Moaning
In May last year my brother and I persuaded Mum (88 Years) and Dad (90 years) to sell their home and move into a "retirement Village". The reason for this persuasion was because their home was ill equipped for their ever increasing problems brought about by old age. There was only one toilet (1st floor), a large garden and a deteriorating property which Dad insisted was OK. Mum had been diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's and Dad was finding it difficult to cope. Also, Dad had been "convinced" by various door to door salesmen that he needed a repair job on the driveway, his gutters cleaned out, and heaven only knows what else which maybe was kept from us.
They moved into their flat - new building only completed November 2014 - and purpose built with the elderly in mind.
The flat is gorgeous - wet room, one bedroom, fully fitted kitchen and fairly large lounge with balcony overlooking a lovely garden with a vast assortment of plants, trees, benches for sitting out and a not very busy road - just enough to sit and watch the world go by.
DAD
Moan 1 - I can't adjust the central heating (why would he need to - it's pre-set at 22 deg C and feels like an oven when you walk in)
Moan 2 - I don't like cooking with electric. Why can't we have a gas cooker?
Moan 3 - Where did you get this newsagent from? They only deliver my paper. Everyone else gets theirs from somewhere else.
Moan 4 - There's never anyone about. Feels like a morgue.
Moan 5 - It's like a bloody prison with fences all round
Moan 6 - Why are we on the 4th Floor? I wanted a top floor flat
Moan 7 - Why does the Bistro downstairs close at 3pm? That's no good for us - we have dinner at 7pm
Moan 8 - Why do people who aren't disabled park their cars in the disabled bays?
Moan 9 - Why didn't you get a bigger fridge? It's not big enough and everything goes rotten because the flat is so warm?
Moan 10 - I can't cope with mine and your Mum's tablets. I'm sure I forget some
Moan 11 - Where do I get the washing dried?
Moan 12 - I miss my garden - I could still manage
Moan 13 - Why aren't all the flats occupied?
Moan 14 - I used to like to go for a walk but now I can't
Moan 15 - I wish people wouldn't keep coming here. I don't know who they are, where they're from. I can't hear what they say and can't remember what they want
Moan 16 - Your Mum needs to go into a home. I can't cope
Moan 17 - Your Mum needs to come home - she's my responsibility and I should be looking after her
Moan 18 - Your Mum needs to be in care - I can't cope
Moan 19 - Why are these girls (Care team) coming in?
Moan 20 - I miss the girls coming in
Moan 21 - Why are these girls coming in?
Moan 22 - I don't like people coming into the flat without knocking (care team)
Moan 23 - Your Mother is falling over because the carpet is too thick
Moan 24 - I'm not joining the garden club. I gave up my garden because you said I couldn't manage it
Moan 25 - I'm not going to the Bistro for food. I worked away from home and got fed up eating out
Moan 26 - Your Mother's like this because you don't come here often enough
Moan 27 - If I can't phone you with problems, then who do I phone (31 out of 48 calls to me over a period, mainly to tell me that Mum won't get up, or eat or drink
MUM
Moan 1 - Where are my fags?
Moan 2 - Don't make any appointments for me 'cause I'm not going
Moan 3 - Don't let the girls (care team) in. I don't want them
Moan 4 - Just leave me alone
Moan 5 - My hair looks a mess
The above moans replaced so many others when they were in their old place. It has been going on for 4 years.
I take holidays or swap days so I can attend appointments with one or the other of them. On many occasions I have sat in A&E for hour upon hour only to find that there is nothing wrong medically with either of them. I have dealt with Rapid Response girls on more than one occasion, together with follow-up appointments. I have made many, many hair appointments for Mum before and after the move and had to cancel because she won't get up or get dressed. She won't go to ANY appointments, doctors, memory clinic, outpatients, hair, etc.
Mum refuses any assistance from the care team. She won't let them help her get washed or dressed. She won't be encouraged to eat or drink.
I will end my rant by explaining that I am nearly 67 years old, still work 3 full days a week and have a husband and two sons who I still have to be there for, even though our sons do not live with us. Dealing with a parent suffering with dementia/alzheimer's is awful, but dealing with both is sending me round the bend. I can't visit them and have a nice chat and cup of coffee. I can't go there and clean up because I'm interfering. There is nothing pleasurable about my visits - they are met with moans, groans and complaints about just everything not least that everything I do or say is not good enough.
Rant over