Incontinence

[JJLizzie]

Hello, this is my first time posting. My mum has Alzheimer's, and my dad looks after her really well. I have just started noticing that she is having accidents in bed, and when I go to their house to change the bed sheets, there are often wet stained knickers on the radiator. I've asked her if she is having any accidents and she says no, so I just change the sheets and take away the dirty knickers and buy her new ones. It's becoming more and more, and I don't know how to deal with it. If she doesn't think she has a problem, and because I don't live there I don't know what is going on. Any advice would be great, really struggling with how to deal with it, and don't want to upset my mum.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @JJLizzie.

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your mum just now. Sadly you will find that many members are coping with the same problem. Normally I would suggest that you see if you could get your mum’s GP to refer her to the continence service or continence nurse at the practice. I’m not sure how this would work during the pandemic though.

Would it be possible to get some of the continence pants which look like real knickers and see if she would be willing to wear these?

You’ll find some information about continence issues in this factsheet -

Toilet problems, continence and dementia

Read our guide to toilet problems and incontinence, including causes, solutions and how this might affect a person with dementia.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

I’m glad you’ve found the forum and know you will get lots of help and support here.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to DTP @JJLizzie

Has your mum seen the GP as she could have an infection causing the problem so it could clear up when treated. If this is the start of incontinence then your parents could buy some Kylie sheets to protect the bed - these are absorbent pads that fit over the normal sheets and catch any leeks so the whole bed doesn't need changing incase of an accident.

I see Izzy has given you some good advice and there are plenty of products out there to manage the situation if your mum will use them. Sadly my dad didn't think he had a problem so used to lead me a merry dance when it came to trying to keep him and his surroundings clean and dry but I found some sneaky ways to persuade him to co-operate. Keep posting ☺️

 

[JJLizzie]

Thank you Izzy and Bunpoots, I was thinking about taking her to the doctor, but it feels so hard telling them about it with her sitting there looking at me as if I'm making it all up. Also since I don't live with her, and I'm only visiting once or twice a week ( I work and have 3 kids), I can't answer many of the doctors questions, and my dad doesn't seem to know either. I don't know how to deal with Mum when she doesn't acknowledge that she has Alzheimer's, do they ever acknowledge it?

 

[jennifer1967]

could you send an email or a letter to the doctor so they know without you sitting there. i dont think they can discussed the matter due to confidentiality but at least they will be aware of the problem and ask more tactful questions.

 

[Bunpoots]

My dad had no idea he was wetting himself . I still have to laugh when I remember him telling the continence nurse than he might be a bit wet between the ears - but certainly not in the pants!

I agree it's a difficult thing to have to do but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The nurse spoke to my dad and then looked at me to confirm if he was telling the truth (I sat behind him so he couldn't see me and I could just nod or shake my head).

As @jennifer1967 suggests I phoned in advance and warned the nurse than dad had dementia and truly believed he didn't have a problem.

 

[JJLizzie]

Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Bunpoots, I think facing the issue is just as hard for me, I did as you suggested and have just emailed the doctors - at least I've started the ball rolling, thanks again. I'm finding this really hard, and feel like there is no-one I can talk to about this stuff, so finding this site feels a bit like a life line

 

[Izzy]

Well done @JJLizzie - that’s a good first step. I frequently handed in a letter or sent an email prior to medical appointments for my husband. It meant I could calmly note down what was concerning me or what I wanted the professional to know without being in the ‘heat’ of the appointment. It worked well for me.

Keep sharing your thoughts and concerns here - there will always be someone here to listen and support.

 

[jennifer1967]

Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Bunpoots, I think facing the issue is just as hard for me, I did as you suggested and have just emailed the doctors - at least I've started the ball rolling, thanks again. I'm finding this really hard, and feel like there is no-one I can talk to about this stuff, so finding this site feels a bit like a life line

its all part and parcel of the experience. theres always many members who have experienced most things between them. ive learnt loads and keep learning from this forum. i found the members are very friendly and care.