1. Blodski

    Blodski Registered User

    Sep 3, 2017
    42
    Conwy
    I visited my mum yesterday - she has Vascular Dementia and has been in a care home for a year. When I was catching up with the Deputy Manager, she mentioned that my mother is now incontinent at night - using her armchair as a loo. I don't know why, but I felt really shocked and upset about this and felt mortified on her behalf. I guess it's another indication that she is getting worse. Up until now she has been quite steady.

    Is nocturnal incontinence a deterioration in someone with Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's? I think I already know the answer, but would be interested to hear other people's experiences.

    Also, this may be an impossible question with a more impossible answer, but is there any research into average life expectancy once someone enters a nursing home? I don't know if there is correlation between shorter life expectancy for someone in a care home as opposed to being cared for in their own home.

    I guess I'm trying to look into the future and predict how long my mother will live. I read somewhere it was around 4.5 years post diagnosis.
     
  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,486
    Female
    England
    My husband lived for 11 years post diagnosis, others have relatives who have lived much longer after diagnosis. The simple answer is no one knows, each person travels the journey in a different way and time scale.
     
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,091
    Dad started with night time incontinence about a year after his diagnosis, it’s still hit & miss ( pardon the pun) but the CH encourage a toilet routine to assist Dads issue.
    Mum is at home with carers & has always suffered with cystitis on & off. She’s been urinary incontinent at night now for 8 months plus. Now after end of May it’s during the day as well.
    Getting the incontinent nurse out etc I’ve left to the district nurse as otherwise poor Mum has been expected to purchase her own supplies.
    Dementia is full of peaks & troughs & it’s an unknown quantity, no time scales.
     
  4. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,107
    Toronto, Canada
    My mother lived for over 15 1/2 years after diagnosis. But she was diagnosed at the age of 64, having just turned 64.

    I found the incontinence such a hard thing when it happened. Here was my mother, a very proud, reserved, very proper woman who was now oblivious to the fact that she was standing in a public area of the nursing home, with urine running down her legs.
     
  5. Jassac

    Jassac New member

    May 6, 2019
    9
    My mum is 87, she has been incontinent for a number of years, last October she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We've thrown loads of cushions out of her arm chair has they were soaked, tried washing them but they still smelt. Nighttime she wears disposable pants and pads but seems to take them off when she uses the toilet at the side of her bed but doesn't out replacements on hence the bed is wet. Last week there was only one night when the bed was dry, we have a waterproof mattress protector as well.Gone through loads of electric blankets as well.
     
  6. Blodski

    Blodski Registered User

    Sep 3, 2017
    42
    Conwy
    Wow - 15 1/2 years. My mother is only one year post diagnosis, and I'm already finding it so tough. How did you cope? I know EXACTLY what you mean about the incontinence - it's a shocker. My mother is also very proud and smart and if she knew what she was doing she would be completely mortified. Terribly sad. I miss her and I want her back.
     
  7. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,107
    Toronto, Canada
    @Blodski, I don't think I coped as much as I simply endured. One just keeps plodding along, doing whatever needs to be done.
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,091
    It’s degrading for the PWD, but family & PWD shouldn’t be asked to supply own pads etc by DN.
     
  9. myss

    myss Registered User

    Jan 14, 2018
    361
    I said a very similar thing to a sibling about my dad. My dad is doubly incontinent, he's been like that over a year now. He was a proud man too, breadwinner of the family and ex-army man, he would hate to see that he has more or less descended to the toiletry behaviour of a toddler and that his children has to be the one cleaning him as so. Poor thing..
     
  10. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,091
    My argument to GP etc was I had never seen my Dad naked when he was capable, it wasn’t that he’s a prude - I’m adopted & Dads ex forces so very proper about dress etc; so I knew he wouldn’t want me to see him in a state of undress now.
    Funnily enough that had more impact than anything else I said.

    Help was quickly forthcoming- unfortunately mother wouldn’t let them into the house- but that’s a whole another - mother’s dementia journey/ story!!!

    Hope that you get help soon, it might not be what your parent wants but they soon get into a routine. As mother can attest to!!

    Dad went into respite care & never came home, I knew he wouldn’t but Mother didn’t.

    Dad has never asked to come home, he likes to go out on short trips ,also the CH take him out on trips to which is lovely. My mum can’t believe that he’s settled so easily- but then again with her own dementia she couldn’t comprehend the issues Dad faced.

    If it hadn’t been for SS I dread to think of what the situation would be !
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,561
    Kent
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,091
  13. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    43
    Female
    East Mids
    My mother was as sharp as a tack until the day she died, but her physical challenges sometimes caused embarrassment to her. I couldn’t deal with them and left it to my sister and then the care home. I did the finance and keeping her company side of things.
    My OH ( been together 5 years) has vascular dementia and I have said to the family and SS I won’t cope with the ‘accidents’ that will be inevitable later on. We’ve had a one off that I did deal with due to being stuck in the car but nothing since. That was nearly two months ago. I’m not an ablutions person, what can we do?
     
  14. Jassac

    Jassac New member

    May 6, 2019
    9
    It's surprising what you can do, it really doesn't bother me with my mum, she often gets poo up her back, so I wash Her, she doesn't know she is weeibg at all now. I deal with all her pads and pants, even the soiled ones with poo. I gather them all up, some are in her bedroom, some in the bin and some on the bathroom floor. I then put them all in a dustbin bag and out them in the bin. There is only me to do this for her. It really doesn't bother me.
     
  15. Glokta

    Glokta Registered User

    Jul 22, 2019
    61
    Hi, my mum has just started to be incontinent regularly at night, currently she is refusing to wear pads, as she “no longer has periods, thankyou!” I have suggested them, and in fact bought them, I’m really worried that her increasingly wet night things will stop being taken by the laundry I use. Any advice? In a really lucid moment the other day she told me “ I know you’re only trying to help but I just don’t want to know”. The other thing she has started to do is cross the road to a little park maintained by volunteers, and dig up their plants to bring home. She looks at this handful of plant and says “ no one will mind, it’s only a cutting”. Sigh.
     
  16. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,850
    Female
    Scotland
    I don’t really see what else you can do but deal with it. If I wake John up and he’s soaking I have to strip him and shower and change him. I could leave him there for the carer but that would offend me and be horrible for him. If he pees during the day before he reaches the toilet I’m not going to ignore it. So we rise to the occasion whether we want to or not.
     
  17. Louise7

    Louise7 Registered User

    Mar 25, 2016
    1,222
    Maybe try pull up pants? Some don't look too unlike normal 'big knickers' and the pad part is built in so they aren't so obviously incontinence products, unlike a loose pad. Might be worth a try, and you can get some in black as well as flesh coloured.
     
  18. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    43
    Female
    East Mids
    Thank you all. I suppose I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. X
     
  19. janet m

    janet m Registered User

    Oct 2, 2017
    15
    my husband has just recently wetting himself -i have looked on the website for incontinence but there is so many to choose from - i have tried the Tenner shields but wasn't anygood. has anyone suggestions which are the best?
     
  20. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    437
     

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