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Incessant phone calls

Liz57

Registered User
Dec 22, 2013
184
Yesterday afternoon, after being with her all morning and over lunch, I went home to wrap some presents. After ten minutes the calls started and for the couple of hours I was trying to rush through a thousand jobs at home, she range 12 times. It doesn't sound much does it but with a five minute call every 20 mimutes or so, I got nothing done at all. Last night I took her to the local community centre for a carol concert and you wouldn't know there was anything wrong with her! When I said she'd phoned alot she denied using the phone more than a couple of times in a month.

Will be on the phone to the GP the minute they open on Monday morning.
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
Sorry if this is stating the obvious or if anyone else has already pointed this out but it sounds as though your mum really really needs to be around people all the time and is unable to be by herself. I imagine that unless the doctor sees her in her worst anxious and upset state they won't be able to do anything, she will simply come across as fine.

Social services may not be all that helpful unless they too see her in a dreadful state.

So as I see it you have two choices, either let it get to crisis point.... don't answer the calls and then when your mum is well and truly in a bad way as a result get the doctor out, (this is not only cruel but is also likely to fail as the doctor may refuse to come out and if you take your mum to the doctor she will possibly be ok by the time you see one) Social services, should you get them involved, would also need to see her like this - if faced with a happy old lady they are not likely to arrange emergency respite care.
OR
as you say she is definitely self funding get her respite organised yourself. Even when my mum was receiving chc funding and had social workers already involved and needed urgent respite and the gp was well aware of the situation we were asked to do it ourselves and given no information. We did it, it worked.

Good luck, start ringing care homes.
 

Liz57

Registered User
Dec 22, 2013
184
Sorry if this is stating the obvious or if anyone else has already pointed this out but it sounds as though your mum really really needs to be around people all the time and is unable to be by herself. I imagine that unless the doctor sees her in her worst anxious and upset state they won't be able to do anything, she will simply come across as fine.

Social services may not be all that helpful unless they too see her in a dreadful state.

So as I see it you have two choices, either let it get to crisis point.... don't answer the calls and then when your mum is well and truly in a bad way as a result get the doctor out, (this is not only cruel but is also likely to fail as the doctor may refuse to come out and if you take your mum to the doctor she will possibly be ok by the time you see one) Social services, should you get them involved, would also need to see her like this - if faced with a happy old lady they are not likely to arrange emergency respite care.
OR
as you say she is definitely self funding get her respite organised yourself. Even when my mum was receiving chc funding and had social workers already involved and needed urgent respite and the gp was well aware of the situation we were asked to do it ourselves and given no information. We did it, it worked.

Good luck, start ringing care homes.
Thank you and yes I know everything you say is right. But when you're dealing with this all on your own, it is more than just a bit difficult. It is me having the breakdown now.
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
I apologise, I did not realise you were having a breakdown, that makes what I posted seem both impossible and useless.
I do realise how difficult it is to keep going. I think you should maybe ring the Alzheimers Society, this is what I did when I got to the end of my tether and they were so very kind to me and helped me to find the next step. Here is the info, I have copied it from the website for you



If you have concerns about Alzheimer's disease or any other form of dementia, Alzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline can provide information, support and guidance.

You can contact our helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.

The helpline is usually open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, and from 10am - 4pm at weekends. However, the service may be closed occasionally during these times for operational reasons.
 

Liz57

Registered User
Dec 22, 2013
184
I apologise, I did not realise you were having a breakdown, that makes what I posted seem both impossible and useless.
I do realise how difficult it is to keep going. I think you should maybe ring the Alzheimers Society, this is what I did when I got to the end of my tether and they were so very kind to me and helped me to find the next step. Here is the info, I have copied it from the website for you



If you have concerns about Alzheimer's disease or any other form of dementia, Alzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline can provide information, support and guidance.

You can contact our helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.

The helpline is usually open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, and from 10am - 4pm at weekends. However, the service may be closed occasionally during these times for operational reasons.
Thank you. I did find the number this afternoon and spoke to someone. They were very kind and told me about how I can get my carers assessment accelerated. I've also spoken to someone from Mind about changing my reaction to the phone calls. Thank you for your support
 

Thejanitor

Registered User
Feb 24, 2015
1
I know I've posted on this subject before but the incessant phone calls are now getting to me. I left mum's less than 20 minutes ago and the phone calls have started to the extent that I've had 8 in the past ten minutes. Each time she says she's trying to work out how to use her phone or she's trying to check that the number she has for me is correct. This follows a day of over 35 calls. I tried explaining to mum that the answerphone records her messages so she doesn't need to repeat them every minute whilst I'm at work but she simply denies making the calls, even when I played her own voice back to her.

I can't cope with this any more. I haven't even been able to take my shoes off since getting home (I've spent over three hours with her today as well as a full time job) as the phone keeps ringing

Has anybody come up with a technique for dealing with this. Frankly I'm feeling so stressed I feel quite sick.
My brother called ten times while I was at a funeral. My solution was to block his cell phone time with my family plan app(as one would do with a child). His phone can be used now from 3-5pm. At 3:01 he called noting that he'd been trying to get me all day. I felt that I was cracking up and frankly am relieved that he can't get to me.
 

Liz57

Registered User
Dec 22, 2013
184
My brother called ten times while I was at a funeral. My solution was to block his cell phone time with my family plan app(as one would do with a child). His phone can be used now from 3-5pm. At 3:01 he called noting that he'd been trying to get me all day. I felt that I was cracking up and frankly am relieved that he can't get to me.
I've taken my cell phone number from her address book so she's ringing the house phone now. I've taken off the answering machine and the voicemail from there too (was spending over an hour deleting the 60+ voicemail messages each day while I was at work) so it rings if I'm not there. A few times I've been there but ignored the call only to have it ring and stop, ring and stop for hours at a time. My limit is about 40 minutes when I have to leave the house.

More recently I've found if she can't get me for even a few minutes, she gets so anxious that it takes hours to calm her down. Yesterday she claimed to have tried to ring me "for hours" when I'd only gone to the supermarket (for her shopping!) and was gone about 30 minutes!

Looking at care homes now.

At least her phone bill is now reducing now that she's not calling my mobile.
 

Belinda3

Registered User
Mar 9, 2014
20
I too remember my mother phoning me a lot, while she wasn't with it, so her calls were full of complete gobbledegook.
It cracked me up, I didn't know how to handle it at all.
She soon went into another care home where she didn't have access to the phone.
It was a relief.

Lately, a friend who has early signs of dementia, phones me quite a lot.
I now take the phone off the hook a lot of the time. If I don't and put up with all his calls I end up in a state of stress and that's no good for me.
I do check my answerphone after a few hours, just in case someone else was trying to call me.

Have to say it is a relief leaving the phone off the hook.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
The phone is literally an emotional lifeline for mum.....whereas I jump every time it rings. I don't have anything like the problems described here, though....

We have a variation at the moment. All the landlines in our village are out of service as a developer apparently cut the cable...it took about 2 weeks to identify the problem, but BT now have the road up and are replacing the cable.

Meanwhile, I have diverted calls to my mobile. But.....we have terrible signal here so I rarely get them. So....every few hours I drive to the other end of the village, where there is signal, sit in my car listening to mum 'checking she can get through' .....and then phone her back. There's no way I can explain call divert

Help!!!! Think I'm going crazy....:eek:

Lindy xx
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,995
UK
MIL used to ring morning noon and night for hours. She would completely fill the answer machine then just push the preset buttons and ask who the person on the other end was.
I used to cry when the phone rang as I just couldn't cope.
 

Solihull

Registered User
Oct 2, 2014
97
West Midlands
My mum used to phone at all hours, just trying my number even at 2.30 am. I too hated the phone ringing. The last six months she was in her own home she would not use the phone either to dial out or answer it. This was also worrying as I lived 10 miles away and could not get her to answer and of course I could not sleep if I did not know if she wa ok. Eventually we reached the "crisis" -falls, hospitalisation due to malnutrition, dehydration etc. She did not go home again and has been in a lovely care home for six months. I no longer feel sick when the phone rings but I understand what you are all going through and sorry that the crisis is usually the norm before going into care. Having said that, my mum is happier than I have seen her for years.
Sue
X
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Well, I have something to be thankful for! Mum hardly ever rings me any more - or anyone else for that matter! I don't think she's forgotten how to use the phone, just that it's there! Thank goodness for small mercies!
Sort of the same here. After all the problems this time last year with mum and her endless phone calls, she now cannot work out how to make a call, doesn't pick up receiver, just talks to the phone, shouts a few numbers at it then talks to it. She can still answer it though, so I have it set on very low sound.
 

MERENAME

Registered User
Jun 4, 2013
236
scotland
While I haven't solved the problem I have helped it by rerecording the telephone answering message. So now everyone is greeted with' Hi Mum, This is my answerphone etc etc, I love you and will call you when I get home. '
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,995
UK
We tried that. All we got was "Lemony? Lemony? Are you there? I heard your voice!" This would then be followed by calls to shout at the message.