good and not too expensive.

Tip- do but them big enough. We found buying a size up wias better than elastic being too tight, especially round the legs

I do think the availibility has got better for those that buy- even Tesco and Sainsburys do their own now, used to be Tenna or nothing
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
I have found the protechdry boxers really good if incontinence not too bad IE: leaks rather than total lack of control. These keep wearer dry and OH will wear under jeans. Pricey ( so maybe use if going out only) but washable and pull on easier than others I have found though do have to pull down if using loo for a pee (can't stand). Look ok too - he sunbathes in garden in them! I get them on Amazon.
Thanks but hes fully incontient the washable ones don't hack it tried desperately for them to work hes now on tena /boots own brand /nhs white nappy type which are white tenas and he hates the look of all of them he tries to go commando when im not looking we qre having stand offs shouting and swearing at me at the fury of me making him wear them
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,532
0
West Hertfordshire
Thanks but hes fully incontient the washable ones don't hack it tried desperately for them to work hes now on tena /boots own brand /nhs white nappy type which are white tenas and he hates the look of all of them he tries to go commando when im not looking we qre having stand offs shouting and swearing at me at the fury of me making him wear them
Put his boxers over them , more dignified
 

Pots and Pans

Registered User
Jan 13, 2020
54
0
Feel for you. It's such an emotive area... I can't get OH to wear any protection if just at home as he doesn't think he needs to. 2 changes of clothing and washing machine on again and he concedes (always a new problem he has to tell me about!) ... and then worries about overnight. Will wear something if we go out though, thank goodness, but it really is the biggest problem we have as it does lead to very bad temper. Can't imagine how difficult this must be with a dad. Would have been totally impossible with mine. Don't think I ever saw him naked, whereas OH is obviously familiar so probably easier.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,400
0
Nottinghamshire
I feel for you @deepetshopboy . I had the same problem with my dad although I didn’t shout at him (wouldn’t have got me anywhere) I frequently had to go into the kitchen for a silent scream! The washing machine never stopped and neither did my carpet washer..

I used to argue with dad for hours trying to get him to put his pull-ups on. I even threw all his normal underwear away, as suggested by people on here, so he had no alternative and he just went commando 😫. He’d only agree to wear the pull-ups after he’d wet himself 😡

If he was still alive now I’d try the pull-ups from Aldi as I’ve heard they’re good and cheaper than most. I used to order in bulk from Incontinence Choice. I had a quick look on their website but couldn’t find the ones I used for dad but they did have a good selection. He also got Tena pull-ups on prescription. He hated them all but once he had carers coming in 4 times a day he was more co-operative with them (mostly) and they usually got him to wear the pull-ups.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
443
0
Oh its a complete nightmare hes not docile he’s aggressive it takes a hour to jolly conjole him into dressing he still wetting himself through the pull ups right now hes just wet himself sat there ive tried to get clean trousers on him he's calling me names a tramp saying im smelly your flithy etc thats the abuse ive got to put up with as well as limited sleep only on 3 hours disturbed sleep .he did calm down with risperdrone but stated getting agaited again few wks back
Its a awful awful situation thats just the tip of the iceberg if i did a separate post saying whats going on im sure everyone would be shocked as my dad such such hard work
Im going start looking into care home options now even though i did /tried everything blood seat tears i said over my dead body he would never go into a home its so bad now its absolutely horrific
On top of that hes unwell and due to go to hospital as outpatient on 2 week appointment for possible cancer☹️
 

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