• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Incontinence or not?

mickeyplum

Registered User
Feb 22, 2018
128
My husband,91, vascular dementia for 5 years, has till now been able to get himself up during the night to go to the toilet, even to do a poo. Occasionally some mornings I now find a puddle near the toilet where he has misfired. If I make him wear pads he will have a greater struggle if he tries to remove them in the middle of the night. Apart from this, he is still quite aware and still keeps his pride so I think it would upset him if I suggested this. So I make no comment and secretly mop up his puddles.
Does anybody know the best way to deal with this. Do I let him go on (I don't mind the mopping up) or is the next step where he wets the bed .
 

pevensey

Registered User
Feb 14, 2012
242
South East Coast.
My husband,91, vascular dementia for 5 years, has till now been able to get himself up during the night to go to the toilet, even to do a poo. Occasionally some mornings I now find a puddle near the toilet where he has misfired. If I make him wear pads he will have a greater struggle if he tries to remove them in the middle of the night. Apart from this, he is still quite aware and still keeps his pride so I think it would upset him if I suggested this. So I make no comment and secretly mop up his puddles.
Does anybody know the best way to deal with this. Do I let him go on (I don't mind the mopping up) or is the next step where he wets the bed .
Hi Mickeyplum, it's so worrying when new symptoms arise, my hubby is 5 yrs into vasculer dementia and he also developed this problem a few months ago. When I would go into the bathroom in morning there was often a puddle near toilet, he would call me in and say that a pipe was leaking meaning the one leading to radiator. I would try and explain the pipe was OK so he got puzzled where it came from. I tried to explain and eventualy I think he realized it was him. Ive now bought him a bottle and he wee's in that so his aim. is easier. It seems to have made it easier for him. So no more puddles. If he forgets and there is a puddle I just clean it up. and not say anything. But yes it's worrying if proper incontinence is on the horizon
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
416
My husband,91, vascular dementia for 5 years, has till now been able to get himself up during the night to go to the toilet, even to do a poo. Occasionally some mornings I now find a puddle near the toilet where he has misfired. If I make him wear pads he will have a greater struggle if he tries to remove them in the middle of the night. Apart from this, he is still quite aware and still keeps his pride so I think it would upset him if I suggested this. So I make no comment and secretly mop up his puddles.
Does anybody know the best way to deal with this. Do I let him go on (I don't mind the mopping up) or is the next step where he wets the bed .
It's a delicate issue and not uncommon . One accepts the need to assist when incontinency presents. For my part when dealing with similar outcomes, l found that appropriate paper absorbent sheets on the bed saved a wet mattress. They have proper backing so this saved a need to do major bedding changes. Also high-absorbent pads were useful, making endless changes of same a past issue. As to dealing with "puddles" - these are really inevitable at times. I tiled my lavatory floor so a dash of Dettol and a mop did the trick. I used to make light of these things with my late mother and we would often laugh together after an "accident" took place. I strived to introduce measures ( pads etc) as a norm so as not to invite upset. I understand entirely that this scenario with a male subject poses a slightly different approach. But it sounds as if you are spot on as it stands. Best wishes.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,247
South coast
A tip that was suggested to me and I have used is puppy training pads with a bit cut out along one edge so that they fit around the base of the toilet (much like a pedestal mat) so that they can be quickly disposed of.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
741
Basingstoke, Hampshire
My husband isn't incontinent but does 'leak' a bit now and again. I have got him wearing pull-ups which he is quite happy to do. But I still do get puddles by the loo and I think it is inevitable. As to the bed, if I were you I'd be prepared by having a mattress cover on and maybe a Kylie sheet in place. I have both but we haven't had the need for them yet. I'm just being prepared.
 

mickeyplum

Registered User
Feb 22, 2018
128
Thanks so much to all of you for your helpful advice. I wish he could use a bottle but he has shaky hands so I fear the bottle would be empty if he tried to use it and the bedroom wallpaper would be covered in yellow dots from his spray gun. (forgive me if I'm getting a bit silly here, but am trying to hold on to my sense of humour)
Last time there was a puddle he told me the following morning that the cleaner, who had been 3 days earlier, had left water round the toilet and he'd got his feet wet during the night. I couldn't let the cleaner take the blame so I had to explain that he must have missed the toilet. I don't mind the mopping up though, even with my 85 year old bad-back. He'd do the same for me....but maybe with not as much patience!
Thanks again. You are all so kind
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
558
My husband isn't incontinent but does 'leak' a bit now and again. I have got him wearing pull-ups which he is quite happy to do. But I still do get puddles by the loo and I think it is inevitable. As to the bed, if I were you I'd be prepared by having a mattress cover on and maybe a Kylie sheet in place. I have both but we haven't had the need for them yet. I'm just being prepared.
My partner got very annoyed when I tried to get him to wear pull ups. We're still getting the odd accident when he's too late for the toilet but it's not too frequent. You are well prepared for night time incontinence, I have been wondering what to do because if it happens it will be too late for the mattress as I only have a normal mattress cover on. Will look into a Kylie, not heard of them before going on this site, only Kylie I'd heard of was the singer!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
558
Shop around. I can't remember the site I bought mine from but I bought 3 so as to be prepared. They didn't state any offers but when I asked if I could get discount for getting more than one, it was offered to me.
Thank you, I will do - might as well be prepared! Am thinking of separate beds and really wish we could have separate bedrooms, he couldn't sleep last night, seems to have yet another cold, so of course I didn't get any sleep either!! Separate bedrooms would be too much disruption for him and he would never find the toilet on his own.
 

mickeyplum

Registered User
Feb 22, 2018
128
We have been in separate bedrooms since my OH was recovering from major surgery 5 years ago so he now accepts it as the norm. He sleeps like a log (I don't). I have to keep my door open and one ear open when I hear him go to the bathroom in case he falls or he could be on the floor till morning.
I too will try and buy a kylie. Sounds like a good idea. I wonder how 'Kylie' would feel if she knew a wee-sheet had been named after her? Or maybe the sheet had the name first?
 

Zinnia

Registered User
Aug 10, 2014
10
West Sussex
I went through the “puddle problem” with my husband about four years ago.Not sure if it’s to do with spatial awareness? This went on for about a year until his brain stopped telling him that he wanted to pee and then the best thing that happened( for me) was his happily going into Tena pants. This not only means more peaceful nights but also no mad dashes when out to find a toilet.....I can now laugh at some of the places he peed in when caught short but at the time it was highly embarrassing and VERY mortifying!!
I can’t praise Kylie pads enough. They are very absorbent, wash very well and are quick to dry. If possible buy three although you could get away with two.
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
212
Shropshire
I’m wondering about it now hubby came home after walking the dog I asked if the dog had emptied whilst out today his answer was no but I have. He’d wet himself but he says he doesn’t remember doing so, I just got him to shower and put clean clothes out for him. Maybe start to think of sheets for the bed now he also has left puddles on the bathroom floor occasionally which I’ve mopped up.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,410
cornwall
Thank you, I will do - might as well be prepared! Am thinking of separate beds and really wish we could have separate bedrooms, he couldn't sleep last night, seems to have yet another cold, so of course I didn't get any sleep either!! Separate bedrooms would be too much disruption for him and he would never find the toilet on his own.
Try eBay. Just type in kylie and lots will pop up.
 

Bolo

New member
Oct 5, 2017
9
Just to add to all the very helpful advice from others, maybe contacting your local NHS continence advisory service could help. Assuming of course you have one, I know not all areas do. Continence advisors have a wealth of knowledge and know what products and equipment are available to help. Would a commode next to the bed help if you are concerned about falling?
 

Lesleymary

New member
Feb 14, 2019
3
From my experience as a carer of people in the community and my Mum who has vascular dementia Julie’s both material and disposable are invaluable ! Do ask if you have an Incontinence service in your area as they have products that they can provide you with at no cost to you for a trial. Also something else that works for some men is to sit down to pee. Urine bottles can be provided by the Incontinence service or bought from specialist companies. Kylies for armchairs are also available. Incontinence tends to deteriorate and can become distressing more for the carer than your loved one. Depending on the stage your LO is at and what age they are weak muscles and lack of brain signals make going to the toilet very hit and miss. Some people become constipated and feel uncomfortable and may try to remove their poo with their hands. This is obviously a medical issue when their GP would be contacted.
 

Lesleymary

New member
Feb 14, 2019
3
From my experience as a carer of people in the community and my Mum who has vascular dementia Julie’s both material and disposable are invaluable ! Do ask if you have an Incontinence service in your area as they have products that they can provide you with at no cost to you for a trial. Also something else that works for some men is to sit down to pee. Urine bottles can be provided by the Incontinence service or bought from specialist companies. Kylies for armchairs are also available. Incontinence tends to deteriorate and can become distressing more for the carer than your loved one. Depending on the stage your LO is at and what age they are weak muscles and lack of brain signals make going to the toilet very hit and miss. Some people become constipated and feel uncomfortable and may try to remove their poo with their hands. This is obviously a medical issue when their GP would be contacted.
Sorry Kylies not Juies 😂😂😂😂😂
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
150
My OH’s aim is awful, and I never go into our loo without slippers on. I also wish for separate room @White Rose but I would wake up anyway when he went to the loo in the night, worrying he might fall down the stairs! He fell outside the house last week and bruised his ribs, and has not been able to sleep well, so that 2 of us. Sometimes he goes to the loo 2 or 3 times, and I think it’s habit, he wakes up and assumes he needs to go.
 

copsham2

New member
Dec 19, 2018
9
AN IDEA RE PUDDLES NEAR THE TOILET!!
When I worked with people with severe learning disability many moons ago, we had similar problems re puddles. What we did was get a ping pong ball, paint a big red dot on it and float it in the toilet. it seems that it is an automatic reflex to aim at the ball floating in the loo. I do not know with dementia but might be worth a try! Good luck.
 

Howold

Registered User
Apr 26, 2016
3
Thank you all for helpful advice....my OH of nearly 62 years and diagnosed with Alzheimers for nearly 5, has been incontinent most of this time. He cannot use a bottle but initially having 'blue strips' round the bowl helped to high light where he should aim for. Not always though and the puddles I think are inevitable especially at night. I think encouraging him to sit down works to some extent but after a life time of standing he does forget. I agree with the slippers in the night works for me but not for him. There is a commode at the side of the bed but he won't use it. Should I try more with this? I know the carpet would suffer i have thought he may trip if I put a Kylie down. There are wet trousers most days even with large pads which he wears without complaining. Any ideas will be appreciated. I dread going out for meals armed with spares of everything and going into the gents if it is a disabled.
:) Above all keep smiling. People are more sympathetic now and just glad it isn't them!
 

danishbacon

New member
Jan 14, 2018
7
My mum, who is 88 and has Alzheimer's is having problems with wetting her clothes and the floor of the toilet. She wears incontinence pants but it seems as though she has trouble pulling them down properly and ends up with wee missing the toilet. My dad, who is 89, is her main carer, although they also have a wonderful carer who spends weekday mornings with them, so she can deal with any accidents during this time. However has anybody any advice how we can minimise these incidents to make life easier for my dad when nobody else is there to help?