Oh Jamber this makes sense to me. My mother had an "accident" a few years ago when we were out. It was humiliating and difficult getting home. I never went out with her again unless she had already had a bowel movement. She is now, years later in a nursing home and relatively happy.
I am a new member. Have been reading posts for some time now thinking I had nothing different to contribute.
I do know how you feel and what it is like to carry spare clothes, more pads, wipes etc with you whenever you go out. Try not to isolate yourself by staying in. I try to make sure my husband has 'been' before we go out. Not always possible, but to know where we are going and where the loo's are. Have you an access key to disabled toilets if there are any? Floor wipes are handy for when you have a puddle to mop up. I always go in with him.
The most difficult are when we have to go into the gents. I think people are getting more understanding or I am just learning, after nearly 5 years, to have a thicker skin!