1. janet m

    janet m Registered User

    Oct 2, 2017
    18
    I have now got my OH to wear incontinence pants but I have a real battle getting him to change them. He gets very annoyed if I keep on to him but the odour is not good He is on Donepezil tablets which make his wee very strong-I can smell it but he will insist he has just put clean pants on-he will not have a shower but does wash his 'bits' so thank goodness he is not a smelly person in that way.
    Washing his hair is a nono- & shaving well a beard is now growing - an electric razor is not being used now.
    he sleeps a lot but I do get him out to the shops every day as it then means he has a walk but it is not an enjoyable excursion as he gets very annoyed.
    every Tues & Fri I get him to a pub where they sing Karaoke in the evenings which is great & some evenings he sings all the words - great as the people there remember him when his voice was rich & strong.
    I worry as he drinks very little liquid but half a cup of hot chocolate seems to go down well & as for eating little portions of cassarole with all the veg & meat cut up small seem to work - even though it is not cold yet I have started to make liquidised soups & they go down well== the real trouble is with the incontinence pants & the odour. Perhaps I am going about it the wrong way -too confrontational perhaps, but just get so annoyed. That is the only thing I get really put out about perhaps someone has some ideas how i should go about it all.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,893
    Female
    Scotland
    If you are at all confrontational it won’t work as I know from experience. I too have a short fuse and with dementia it is entirely the wrong approach. On the other hand it is difficult to remain calm and reasonable when confronted by unreasonable behaviour. Underwear needs to be whisked away every night with outer clothes into a laundry bag and straight into the machine so it can’t be retrieved. Flattery and cajoling can work by telling him how smart he looks but wouldn’t a shave make him more handsome etc. Over seven years of caring I reckon I was patient 95% of the time but the rest I was a raving madwoman pulling my hair out with frustration. There is no single rule. It’s constant adaptation and adjustment to the latest issue. Best regards.
     
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,021
    Male
    Bristol
    Would your OH accept outside carers to help with personal care, janet? My OH does not really like the intrusion some days, but she will accept them just because she sees them helping her out and it takes the strain off me. It might work for you and your OH.
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,700
    I agree with @nae sporran . My Mum & Dad stank, the house smelled, I found the initial carer confrontation with Mum but she soon got into the routine. Ask social services to do an assessment & if you can have another persons input on this you have an it out of well it’s not me!

    I’m not proud that I took that route but it was in my Mum & Dads best interests - as personal hygiene is vitally important where incontinence is an issue.

    Good luck, I hope you get some help ; it means you can be his wife a little more & not the carer for a little bit with help.
    x
     
  5. janet m

    janet m Registered User

    Oct 2, 2017
    18
    thank you will try another tac to see if it worksx
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,700
    It’s not an easy situation but by getting others to sort out his personal hygiene is one less battle for you
    X
     
  7. Mojosho

    Mojosho Registered User

    Sep 13, 2019
    31
    I thought my OH would never, ever allow anyone to wash or shower him but we had 10 days of community nursing and they showered and dressed him every day. He didn't want me to do it! I think it was the uniforms! When they finished their allocated 10 days I found a personal assistant through social services and she continued without a gap and he happily accepted but we had some gaps and my daughter in law offered and he accepted! So 5 days a week he is well looked after. Weekends he has to put up with me but he does. I'm a bit doddery but I manage. I'm glad I started this routine as I never have to worry about his hygiene but he has had to go commando! It was taking too long to get his underpants down so now he just wears pyjamas as they are easy to pull down in a hurry also easy to wash so each morning he has a clean pair and the others go in the wash. I can cope with this!
     
  8. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    95
    I'm following this thread because my mum is at the same stage with my dad. It's an absolute battle to get his pull ups changed. He refuses to accept that he needs changing and gets quite aggressive.
     
  9. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    This might be a stupid question but I have no experience of incontinence pads but I am curious how long it would take for them to become soaked through? How often would they need changing and how absorbent are they? Is your husband soaked through? Or do they hold a significant amount of fluid before they start to leak? I guess what I’m asking is how long would someone have to be wearing them before an odour was recognisable? Would an increase in fluids help neutralise the tablets and lessen the smell?
     
  10. SoAlone

    SoAlone Registered User

    May 19, 2016
    137
    Female
    Devon
    MY OH was very anti my help with any personal care and like others I thought he would never allow anyone else to help. However he has been in a NH now for nearly 18 months and staff work on a watch for the right moment basis, unless he is not receptive for a long period, when they have to intervene for his health. I sometimes find now that if I am visiting he will be happy for me to undertake the care rather than staff, which I am happy to do. One tip I learned from staff at the home,is once you have the go ahead, rip the pants each side and slide out rather than take time removing the traditional way. Hope you get sorted .
     
  11. Mojosho

    Mojosho Registered User

    Sep 13, 2019
    31
    I'm pleased you mentioned the best way to exit these pants! I watched carers pulling them down my step dad s legs fully soiled and couldn't understand why. I have them ready for my OH with a pair is scissors handy for a quick exit! He isn't there yet but will be soon.
     
  12. janet m

    janet m Registered User

    Oct 2, 2017
    18
     
  13. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
  14. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    43
    Hi, You can buy pull-ups with various capacities depending whether the wearer has some control or is continually leaking. My OH changes 2 to 3 times in a 24 hour period as he is very unstable on his feet and that is all I can get him to do. His pull-ups leak over night depending on which way his bits" are pointing or if he has a lot of fluid during the day. I use a connie (blue felt type square) incontinence pad to protect the bed and cover this with a metre wide sheet (I bought some lawn a metre wide and hemmed the edges) so that I could tuck it in to make sure the pad stays put. I have to change the connie and sheet 5-6 mornings out of 7 but would rather do that than change the bed every day. He does smell by morning but during the day he can go to the toilet occasionally so he is OK. He has no bladder control at all.
     
  15. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    43
    I sympathise with you about the odor, especially in the mornings. My OH and I still share a bed and sometimes it is really disgusting waking up to the smell and a wet bed if his pull ups have leaked. My OH can barely walk so we don't get out a lot and I have to push him in a wheel chair and he too sleeps a lot. this morning he refused to get out of bed until 11am and wanted to go back to bed at 6pm after having had a 3 hour sleep in the afternoon. I just make sure that the house is as clean as possible and that his outer clothes and our bedding is washed regularly. I have tried everything for the smell and it is really rank (I could not keep his used pull ups in the bin in the garage as they smelt so bad so I put them out the back door in a plastic bag and put them in the bin on collection day. Sorry I could offer no suggestions to you. (Mine won't drink either and that concentrates the urine making it smell worse.)
     
  16. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    659
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi I’m not sure if you are aware but you can get yellow bags from the council for pads.They are free and will come and collect and then leave another bag for you.These all go to be incinerated as it is human waste.I do this for dad and put in it his gloves etc. But I cannot remember what section you have to ring at the council..But they would know..
     
  17. Louise7

    Louise7 Registered User

    Mar 25, 2016
    1,313
    I used to put Mum's used pull ups into tie-up baby nappy sacks and that stopped them smelling. You can buy these really cheaply in supermarkets, and also get fragranced ones.
     
  18. Avis

    Avis Registered User

    Nov 2, 2019
    43
    Thank you for that however I am not in the UK and our local council doesn't have this service. I wish it did.
     

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