incontinence

[janemary]

My husband is in a dementia unit and now has to wear incontinence pads. When he is changed and cleaned he howls and screams and hits out like a wounded animal. He has always been a "private" person and this is an indignity he just can't take. Has anyone had a similar problem and found a way of making it easier for the patient? It is so distressing for him and me if I am there when he is changed - and I always seem to be - and also very difficult for the staff. Any advice would be welcome.
Janemary

 

[alix]

Janemary,
I really feel for you - its very upsetting to see someone you love in such distress. I'm not sure I'm really qualified to give you advice, but I know that when my grandfather gets very distressed, vocal and violent, we try to talk to him in a calming voice, explain what is happening to him and why it's necessary. Holding his hand and stroking his leg also seem to calm him down. Sometimes, asking him to relax works too, or asking him to take deep breaths - and if it doesn't work for him, it can sometimes work for you.

I hope you find a solution.
best,
alix

 

[janemary]

Thanks Alix. I don't think there is any solution really, but it just helps to voice my distress somewhere away from friends and family who have heard enough of my problems. Also I feel that with strangers - or other people with similar problems - I can admit that Phil is incontinent. Even now I try and protect his dignity when talking to old friends. jane