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Incontinence or not?

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,411
From my experience as a carer of people in the community and my Mum who has vascular dementia Julie’s both material and disposable are invaluable ! Do ask if you have an Incontinence service in your area as they have products that they can provide you with at no cost to you for a trial. Also something else that works for some men is to sit down to pee. Urine bottles can be provided by the Incontinence service or bought from specialist companies. Kylies for armchairs are also available. Incontinence tends to deteriorate and can become distressing more for the carer than your loved one. Depending on the stage your LO is at and what age they are weak muscles and lack of brain signals make going to the toilet very hit and miss. Some people become constipated and feel uncomfortable and may try to remove their poo with their hands. This is obviously a medical issue when their GP would be contacted.
Yes, you are so right about removing poo with their hands and sometimes poo hands are a real problem. Keep a supply of baby nappy wipes at hand. I know this can be a distressing situation and sometimes folk dont like having their finger nails cut spo that poo does not collect under them. Also, collecting their poo with their hands can then become a habit we need to watch out for. So good to be able to talk about this, thank you.
Warmest, kindred
 

christiangirl

New member
Oct 16, 2019
4
I'm having the same problem with my dad he is very resistant to wear pull ups and gets quite nasty he won't agree that he is very incontinent even though I can show him full pads. He takes them off when no-one is looking and the washing is horrendous. He also wee's on the bathroom floor which is a slipping hazard.
Even though he now has carers it has not got much better. He doesn't live with me and constantly rings during the night to say he doesn't want them on or just to ask when I'm coming round ( I see him for about 5 hrs per day )
Any suggestions as It doesn't help that he goes to bed about 6.30pm which his his choice even though he is asleep a good part of the day.
Any tips would be appreciated.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
739
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I've managed to get my husband to wear pull-ups but the problem is he can't seem to "pull up". He takes them down to go to the toilet but then can't pull them up again. He pulls his trousers up over the top but the pull-ups are hardly covering anything.
 

Zinnia

Registered User
Aug 10, 2014
10
West Sussex
I have the same problem with my husband Jenniferjean and it’s caused a few unpleasant accidents. He now needs to be taken to the toilet but he can pull everything up himself ,(one of the very few things he can still do )so I am loathe to interfere. But I tend to loiter outside the toilet and only step in whenI see the pants getting left behind. He doesn’t like it and I do get yelled at but a bit of verbal abuse is better than a full on mess to clean up!
 

Zinnia

Registered User
Aug 10, 2014
10
West Sussex
To Kindred.....the “poo” problem has started with us now. I went to get my husband up one morning and thought” oh dear , doesn’t smell too good” and there was a (thankfully) small poo sitting on a tissue on the bedside table waiting for me.....I had to laugh cos it was so carefully done!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
532
I have the same problem with my husband Jenniferjean and it’s caused a few unpleasant accidents. He now needs to be taken to the toilet but he can pull everything up himself ,(one of the very few things he can still do )so I am loathe to interfere. But I tend to loiter outside the toilet and only step in whenI see the pants getting left behind. He doesn’t like it and I do get yelled at but a bit of verbal abuse is better than a full on mess to clean up!
Made me smile - I'm a loiterer too!! We get bits of used toilet paper left on the floor and in the sink - bleach and bathroom cleaners always at hand. I can also tell by the length of time he's in the toilet whether there is a problem, the other night he was ages and I got up to find some wee on the floor but also there was slightly mushy poo which he hadn't wiped and it was lucky I caught it as there was a lot of it and the sheets would have been a right mess - joys! In our younger days did we ever imagine we'd be wiping poo and having toilet discussions - well not past our children's toddler years anyway!
 

AliceinWonderland

New member
Nov 9, 2018
8
Hello. Sorry to hear about all your problems. I have been through all of it. Separate bedrooms for some years due to the kicking out / acting out dreams and me getting beaten up as a result. In respect of urinary incontinence luckily my partner was OK about having what I called 'safety pants' and he calls 'nappy pant's. You can get some free if you are registered with the bladder and bowel service which was just as well as we were using loads. He also was OK with the bottle. Marks and Spencers and IKEA both have waterproof sheets which don't rustle. I have found the M&S ones to be easiest to deal with. They are supposed to be OK to go in the tumble drier but I felt that I didn't want to risk them so got 3. I also used puppy training sheets, or you can get bigger ones online, on the bed. I contacted the council and they provided me with a bigger rubbish bin, at no cost. Unfortunately at the beginning of December my partner had yet another fall and also left the gas fire on without lighting it and we were both taken to hospital to be checked for gas poisoning. I was released later that day but my partner has not come home, having gone to a care home on discharge from hospital. We are not sure where he will go from here. In respect of the incontinence he now has a catheter and it is likely that he will have that for ever as he does not know when he needs to wee. This comes with it's own problems as clearly it is not a normal thing to do to your body, but at least he isn't in a wet bed all the time.
I wish you all the best, those of you dealing with the early stages of incontinence. I hope some of the above helps.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,411
To Kindred.....the “poo” problem has started with us now. I went to get my husband up one morning and thought” oh dear , doesn’t smell too good” and there was a (thankfully) small poo sitting on a tissue on the bedside table waiting for me.....I had to laugh cos it was so carefully done!
I know, like a kind of gift, as Freud believed children's poo was for us - after all we make enough fuss and congratulation when they first poo in a potty! Good to hear from you.
warmest, Kindred.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
532
Hello. Sorry to hear about all your problems. I have been through all of it. Separate bedrooms for some years due to the kicking out / acting out dreams and me getting beaten up as a result. In respect of urinary incontinence luckily my partner was OK about having what I called 'safety pants' and he calls 'nappy pant's. You can get some free if you are registered with the bladder and bowel service which was just as well as we were using loads. He also was OK with the bottle. Marks and Spencers and IKEA both have waterproof sheets which don't rustle. I have found the M&S ones to be easiest to deal with. They are supposed to be OK to go in the tumble drier but I felt that I didn't want to risk them so got 3. I also used puppy training sheets, or you can get bigger ones online, on the bed. I contacted the council and they provided me with a bigger rubbish bin, at no cost. Unfortunately at the beginning of December my partner had yet another fall and also left the gas fire on without lighting it and we were both taken to hospital to be checked for gas poisoning. I was released later that day but my partner has not come home, having gone to a care home on discharge from hospital. We are not sure where he will go from here. In respect of the incontinence he now has a catheter and it is likely that he will have that for ever as he does not know when he needs to wee. This comes with it's own problems as clearly it is not a normal thing to do to your body, but at least he isn't in a wet bed all the time.
I wish you all the best, those of you dealing with the early stages of incontinence. I hope some of the above helps.
Thanks for posting all this useful information, you've certainly been through it all!
 

Don T

Registered User
Jun 28, 2017
13
I think incontinence is not quite the correct word, it seems like my wife knows she has to go, and as soon as she sees the toilet the normal steps in the process take over automatically, but she is not always stood in the correct place. I see it with other actions, washing hands but missing the tap, but going through all the motions, or drinking from an imaginary cup that she picked up next to the real cup.
No clue on solutions, tried the discrete liners, but she doesn’t really know how to fit them.
I expect this is the key driver for when I need to be at home full time.
Also would like to add a plea to designers of disabled toilets. Putting the access through the gents of female toilets does work when the both parties are of different gender. Waiting outside a public toilet wondering what is going on is very high on my stressful moments.
 

Don T

Registered User
Jun 28, 2017
13
Hi, just remembered something else I did. I drew on the floor in front of the toilet seat two foot prints for my wife to line herself up. This only helped for about 6 to 8 months. Now she has forgotten what they are for.
And... in another thread it stated that people with LBD may suffer from double vision, difficulties in controlling their eye muscles, this may cause some of the aiming issues.
 

SameDifference

Registered User
May 18, 2016
3
I am so impressed with the range of ideas offered, and also the humour and common sense. Wish I'd been aware of this stuff with my late mother -- could have saved her considerable embarrassment. We did discover (too late for Mum, alas) that there are professional Incontinence Nurses, contactable through GP or dementia clinic. they are splendidly down to earth and help one talk comfortably about all this stuff.
 

toodles

New member
Jan 8, 2020
3
Thank you on the suggestion of Kylie sheet as not heard of this. Have waterproof mattress cover and towels underneath the sheet for my dad to capture wetting as although he has incontinence pants on they do not hold the volume of liquid now. On this note can anyone recommend the next option after standard supermarket tena pants? Tried ordering some (that were like nappies and not very dignified) from AgeUK. Followed guidelines for sizing but they were still too small. Any suggestions? Looked at the mesh ones but conscious you have to use these with pads and likely when he goes the pad will get pushed out of place.
 

Am59

Registered User
Jan 18, 2020
22
Thanks so much to all of you for your helpful advice. I wish he could use a bottle but he has shaky hands so I fear the bottle would be empty if he tried to use it and the bedroom wallpaper would be covered in yellow dots from his spray gun. (forgive me if I'm getting a bit silly here, but am trying to hold on to my sense of humour)
Last time there was a puddle he told me the following morning that the cleaner, who had been 3 days earlier, had left water round the toilet and he'd got his feet wet during the night. I couldn't let the cleaner take the blame so I had to explain that he must have missed the toilet. I don't mind the mopping up though, even with my 85 year old bad-back. He'd do the same for me....but maybe with not as much patience!
Thanks again. You are all so kind
I'm glad you're keeping your sense of humour even though it's tough sometimes. I have the same problem as my husband tends to spray now when he goes for a pee. I got him one of those urinal bottles but he said it's cumbersome and he can't get himself in in time. I wonder if it would be easier to get them to sit on the toilet and aim themselves down? (The things we have to talk about)!
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
739
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Thank you on the suggestion of Kylie sheet as not heard of this. Have waterproof mattress cover and towels underneath the sheet for my dad to capture wetting as although he has incontinence pants on they do not hold the volume of liquid now. On this note can anyone recommend the next option after standard supermarket tena pants? Tried ordering some (that were like nappies and not very dignified) from AgeUK. Followed guidelines for sizing but they were still too small. Any suggestions? Looked at the mesh ones but conscious you have to use these with pads and likely when he goes the pad will get pushed out of place.
Vivactive pants from Age Uk Incontinence are quite good