Incontinence - any tips on dealing with this problem?

[Worriedone]

Mum seems to have forgotten that she should use a toilet on a regular basis in the daytime but often wakes dad during the night asking where the toilet is. The first supply of incontinence knickers is arriving on 1st September. The problem is that mum often won't change even though the need is there. Any tips please on how to persuade her? She has carers coming in daily to help and sometimes she can be convinced she needs to change, but at others which is most of the time, she refuses and shouts at the carer that there is the door! I worry that she must be very sore from the effects of wearing dirty underwear for long periods of time. Dad also finds it unpleasant and it creates a lot of washing for him, mainly bedding. He is 89 this year and not in good health.
Also Mum watches TV all day; is this normal? She does not answer dad when he speaks to her. If he asks her is she would like a drink she says yes please but when he speaks to her otherwise, she ignores him. He finds this very frustrating.

 

[Jessbow]

I used to tell my dad to ask a question that contained an answer. My mum often wouldn't answer either

What would you like for lunch?....... no answer
Would you like a ham sandwich or a cheese one? .......Replied 'Ham'

I dare say your dad knows ( for instance) she prefers tea over coffee - so ''would you like a cup of tea'' gets an answer, because she doesn't have to think of the answer

 

[Beate]

Incontinence is the bane of my life, even though my OH is largely compliant with changing pants and showering etc. The constant washing is exhausting.

With regards to watching TV all day, my OH would do that too if left to his own devices. They don't know how to occupy themselves anymore so they need guidance. What's helping OH enormously is his daily Day Care Centre. There is always something to do, arts and crafts, games, puzzles, bingo, exercise, music and dance... Plus he's with other people and gets a hot meal so how about you explore this route for your Mum? It would also act as respite for your Dad. Day Centre staff are usually quite experienced with incontinence too.

 

[Spamar]

OH rarely talks to me. Of course, if we go anywhere he, like most, presents so well that people just do not believe me!
However, I gave found that any question that involves a decision in the answer is a no-no. In your example, ham or cheese wouldn't work. Would you like a ham sandwich is fine.
He does nothing most days, sits and contemplates or day dreams usually. TV never was watched very much, papers rarely read, maybe headlines. He has no idea of what's going on in the world. He never instigates a conversation with me. Everything, but everything, I say has to be repeated 2-3 times minimum. And of course, there is no empathy. A bit of emotional blackmail has just crept in, I cannot tolerate that. So different from the man I married!
However, he does go to day care three days a week. This is my saviour. I just couldn't manage without it. They think he's lovely, of course!

 

[Worriedone]

Mum does go to a Day Centre on a Friday, dad's time for himself. They did get her to change as dad told the carers who collected her about the problem. She used to have a shower three days a week but it is now more of a problem to get her doing that; the carers are so patient with her. I wonder if a second day out would be of any use. Mum refuses to speak to him when she gets back! Going to collect them this Friday to give dad break.

 

[Sue123]

My Mum goes to a day centre twice a week but other than that she just sits in front of the tv all day. She never used to be like this until the dementia set in.
I always feel bad for just letting her do this. The only time she moves is when she goes to the toilet.
She never speaks much either. She seems to have good conversations with the carers but me & my Sister cant seem to get much communication from her.
Incontinence is also a problem. Sometimes i feel out of my depth.